Can you pass this test ?

[eaparham]

ARE YOU READY FOR CHILDREN? TAKE THE TEST….

MESS TEST: Smear peanut butter on the sofa and curtains. Now rub your hands in the wet flower bed and rub on the walls. Cover the stains with crayons. Place a fish stick behind the couch and leave it there all summer.

TOY TEST: Obtain a 55-gallon box of Legos. (If Legos are not available, you may substitute roofing tacks or broken bottles.) Have a friend spread them all over the house. Put on a blindfold. Try to walk to the bathroom or kitchen. Do not scream (this could wake a child at night).

GROCERY STORE TEST: Borrow one or two small animals (goats are best) and take them with you as you shop at the grocery store. Always keep them in sight and pay for anything they eat or damage.

DRESSING TEST: Obtain one large, unhappy, live octopus. Stuff into a small net bag making sure that all arms stay inside.

FEEDING TEST: Obtain a large plastic milk jug. Fill halfway with water. Suspend from the ceiling with a stout cord. Start the jug swinging. Try to insert spoonfuls of soggy cereal (such as Fruit Loops or Cheerios) into the mouth of the jug while pretending to be an airplane. Now dump the contents of the jug on the floor.

NIGHT TEST: Prepare by obtaining a small cloth bag and fill it with 8 to 12 pounds of sand. Soak it thoroughly in water. At 8:00 PM begin to waltz and hum with the bag until 9:00 PM. Lay down your bag and set your alarm for 10:00 PM. Get up, pick up your bag, and sing every song you have ever heard. Make up about a dozen more and sing these too until 4:00 AM. Set alarm for 5:00 AM. Get up and make breakfast. Keep this up for five years. Look cheerful.

PHYSICAL TEST (WOMEN) Obtain a large beanbag chair and attach it to the front of your clothes. Leave it there for 9 months. Now remove 10% of the beans.

PHYSICAL TEST (MEN): Go to the nearest drug store. Set your wallet on the counter. Ask the clerk to help himself. Now proceed to the nearest food store. Go to the head office and arrange for your paycheck to be directly deposited to the store. Purchase a newspaper. Go home and read it quietly for the last time.

FINAL ASSIGNMENT: Find a couple who already have a small child. Lecture them on how they can improve their discipline, patience, tolerance, toilet training, and child's table manners. Suggest many ways they can improve. Emphasize to them that they should never allow their children to run riot. Enjoy this experience. It will be the last time you will have all the answers.

[dianemarie]

FINAL ASSIGNMENT: Find a couple who already have a small child. Lecture them on how they can improve their discipline, patience, tolerance, toilet training, and child's table manners. Suggest many ways they can improve. Emphasize to them that they should never allow their children to run riot. Enjoy this experience. It will be the last time you will have all the answers.

I love this one! Someone I know was like this...BIG TIME! I have to say I love watching her with her kids now!!

[buckeyemomma]

I like the final assignment also

But, if men want a SMALL idea of what it is like to be pregnant:

PHYSICAL TEST (WOMEN) Obtain a large beanbag chair and attach it to the front of your clothes. Leave it there for 9 months. Now remove 10% of the beans.
LOL

[misha123]

Ok where the heck was this list before I had kids???????

[sushiosushi]

[Brittwoman]

Direct and to the point

[hrdlife1]

yep the truth LOVE IT!!! i too had a friend who loved to tell me what i was doing "wrong" with my children...all my fault they were the way they were, i was just a terrible mom...now that she has a child she BEGS me to tell her how i got mine to be such WONDERFUL children LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL hahhahahahahaha and i have to say well i just don't know...it just worked out for me LOLOLOLOLOL, that's why i never say "oh well my child would NEVER do that" cuz i have certainly learned that as soon as i say something like that my children go on a mission to prove me wrong everytime LOL

Another one you could add would be, tape a baby screaming..just as you're about to put your flour bag down play the tape at FULL VOLUME...repeat every 15 minutes until a year old...that would've been the test i needed for skylar, lol she was a screamer.....

[kat]

LOL! I've seen this before but I especially love the Legos one. My kids have nearly crippled me with Legos - try placing them on the stairs & not seeing them until it's too late at 3am.