That was about the saddest wedding I have been to in a long time!

[billsmrs]

Well as most of you know my BIL got married yesterday. Everyone in the family has been real iffy about this whole thing and for good reasons.......this is her 4th marriage!

Anyway, we got there and went to see his brother and wish him luck and he was like ok...just want to get this over with, etc, etc. Then one of the girls came out of the bridesroom and said that his fiance was getting mad at the photographer.....who by the way was suppose to be a friend of hers doing the pics for only $300...BIG MISTAKE in my opinion but who am I to tell them that! lol Anyway...the wedding got ready to start and it was the most unorganized wedding I have been to! Hubby and MIL thought so too. The wedding lasted 10 minutes from start to finish. QUICK! My wedding was a good 45 minutes.......we had a formal wedding and there was a singer and the pastor who was also our best friend gave a speech on marriage and what the bible says at our request and then said a few nice things about us and you know all the usual and then we did the unity candle while there was another song and then we stood there while another song played ...etc, you get the idea. Anyway this wedding was the quickest I have ever seen! Start to finish 10 minutes...no joke! The pastor had no words of wisdom or anything. Just said we were there to witness this marriage and that was it and they did the vows and then they were done. I was shocked! Well, after the wedding was over they did pics and that took an hour and my new SIL was mouthing the whole time about this and that and complaining about having to smile! I thought you would naturally smile alot on your wedding day?! I did...I NEVER had to pretend smile....I was smiling the whole time and even after! lol So that was done and off to the reception we go.

Reception was....well.....how do I put it......DIFFERENT!! Her family is a bunch I don't care to be around. The smoke was so thick in the room it wasn't funny and with all the alcohol they were consuming..........it was pitiful. You get the pic I am sure. Well, it was time for the first dance and someone came in from the bar next door and shut off some lights and well my SIL got a little upset....no, actually ALOT. My poor BIL was so embarassed. He put his hand on her mouth and told her it was no big deal. She kept going on, and on, and on. Finally someone asked her about the presents and she said she would open them at her convenience after the reception! OK. If that iswhat she wanted to do but she didn't have to be ugly about it. She kept mouthing how this was HER day and she was going to do what SHE wanted. Well, I agree but BE NICE about it!!! Poor BIL was just standing there most of the time by himself. It was awful. As hubby put it......they were about to have their first fight as man and wife before the ink was even dry on the marriage certificate!! lol Well, alot of other things she done were in my opinion were pitiful. Personally she could have acted more like a lady and she might have actually been happier but she didn't. My poor MIL kept saying.....oh he just doesn't know what he has done. Look at this mess. I have to agree with her on this. Even hubby was upset. On the way home he kept saying this marriage of their's won't last. We left the reception when everyone started getting drunk because we don't drink and don't want to be around it. MIL left when we did too. She was so upset.

I have to say...I have been involved with alot of weddings and been to alot and NONE were quite like this. If this is just a taste of what are things to come then this family is in for a roller coaster ride!!

[ILoveElf]

Stress can bring out the worst in some people.Let us pray for they sake that the marriage is much better than the wedding.I do feel for them that their weddingday was not a day of dreams come true for both of them.
Your BIL did manage to get through it without walking out or stepping down to her level so he may have known she does not deal with stress well.

[3tbear]

I can't believe how short the wedding was! It really doesn't sound like that marriage is on the right track. I hope it lasts for their sake.

[luvmetender]

I had my 4th wedding 2 years ago. My husband had never been married. We had a very short wedding with just my children and his mother and sister, in a Judge's chambers. Afterwards, we had a small luncheon in the restaurant where we met. We also had a photograher that was a neighbor and only charged $300. The pictures just were not that important to us. It was getting married that was important. I didn't open any presents at the luncheon and in 20 years of going to weddings, plus my 3 previous weddings, no one has ever opened the gifts in front of the guests.

I hope you will decide to give this couple the benefit of the doubt and show them some support.

[LocaChica]

I also had a short, small wedding. It's not about how extravagant it is, anyway. It's the meaning behind it, right? I've also been to MANY weddings (even though I can't stand them, lol) and not once have I seen the couple open the gifts in the presence of the guests.

Maybe she was just stressed? Either way, I hope they have a long, happy marriage.

[cashhound]

4th marriage, 18 years, 10 minutes at city hall. Our witnesses were my future MIL, the judge's secretary, and about 7 kids...his, mine, and nieces and nephews.

Weddings are sooo stressful. Mine was quick, painless, and to the point. Because the point was to legalize our committment, not put on a dog and pony show for a crowd of family and friends who needed to be impressed.

[Margaritaville]

Hmmm...short weddings...yep, I qualify as well, it was short, married in Lake Tahoe, no one but me DH and the justice of the peace. Was I happy about it, you bet!! Nothing wrong with short weddings, and we have been married for 12 years.

