To work or not to work?

[blondgirl]

I kind of got this job thrown at me. I wasn't looking for work or anything. But a friend of mine wanted someone she knew to fill a position where she works. She asked me if I would take it.

I thought what the heck. The hours are perfect for my scedule. I homeschool through the day. And the hours are 4:30 to 8:30. I can make supper and go to work and still be home by in time to give kids a bath and into bed. And it is only 3 days a week. Waiting tables. Not exactly an easy job. But I thought I would try it.

First step, talk to hubby. Did that, and he was like.......Why do you want to work honey? You have the most important job right here at home. These kids. .............

So I am like..........Well, 24/7 with the kids, we all need a break now and then from that. I told him I wanted to go to work to get away from the oh so important job that I already have. Make sence??

So, he says.......Whatever baby as long as you are happy. But all the time giving me the I don't approve of this look. YOu know the one.

And I don't really think that he tought I would do it. I called him at work and said.....By the way you have to pick the kids up from my sister's house tonight. I will be working til 8:00.

And, he was like.........What!!! I thought we desided that you didn't really want to work. That you wanted to stay home with the kids.

I am stunned. Thinking where was he last night when I told him that I was going to try it. Asleep. Selective hearing. What??

So I say........Dear, I told you that I am going to try it. And if I like it I am going to work. OK.

Silence...........then.......OK, if that is what you want. With the oh poor me sound to his voice. Ya know what I mean?

So then I go to work. He calls me at work. And he is like I am home. Where are you??

I am stunned, again. Thinking am I dreaming this. This man can't be for real.

So then I say......Honey I am work. Did you get the kids?.......Silence.......No, he says.

Calmly, I say......Dear the kids are at my sisters and you need to go pick them up and feed them supper. OK. I will be home in 3 hours. OK??? Silence........OK, he says. With that whipped pup sound. LOL!!

I get off the phone and say a little prayer for the kids. And tell my friend at work that I am not sure how long this will last.

So anyway I get home and both kids run fast as they can out to meet me. Acting like I had been gone for days instead of 4 hours. So I am thinking cool. They missed me.

I get inside. Hubby won't say anything to me, just cut his eyes at me when he didn't think I was looking.

So I say......Miss me?? He says, Yeah, we did. We had supper with out you. And I am like....yeah, I wanted you to eat and feed the kids. That is why I cooked before I left. Silence.

Then right before he went to bed he said......Did that make you happy?? Working??

And I said.......well, it wasn't bad. Felt good to get out of the house for a little while.

Then he was like......OK, but, I still don't know why you want to work. If it makes you happy to get away from us then I am happy.

He had to throw that in. "If it makes you happy to get away from us"

So I said....yeah it did. LOL!!!I missed you guys though.



So what do you think?? Work or stay home with the hubby and kids?? It is just 2 to 3 nights a week. And hours that fit into my scedule. Maybe not my hubby's though. lOL!!

[stking]

I say good for you!!! It will probably take a little getting used to but I think if you are enjoying it you should stick with it. Maybe dh and the kids will appreciate you a little more with you gone once in a while! Maybe if you don't NEED the money you can save it for a fun family get-away or something and that will ease their pain a bit! LOL!

(This is coming from a stay-at-home mom of 4 yrs, with three kids and one on the way!)

[hmsram]

OHH my blondgirl are you married to my husband LOL

I think some men the only thing that makes them happy is what they want us to do...

I did work for along time and my kids would always still need baths, feeding etc. when I got home if he picked them up from the sitter at all....

I love to work and I would love to have a job like yours but I would be going thru the same thing.

I dont know if you should work or not...
HOw old are your kids?
Now I could maybe be ok to leave the kids with dad at nite as my girl is 10 and the baby is 5 they can kinda take care of dad ya know LOL

I think if your happy go for it... Talk to your husband let him know that you enjoy it and want to keep it up ...He will get used to it...

I my self cant wait to get back to work soon... if dad aint happy well he will just have to learn to be LOL

Good luck

[blondgirl]

Originally posted by stking
Maybe dh and the kids will appreciate you a little more with you gone once in a while! Maybe if you don't NEED the money you can save it for a fun family get-away or something and that will ease their pain a bit! LOL!

(This is coming from a stay-at-home mom of 4 yrs, with three kids and one on the way!)

