A Parent dies a thousands deaths

[telos2000]

Is there a magic cutoff period when offspring become
accountable for their own actions? Is there a
wonderful moment when parents can become detached
spectators in the lives of their children and shrug,
"It's their life," and feel nothing?

When I was in my twenties, I stood in a hospital
corridor waiting for doctors to put a few stitches
in my son's head. I asked, "When do you stop
worrying?" The nurse said, "When they get out of
the accident stage." My mother just smiled faintly
and said nothing.

When I was in my thirties, I sat on a little chair
in a classroom and heard how one of my children
talked incessantly, disrupted the class, and was
headed for a career making license plates. As if to
read my mind, a teacher said, "Don't worry, they all
go through this stage and then you can sit back,
relax and enjoy them." My mother just smiled
faintly and said nothing.

When I was in my forties, I spent a lifetime waiting
for the phone to ring, the cars to come home, the
front door to open. A friend said, "They're trying
to find themselves. Don't worry in a few years, you
can stop worrying. They'll be adults." My mother
just smiled faintly and said nothing.

By the time I was 50, I was sick & tired of being
vulnerable. I was still worrying over my children,
but there was a new wrinkle--there was nothing I
could do about it. My mother just smiled faintly
and said nothing.

I continued to anguish over their failures, be
tormented by their frustrations and absorbed in
their disappointments. My friends said that when my
kids got married I could stop worrying and lead my
own life. I wanted to believe that, but I was
haunted by my mother's wan smile and her occasional,
"You look pale. Are you all right? Call me the
minute you get home. Are you depressed about
something?"

Can it be that parents are sentenced to a lifetime
of worry? Is concern for one another handed down
like a torch to blaze the trail of human frailties
and the fears of the unknown? Is concern a curse or
is it a virtue that elevates us to the highest form
of life?

One of my children became quite irritable recently,
saying to me, "Where were you? I've been calling
for 3 days, and no one answered. I was worried."

I smiled a wan smile. The torch has been passed.

[Sis359]

Thank you Telos, that was very touching, and so true.
Lori

[paradise45]

Oh, isn't this the truth!

My 22 year old son has pulled the same "Where were you? I've been calling, I was worried" on me. What a great feeling to have the shoe on the other foot for a change.

[mccbridge]

so true, so true

[kat]

This is so true! We didn't let our dd know that we were all going to St. Louis because she was in Florida - so who figured she'd call, right? Oh no.. not only did she call, but she left a couple of dozen nasty messages after the third day because we weren't home.

Of course I just laughed at her when she finally got back - and asked her why she didn't just call me on my cell. She knows I don't bother checking the answering machine while I'm out of town since I have voice mail on the cell & it's always with me.