As for you BIL and SIL, give it some time, maybe she had expectations and it just didn't go that way, so she was nervouse, irritable, and I agree with Luv, maybe she doesn't hold up well under stress...

Give it some time, and support.

[billsmrs]

The shortness of the wedding doesn't bother me at all. My first marriage was short.....got married at the courthouse and it lasted over 9 years. (I guess that is one reason I wanted a church wedding this go round...plus hubby refused to get married any other way! lol )

I guess what bothers the family is how hateful she was about EVERYTHING! But everytime we have been around her she has been very outspoken. So I don't think stress had anything to do with this. I think this is just her.

[Dyllan]

Maybe it is just her. Regardless, she's your sister now (I hate using in-law... as if they're somehow less important than the rest of your family).

My brother went through a rough time too. He married someone who no one thought he should. Since day one the family has been against her. And while I agree with most of their opinions of her, I keep my mouth shut about it.

She's his wife. If she's a hard wife to live with, that's all the more reason we should support the marriage. The last thing he needs is more stress from the family - or to be put in the position of defending his wife against (possibly true) accusations from his own family. I'm not going to go into details with his situation because, well, its none of your (or even my) business.

But if you want to help your brother, do what you can to make it easier for him. Love him AND his wife, for his sake if not for hers. He's made his choice, and it's the responsibility of everyone who calls him family or friend to stand by that decision.

Sorry if this sounded like a rant, but that's my two cents worth. (on DOD, two cents goes a lot farther)

-Dyllan

[bdinalbq]

I agree very strongly with Dyllan . I know it's SO hard to watch someone you love make a committment to someone you feel isn't good enough for them, or just plain wrong for them. When we love someone (like a brother or sister I mean,) it's hard to keep our mouths shut like we just don't care, when inside we're screaming. But again, I agree with Dyllan..sometimes the best way to help someone is to just let them live their own lives and respect their decisions. With respect to the number of marriages your new sil has had...that's really irrelevant. I know a couple of people who have made mistakes early in their lives, and now that they're older, they know what they want, and are much more emotionally ready for a committment. It sounds like you've already decided about this woman and she doesn't stand much of a chance, but ....you may want to rethink that. She's a part of your life now whether you like it or not!

[mcshelll]

My only comment here is going to be that I have never had so much trouble in my life as I have with my Dh's family. My sil even told him if he was more of a man he would control me or divorce me. She thinks she knows me and it is her brother she doesn't know - not saying anything about your BIL though. No one knows what goes on behing closed doors at other homes and sometimes people's actions are not what they seem on the surface. Just pray for them and keep out if it. JMHO though.

[Dyllan]

Okay, a bit off the topic but all these abbreviations are confusing me. It took me forever to figure out what BIL, SIL and MIL stood for...

So what is Dh (and DD that I've seen). I think I have deduced the rest (so far).

-Dyllan the clueless

[JillyB71]

Originally posted by Dyllan
Maybe it is just her. Regardless, she's your sister now (I hate using in-law... as if they're somehow less important than the rest of your family).

My brother went through a rough time too. He married someone who no one thought he should. Since day one the family has been against her. And while I agree with most of their opinions of her, I keep my mouth shut about it.

She's his wife. If she's a hard wife to live with, that's all the more reason we should support the marriage. The last thing he needs is more stress from the family - or to be put in the position of defending his wife against (possibly true) accusations from his own family. I'm not going to go into details with his situation because, well, its none of your (or even my) business.

But if you want to help your brother, do what you can to make it easier for him. Love him AND his wife, for his sake if not for hers. He's made his choice, and it's the responsibility of everyone who calls him family or friend to stand by that decision.

Sorry if this sounded like a rant, but that's my two cents worth. (on DOD, two cents goes a lot farther)

-Dyllan

BRAVO, DYLLAN!!

I don't think I have ever seen a more well written and absolutely TRUE statement in my life!

You know, I have issues with the way my MIL and SIL live their lives but as Dyllan has stated, it is their life to live. I completely agree that saying unflattering things about another's spouse will only add stress to a marriage that MAY already be in trouble. I say MAY because the BIL just might like his new wife's outspoken-ness and he may have secretly felt the same way she did about the gifts but is too soft spoken to say anything.

There is no way in heck that I could live like some of my family but if they are happy, I am happy. If they aren't, then it is their fault if they continue to live that way. It's not up to me (or you!) to fix them!

[mcshelll]

Dh - dear husband - often used in sarcastic tone though by me lol!!

DD - dear daughter

DS- dear son

JMHO- just my honest opinion


Don't feel dumb Dyllan, I still don't know all of the ones I see and have been at this for years. You know what they say about dumb questions - only dumb ones are the ones you never ask haha! Thanks for all of your great input today too.

[Dyllan]

They do say that, but they're wrong.

For instance: "How many monkies do you find on the average bus in New York on February 29th of an odd numbered year on the Gregorian calendar?"

That's a dumb question.

-Dyllan