That's kind of what I was thinking, Maybe they will appreciate me more. My oldest was like....MOm, do you want that job?? Dad says you were just trying it to see if you liked it. Do you want it?? You have to be gone so long. I was only gone 4 hours!! LOL!!

And I thought of the......buy something for them or use the money for Christmas. Or something that they will see some benifit to them for my working. Ya know. Or like you said a family get-away.

I have been at home for 2 years. I liked it at first and I still do for the most part. My kids and hubby are very demanding. I like being needed but I need a break sometimes.

[blondgirl]

Originally posted by hmsram
I dont know if you should work or not...
HOw old are your kids?
Now I could maybe be ok to leave the kids with dad at nite as my girl is 10 and the baby is 5 they can kinda take care of dad ya know LOL

Well, I have two boys. 8 and 2.

I don't worry too much about my dear hubby taking care of the kids. He can. He just don't want to. LOL!! He will do it if he has to. He just likes to make me feel bad. Like I am not doing my job. And the he and the kids need me more then I need to work. Ya know what I mean?? LOL!! Men!! My hubby, I love him like crazy, but he is so self centered.

Good luck yourself in getting back to work.

[sweetcindy]

I do have a different view of this...not a popular one but here goes.
I think being a mother is the best job a woman can do. And yes, I know, it gets tiresome being in the house and always taking care of everyone. Moms need breaks too. Especially with yours being so young, you do have your hands full. I can understand wanting to get out and do something for yourself. However, I do believe the first priority for mothers are their children and husbands, the house...etc. I know you can still do all of it, but who wants to? Something will suffer, something has to give somewhere.
Basically, a wife is supposed to submit to her husband and if mine told me not to work, I wouldn't. Case closed. Yeah, I would be mad and upset if I really wanted to work but ultimately, it is his final word. That is how marriage works best and that is how I intend to do it when I remarry.
You do need a sense of self outside of your home and the kids...I know. Find something of your very own to escape when you need to. But unless you must work because your family won't eat unless you do....it is best to stay home.
Just my 2 cents on this subject.

[blondgirl]

Originally posted by sweetcindy
Find something of your very own to escape when you need. to But unless you must work because your family won't eat unless you do....it is best to stay home.
Just my 2 cents on this subject.

sweetcindy,

That is exactly what I am doing. I found something to escape with. It just happens to be a job. Where I can make a little extra spending money for me and the kids.

[Ttulipss]

Hey blondgirl,

It sounds like you enjoyed your night of working! Good for you! It is hard being a SAHM, believe me I know....mine are 2 and 3-1/2 and more than not I feel like a referee, not mom. Anyway, I do agree with Cindy to the point that if your dh adamantly doesn't want you to work, maybe you should reconsider. His original detesting to it though, could be a normal response to change.....not many people take change lightly. I would pray about it.

Here's my 2 cents:

I don't think your household will suffer from it as

1) You're still home with the kids most of the day
2) You're home in time to wrap up their day with bath and bedtime
3) You're still going through your daily routine, even having dinner prepared for your family
4) it is only 3 days a week

I toyed with the idea of working nights to bring extra money into the house, but we were talking 4-5 nights a week with possibly working weekends. Dh and I decided against this as it would not leave any time for us. Being that your job is only 3 nights a week and no weekends, sounds like you should not have that problem.

I truly think your dh will not have a problem with this (if this is truly what you want to do) when he sees that first paycheck come in. Hey, it may not be a whole lot, but it is additional and can be put away for "extras" for your family, family vacations, datenight for just you and dh, etc. He and the kids will adjust to their new routine and all will be fine.

Maybe talk to him about doing it for 3 months and re-evaluate everything at that time. Maybe this is just a phase for you, maybe it's the perfect thing and everything will be great, or maybe you'll decide it's not working at all and let your friend know. I know you don't want to let your friend down, but ultimately you do have to do what is best for you and your family.

[lauseng]

Everyone has to make their own decisions about these things.

I can see sweetcindy's view on this, but at the same time, you ARE being a mother first 156 hours a week. The remaining 12 you are working. Whether you're working or spending time with friends or extended family by yourself is immaterial. Everyone needs a little time off. *AND* I am a firm believer that children need some alone time with Dad too. My husband and I have already discussed that once we have children together, it may be in everyone's best interest if I find something (work, friends, a hobby) one day a week when he can take the kids to the park by himself or take them fishing or something like that. They need special memories of times alone with dad too.

