exagerated Cat story

[S_Breeze1]

Most of us have ownd a cat or two...keepin in mind that they can be fun to give medication too read below to see how best NOT to administer (said) medications to your fluff :-)

HOW TO GIVE A CAT A PILL:

Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding
a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat> '> s
mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a 20- 30 second interval while avoiding rear paws which have somehow come loose.

Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat> '> s throat vigorously.

Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.

Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink 1 Beer to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse> '> s forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.

Retrieve cat from neighbor> '> s shed. Get another pill. Open another Beer. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck, to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Drink Beer. Fetch Bottle of Scotch. Pour shot, drink. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw tee-shirt away and fetch a new one from bedroom.

Call Fire Department to retriever the cat from across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to
avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap. Tie the little ------> '> s
front paws to the rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table. Find heavy- duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by a large piece of filet steak. Be rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down.
Consume remainder of scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room. Sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and remove pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new dining table.

Arrange for ASPCA to collect mutant cat from **** and call local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.


HOW TO GIVE A DOG A PILL:

Wrap it in bacon...

[NaomiMarie]

LOL

[ShainaT]

Very cute (and true!)

[tasker109]

yeah its true.....i had a cat that we used to wrap the pill in a great hunk of meat.....she would wallow it around in her mouth, swallow the meat and spit the pill out....dogs....they just wolf down what you give them....dont care whats inside....hehe

[S_Breeze1]

I thought this story was a bit strong.. I even did some editing on the language .... jeeees
but I'll tell ya if you think about it CATS ARE NOT FOOLS...
even if we try and tell them its medicine and it will make them feel better... they don't want us putting anything down there throats....lol

[jeskibuff]

Washing Your Cat

Some people have the misconception that cats never have to be bathed; that somehow they "lick" themselves clean. Well, contrary to this popular belief, cats do NOT have some enzyme in their saliva that resembles Tide (with or without bleach).

Cats, like their nemesis the dog, do get dirty and have a variety of odors from smelling like the outhouse where you camped last year to the same odor as your dog's breath. (Remember, your dog will try to eat anything.) Now we all know that cats HATE water. And we know that giving the cat a sedative to ease this process of a bath is out of the question.

So, the best approach is both sneaky and direct. Remember now, this is not the dumb dog who can be led to tub with lies and a trail of Kibbles and Bits.

Although your cat has the advantage of smarts, quickness and total lack of concern for you, you have the advantage of size, strength, and the ability to wear protective garments.

1. First .... dress for the occasion. A 4-ply rubber wet suit is suggested, along with a helmet, face mask and welders gloves.

2. A bathtub with a glass enclosure is preferred to the one with a shower curtain. A frenzied cat can shred one of these in about 3.5 seconds.

3. Have the Kitty Bubbles and towel in the enclosed bathtub area beforehand.

4. Draw the water, making it a little warmer than needed as you still need to find the cat. Position everything strategically in the shower so you can reach it even if you are face down or prone in the tub.

5. Find your cat. Use the element of surprise. Pick the cat up,
nonchalantly as if you were simply carrying him/her to the supper dish. No need to worry about the cat noticing your strange attire; the cat barely notices you anyway.

6. Once you and the cat are inside the bathroom, speed is essential. In one single liquid motion shut the door to the bathroom, step into the shower, close the sliding doors, and drop the cat into the water. While the cat is still in a state of shock, locate the Kitty Bubbles and squirt whatever part of him is above the water line. You have just begun the wildest 45 seconds
of your life. Remember that cats have no handles and add the fact that he now has soapy fur. His state of shock has worn off and he's madder than a wet hornet.

7. As best you can while wearing welder's gloves, try to field his body as he catapults through the air toward the ceiling. If possible, give another squirt of Kitty Bubbles with his body now fully exposed.

8. During the 5 seconds you are able to hold onto him, rub vigorously. No need to worry about rinsing. As he slide down the glass enclosure into the tub, he will fall back into the water, rinsing himself in the process.

9. Only attempt the lather and rinse process about 3 times. The cat will realize the lack of traction on the glass by then and will use the next attempt on the first available part of you.

10. Next, the cat must be dried. No, this is NOT the easiest part. And blow-drying the cat after the bath is NOT suggested. By this stage, you are worn out and the cat has just become semi-permanently affixed to your right leg. We suggest here that you drain the tub and, in full view of your cat, reach for the bottle of Kitty Bubbles.

11. If you have done step 10 correctly, the cat will be off your leg and hanging precariously from your helmet. Although this view of the cat is most disgusting, he will be in a much better position for wrapping the towel around him.

12. Be sure cat is firmly wrapped in towel before opening tub enclosure. Open bathroom door, put towel-wrapped cat on floor and step back quickly into tub, if possible, and do not open enclosure until all you can see is the shredded towel.

13. In about 2 hours .... it will be safe to exit the bathroom. Your cat will be sitting out there somewhere looking like a small hedgehog while plotting revenge.

[S_Breeze1]

OMG ROFLMBOPIP.......

[sweetiris]

LOL!!!!!! The bath one is so so so true!

[ihvfaith]

Oh so funny both of them.
My dog hates baths, she will scratch
claw and howl not to take one.
She also hates pills.
She can sniff them in her food no matter
what it is. (but she takes little bites always)
Cat we won't even go there.
He has a mind of his own anyways.
Our bird isn't bad he likes his bath.
But the best of course is Hippie he loves
baths and if sick he opens mouth wide
and pops it down.
Wish son would!!!!

[jeskibuff]

Cat....dog...bird....

I thought the list was going to continue...

turtle...snake...ferret

I just have one dog. She's a handful, but a cutie.

[pandybat]

OHMYGOSH JESKIBUFF!! That is one of the cutest dogs I have ever seen!!! AAAwWWWw.........How adorable!!! What's her name??

Gosh....she almost doesn't look real in that pic! She's just too cute!!!

[ihvfaith]

what a doll!
When I was little I had a dog
looked just like yours.
I called her Snowball.
I was so original.

[jeskibuff]

Thanks. She is a cutie, despite her terroristic tendencies. Her name is Powder (so, Snowball isn't too different, is it?) She was born 9/13, just 2 days after 9/11. She was a couple months old at the time of this picture (November, I think). Naming her Powder was tough at the time - that's when all the anthrax stuff was in the news. But, seeing as I AM a SKI BUFF, she is named after the white fluffy snow. If you want to see more of her (especially since she's grown), check out my Webshots page : [Only registered and activated users can see links. Either login above or Register Now] under the Samoyeds album. I also put together (what I think is) a cute page that introduced her to my family. See [Only registered and activated users can see links. Either login above or Register Now]

[sweetiris]

She really doesn't look real in the picture! I swear I've seen a stuffed animal at the zoo that looks EXACTLY like her!

[jeskibuff]

Well, I'm thinking of using your "stuffed zoo animal" story on my dog as a ploy to get her to behave better. "Get with the program, Powder, or we'll take a little trip to the you-know-where to get stuffed!" I'll conceal my amusement as those brown eyes get real big and she submits to my command without hesitation. "Now, Powder, do you remember what happens to misbehaving little doggies?" Yeah...a few well rehearsed lines should do the trick!