Question about same sex marriages

[Tracir]

Honest question-

If the right to marry a same sex spouse is left up to the individual states- what happens when the couple moves to another state that doesn't allow gay marriage?

Hypothetical, Georgia allows gay marriage. The state recognizes the union and I assume the next step would be to allow spouse privileges like healthcare from one partner's company. Let's say the partner works for a Fortune 100 that's based in New York. The state of New York doesn't recognize same sex marriage. But the company has offices in states that recognize same sex marriage. Should the company have to give healthcare to the spouse? This corporation has branch offices in all 50 states- how can it allow spouse healthcare in Georgia but deny a same sex marriage in another state because that state doesn't allow the union?

OR- the couple moves from Georgia to another state that doesn't recognize same sex marriage- the couple has an adopted child. What happens if the couple divorces- who has custody of the child if they adopted the child under the pretense of being married. I assume (I am not informed about how a gay couple adopts a child) that a gay couple jointly adopts a child right now since the "couplehood" of the two is not legally recognized. How does a state court decide who has custody of the child?

I'm just asking because I have been thinking of the "what ifs"- is this really a state decision because no couple- even Mike and I can't guarantee that we will be in Georgia next month- Mike could be transferred at any given moment. I'm trying to decide for myself where the decision lies- is it an amendment or leave it up to the state. I have my own personal beliefs but I am just trying to understand how it should/would/could work and where the ultimate decision lies.

[Rockabillie]

There was a time not that long ago when hetersexual married couples were facing this same question.

Not so long ago Mixed race couples were not allowed to marry in many states.

If a couple moved to Virginia, their marriage was not considered valid. In fact, their union was ILLEGAL based on the rationale that it just isn't natural. Thank goodness we have evolved beyond that now and people who vow to support each other, love, honor, and respect each other can share a life.

Oh well some people, anyway.

[Twinplets]

My hubby just started a new job, a local branch of a company based in Pennsylvania. On the forms to sign up for health care, he could sign up for himself, his spouse or domestic partner, and his dependents. And I didn't think PA had any laws one way or another about same-sex couples.

[freesurfer]

I think it should not be allowed. Stay in the closet if you so choose that way. Everything aobut the ways in which we live nowadays are in question. We really need to go back about 3 generations and relearn the respect and appreciation those people possessed.

[Tracir]

I'm not in favor for it at all- we were just talking last night about the legalities of it.


Freesurfer- I agree with you 100%.

[bradedit]

Originally Posted by freesurfer

I think it should not be allowed. Stay in the closet if you so choose that way. Everything aobut the ways in which we live nowadays are in question. We really need to go back about 3 generations and relearn the respect and appreciation those people possessed.

Didn't they own people back then??

[Tracir]

Originally Posted by bradedit

Didn't they own people back then??

Don't turn this thread into that. I appreciate your insight but I was only asking an honest question concerning the issue at hand.

I took from Freesurfer that we just go back to basic moral and values and while I didn't want to go here- I will after your comment. I don't want to see same sex marriage be legal. I think it makes a mockery of the union I have with my husband. The person that I believe God created to be with me forever and we created a child together.

I think I made it clear that I was only throwing ideas out concerning this "hot" topic. I also think I was being mature and open minded to just ask what other people on DOD think about the issue and I was trying hard to keep my beliefs out of it.

The whole basis in the forum is not to personally attack and I will honor that- I appreciate what Mayor has created here and the ability to voice opinions, concerns and questions just like I did.

To take from my questions and the responses that were generated- I think you are pushing for a debate. How you can take my very open to discussion questions about a very specific issue and come up with your question... you obviously missed the reason I posted it in the first place.

[cashhound]

I think you bring up some valid questions, Traci. I've been wondering the same things. Like rockabillie said, though, just a few years ago, mixed couples had the same problems. Interracial marriages were not recognized either, in some states.

I think it's ironic that some companies recognize "domestic partner" but not "same-sex spouse." A domestic partner can also be a male/female relationship where the couple has chosen NOT to marry for whatever reasons. The company I used to work for would cover a "common-law" relationship between a man and a woman (I think it had a 2 year living together stipulation), but wouldn't cover a same-sex partner...even if the couple had been together 15 years.

I look forward to responses from HR specialists or the legal professions. I'm really very curious about how this will all be resolved.

[freesurfer]

I took from Freesurfer that we just go back to basic moral and values

Exactly!!