Now, I also disagree with the whole DH has the final say view. Most decisions in our house are split based on who has a better grasp on it or based on who it effects more. For instance, I take care of the finances, so most financial decisions are mine, but I talk to DH about it all first. *BUT* if this decision is one that could seriously affect your marriage, think long and hard about it. While your DH doesn't sound like he's giving your feelings serious consideration, a 12-hour a week job isn't worth risking the stability of your marriage over. Hopefully you can sit down and talk to him. It may just be that his pride is hurt, thinking that you feel he isn't a good provider.

So, in a nutshell, I think you're perfectly justified to want to take a break for a few hours a week, earn a little spending money, and feel some worth outside of the home. I think that you ARE putting your priorities on home, family, DH, and children. Leaving for 12 hours a week, to me, doesn't make you any less of a devoted wife and mother. But, if your family doesn't agree, it may not be worth arguing over. Talk to your DH and decide for yourself.

Good luck.

Jackie

[aprilgail]

I honestly could never go without working...I love my daughter to bits but I need to get out in the real world with real people.....It is my personal decision to work and if ANY man told me not to he would be hitting the road.....marraige is a partnership...not something to "submit" to!!

[sweetcindy]

Originally posted by blondgirl


sweetcindy,

That is exactly what I am doing. I found something to escape with. It just happens to be a job. Where I can make a little extra spending money for me and the kids.

Yes, I know and it is only a few hours a week. But over time, people get more wrapped up in their jobs, working more hours, etc. I am so glad you are not working full time! Geeze, I hate to see Moms do that. Just a sad thing to see, they spread themselves so thin nowadays.

[kewlgirl29]

Girl!!!!!!!!
You should at least work at the job long enough for your family to realize you are not just put on this earth to meet their needs.
I have been in your same situation with the same feelings from the hubby and kids. I think its good for Moms to get out and have their own identity. I am a stay at home mom who works from home on a computer job 10+ hours a week. When I started the job I had a long talk with the family about respecting my working time. Stay quiet, dont come barging into the room with lots of noise etc. Well!!!! ha! After about 2 months they forgot my rules. Now they act like I am doing something I like!!!!!! That I shouldnt. Even my husband comes in and starts talking to me and asking me where things are and complaining about the world. Everyone thought it was great for me to be able to work at home but my family just doesnt want me to actually ever work. At least not when they are around. I wish all the time that I could work away from home a little to collect myself.... sort of be my own person again. We have 3 young children and I dont have a degree so I dont qualify for any job that may pay enough to cover the before and after school care on two and all day daycare on a third. Plus I made a pact with myself that I would try and stay home as long as possible with the kids.........
ANYWAY! my advice is to just smile and be positive and if your hubby throws that "If it makes you happy to leave us...... blah blah blah" just say in a nice calm voice that you love them all and you know its hard to adjust to, but its something you really want to try.
GOOD LUCK

[cata5]

I have been at home for 11 years. I like being here for my kids, kind of managing everyone's schedule and nurturing them, but I get tired of the cook/maid duties. My job has evolved over the years as my kids have grown. My DH was always asking me when I was going back to work!LOL I thought when was I going to do that? Between diaper changes?? It was bad enough when I was working and paying huge daycare bills while he went to school. Anyway, I told him I was never going back to work! (Because I really don't WANT 2 full time jobs.) However, now that my youngest will go off to K next year, I may need to get out.

The truth is sometimes our families take us for granted and like their life of leisure. I think your DH needs to get used to the idea that you'll be gone and he'll be responsible for the kids for those few hours. GEEEZ, It's not like you left them without food...

It's too early to tell how you're going to like it and how they are going to manage without you, but my vote is "go for it!".


I have always been available to my kids and their friends etc. BUT when I started coming to DOD almost one year ago I suddenly had my attention elsewhere for part of the day. My family had and still have a hard time with this although they are used to it. They want me to listen when they talk and jump when they need something. My oldest still mentions how mom is on the computer all the time. I love my computer time and feel like I've learned alot this last year. I feel connected with the world which is important for a stay at home mom. I won't give it up.