[3tbear]

I know I'm going to get shot down for what I am going to say by some of you who don't believe as I do, but I still believe that no matter who you are, whether gay or not, you deserve the same privileges, that includes marriage, and gays should have the same opportunities especially the ability to get health coverage. Just put yourself in their shoes, you COULD have been born gay, wouldn't you want those same rights? People can't choose to be born one way or another, it's just the way it is. People don't choose to be heterosexual or gay, they are just who they are, and every person in this world is just as important as the next. Just my 2 cents for what it's worth. My DH does not share my opinion on this, but it took me awhile to get to this point being brought up in a conservative family. I have love in my heart for all people no matter what color they are, gender, gay or straight. People are people, people should love one another, and we shouldn't be dictating who can and can't get married. OK, so those of you who are not gay think it's weird, strange, something you are not used to. That's no reason to condemn these people. They are loving, breathing individuals who also deserve respect, deserve to be happy in their lives. Would you want to live alone for the rest of your life, or have to live with the secret that you are gay because if you tell your employer you might lose your job or people will look at you in disgust? I think each state should be involved here and make the decision whether or not gay marriages will be allowed in their state, not the government.

[3tbear]

I know I'm going to get shot down for what I am going to say by some of you who don't believe as I do, but I still believe that no matter who you are, whether gay or not, you deserve the same privileges, that includes marriage, and gays should have the same opportunities especially the ability to get health coverage. Just put yourself in their shoes, you COULD have been born gay, wouldn't you want those same rights? People can't choose to be born one way or another, it's just the way it is. People don't choose to be heterosexual or gay, they are just who they are, and every person in this world is just as important as the next. Just my 2 cents for what it's worth. My DH does not share my opinion on this, but it took me awhile to get to this point being brought up in a conservative family. I have love in my heart for all people no matter what color they are, gender, gay or straight. People are people, people should love one another, and we shouldn't be dictating who can and can't get married. OK, so those of you who are not gay think it's weird, strange, something you are not used to. That's no reason to condemn these people. They are loving, breathing individuals who also deserve respect, deserve to be happy in their lives. Would you want to live alone for the rest of your life, or have to live with the secret that you are gay because if you tell your employer you might lose your job or people will look at you in disgust? I think each state should be involved here and make the decision whether or not gay marriages will be allowed in their state, not the government. BTW, what are gays doing that make it wrong for them to marry? Think about it, they are loving one another, isn't that what we are supposed to do, love one another? They are sharing a life together, making memories, taking wonderful vacations, being themselves. I just don't see why this is so wrong. I know the church frowns on this, but this to me is not a religious matter, this is not a piece of clothing we are talking about or a car, this is about people, real people who only want to be given the same freedoms to be able to love one another, to share life with their partners. Think back to the 50's, all the bigotry against blacks, we've come along way since then, now we are regressing, and instead of blacks the focus is on gays. Open up your heart, have some love and compassion.

[luvmetender]

I believe that gay unions should have all the same legal rights as heteros, but i don't think you can redefine the definition of marriage to mean a man and a man, or a woman and a woman. That's my opinion, and I'm sticking to it!

[Tracir]

Cashhound- I was an HR specialist and I don't know the answer- I have been out of it 2 years. That's why I threw the question out there.

I too struggle with the fact that we know very special people in our lives that are gay. We do have to question are they "born" that way.

I do take my marriage to Mike very serious and because I am religious- I only saw the marriage license to make it official according to our state as just a process. We didn't even blink that we would not be married in the church. But that is my upbringing, Mike's as well so that's why I just threw the questions out there to begin with.

I try to be open minded and I try to figure the world out like it is today. I do have opposition but I'm open to see how things could progress.

I worry about things to the point- how do I explain to Maddy when she is in kindergarten that her classmate has 2 mommies or 2 daddies. I don't judge- I know that I can only believe what I think is right and the rest will take care of itself. I can't judge as a Christian- I have done things that aren't honorable and I know that the world will evolve and I just have to figure out what I tell my daughter.

I got mean in my response earlier- I was just trying to honestly ask and see if someone could show me the difference.

You can't throw stones at glass houses- I believe that but I did just want some opinions out here- I believe that DOD has some very smart people to help me understand the process. It's going to happen- I was just wondering how it would.

[Nightowl69]

I think it's wrong and it goes against God -IMO

[Taxman]

As I've stated before, marriage isn't something that the Feds should be involved with anyway. Leave it up to the states. If one of them decides to make gay marriage legal, the "full faith and credit" clause kicks in and the other states must recognize that marriage. However, that doesn't mean that every state must perform gay ceremony marriages. Simple.