I think you should do something for yourself and for your family by getting out. They will adjust and be better off for it. You don't want them completely depending on you and taking you for granted. You still love them. You will have plenty of time with them. I prefer being a SAHM and I DO believe many women who work don't have enough time with their kids(I HAVE been there),but you are talking 12 hours...DO IT!

[Mouse7088]

ok..i have a lot to say on this subject.

for one..i don't see anything wrong with what you are pondering. your children are still w/ a parent..people just assume the parent to stay home is the mommy, that's society for ya. anyways, you really are still w/ the kids..it's a simple 12 hours a week. i'm going to tell ya that i am glad you've already tried it for a night. i have three children, 10, 8 and 6..i have been a sahm for 10 years w/ a small time in which i had to work 2 jobs..during my seperation and divorce and even then, the two children were w/ their dad. he saw it as being a glorified babysitter..hmmmm..funny, made me realize even more so that i was doing the right thing, if he FELT that way, Lord knows what he thought of me as.

i have a wonderful hubby now, but i have to say, if he told me "no", he better come up with a good argument as to why, not just because he said so. my first thought would be he just didn't want to help pick up the slack. which i found once to be sort of the truth, i was taking some "extra" college courses, for free. his sis is a professor at our local tech college, i took her classes w/o credit so the next year when i would be enrolled i could test out of them. my dh gave me such a sad story and guilt trip, that i just stopped going and you know what? noone mentioned a word about, noone asked why i wasn't going or anything..if you wanna feel defeated in a sense, that was it. for a couple of years i was so angry because what i did was just trying to keep peace and in the mean time, i felt like i had given up on something i really wanted.
well..it was getting closer to the time of my youngest starting school, only part time, but still..dh said, you'll soon be getting a part time job right? when school starts for all of them..well..i didn't say much..he later says it and i tell him "you know, i could be well on my way to having some sort of degree right now which may have helped me get a better job that i really loved and i let it go because of the guilt you all fed me..well, i'm gonna tell you this time how it's going to work..i have over 10 years at this job, no vacation or sick days, i'm going to be cashing them all in when they all start school. i will do what i want with this time and noone can make me do something i don't. ok, you want me to get a part-time job, but who will have to still take the kids to the doctors, dentist, pick them up when they get sick, stay home when they are sick? even get them off to school in the mornings until they reach an age when they can do it alone? ME! seems to me everyone wants something from me, but noone wants to help out, sooooo...the way i see it, i'd be better off taking this time to do what ever i want because i will never find a job around here that will allow me to come and go as my family seems to need."

it just ticked me off so badly that he also wanted me to be home with the kids, but when they would be starting school he expected even more from me, but when i looked to him to help out when i was taking about 12 hours of classes a week he wasn't there. i wish i would have stuck to my guns and kept up with the courses, it will be something i regret forever. if you like this job, if it makes you feel a bit more useful, if it gives you the "break" you need, I say go for it. what's the harm..the kids are with dad and heck, you'll even be bringing home a few bucks. i do have to agree w/ some of the others tho, if this causes trouble in your marriage and i mean beyond pouting, then it's really not worth it if your marriage means more than the 12 hour job. i don't think it's up to one person in a marriage to make the decisions, i'm sorry, that's a boss and an employee...not husband and wife. just because any of us have chosen to stay home, does in no way mean we lost the right in making decisons that may affect our family and our own personal state of being. if i would have decided on my own that i hated taking those classes, it would have been a lot better than still to this day feeling as if i got guilted into giving them up. i will never do that again. i allowed it to happen. we now have a business from our home that will basically be my job while the kids are in full-time school. THIS was a decision we came to together..no wear and tear on the car, no extra $ for wardrobe, no boss to ask for the day off etc..this i can live with and if i choose not to work one day, we'll lose money just the same as if i had to miss a day of work at "the office". if this is what you want..go for it babe, you're kids and hubby are not going to suffer some ill affects for it and who's to say you'll even really want to continue. good luck, now this post wore me out and about put me to sleep, i feel for the rest of you..lol!

[blondgirl]

Originally posted by Ttulipss
I don't think your household will suffer from it as

1) You're still home with the kids most of the day
2) You're home in time to wrap up their day with bath and bedtime
3) You're still going through your daily routine, even having dinner prepared for your family
4) it is only 3 days a week

This is what I had in mind too. I think if I don't work or at least get out once in a while my family will suffer. LOL!!