To work or not to work?

[blondgirl]

Originally posted by lauseng
*AND* I am a firm believer that children need some alone time with Dad too.

I think in this way it will be great for dh and boys. They need this even if they don't realize it. They need time away from me and time alone with eachother.

Thanks, Tracy

[blondgirl]

Originally posted by aprilgail
I honestly could never go without working...I love my daughter to bits but I need to get out in the real world with real people.....It is my personal decision to work and if ANY man told me not to he would be hitting the road.....marraige is a partnership...not something to "submit" to!!

The only way I would submit to a man is if he indeed had the families best interest in his mind not just HIS interest.

That is how my DH is. He is very self centered. Where I put my children and him before my needs. He puts his wants first and for most. Until he gets a grip on how it should be, I will not submit to his EVERY want.

[blondgirl]

Originally posted by sweetcindy


Yes, I know and it is only a few hours a week. But over time, people get more wrapped up in their jobs, working more hours, etc. I am so glad you are not working full time! Geeze, I hate to see Moms do that. Just a sad thing to see, they spread themselves so thin nowadays.

I will never get so wrapped up in a job that my kids will suffer. I always put them first. I believe that they need some time away from me.

[blondgirl]

Originally posted by kewlgirl29
Girl!!!!!!!!
You should at least work at the job long enough for your family to realize you are not just put on this earth to meet their needs.

LOL!! That is exactly how it is. I do love my family more then anything but I need some time to myself. I have tried the shopping thing but I hate shopping. I would rather work and spend the money I make on the kids.

Good luck with your stay-at-home job. If I could find one that wasn't a scam that is what I would rather do. I think.

[blondgirl]

Originally posted by cata5
I have been at home for 11 years.

That seems like a long time to be at home, but my Mom never worked when we were kids. Then after 25 years of marrige she got some training and became a nurse aid and was the happiest I had ever seen her. ..........then she left my Dad shortly there after....but that's another story. Anyway I think women need to do what they feel is important to them not just to hubby and kids. Or you will feel trapped. No one wants that. If men could put themselves in a womens shoes they might be able to see how it is for us. THey wouldn't like that trapped feeling either. I think this few hours a week will be good for my family.

We will just have to wait and see how much crap my dh gives me over it once he sees that I am liking it. LOL!!

[blondgirl]

I have been there too. I know this must be hard for you. YOu go girl. Don't let anyone stop you from realizing your dreams. Go to school now!!!

In my first marrige, my ex told me that if I worked while he went to school that as soon as he was out of his one year school that I could go to collage. Well........you guessed it.....no school. He would give me every excuse he could give to keep me from going. I do blame him. But someday I will see to it that my dreams are fulfiled. I may not want to go to school now but whatever my dreams may be I am not going to let some man stand in the way. As long as they don't hurt the family then the things you need out of life should not be a problem.

[mayfly]

Hey lady

I think there is nothing wrong at all with you working 3 nights a week. There is lots to benefit from it. I especially like the dad alone time. Personally I think its ok if you don't make it back in time for their baths too. As long as they get that good night snuggle.

Heres the deal- IF it starts affecting your marriage then it may be time to reevaluate the job.

There are 2 scenarios- 1st one- Your dh starts getting pouty and resentful, it will probably make you feel resentful that he is acting that way.... nothing good can come from that. If that happens, well I think something else deeper is going on. IMHO sometimes God brings up stuff so that he can heal and change us.

PROBABLY what will happen though is #2- You stay with this job, go through the adjusting period, and after 4-5 months you will see if this works for you and your family or not. DH may be a little pouty, but hopefully you both will keep good communication going.

The longer I have been married the more I realize how poor most men are about talking about how they really feel. Communication in a marriage is the hardest part for me. Part of it is that I have never seen it mentored, I come from a long line of divorced couples. SLLLLowly we are figuring it out. And you will too.

[blondgirl]

Originally posted by mayfly
Hey lady

I think there is nothing wrong at all with you working 3 nights a week. There is lots to benefit from it. I especially like the dad alone time. Personally I think its ok if you don't make it back in time for their baths too. As long as they get that good night snuggle.

Heres the deal- IF it starts affecting your marriage then it may be time to reevaluate the job.

There are 2 scenarios- 1st one- Your dh starts getting pouty and resentful, it will probably make you feel resentful that he is acting that way.... nothing good can come from that. If that happens, well I think something else deeper is going on. IMHO sometimes God brings up stuff so that he can heal and change us.

PROBABLY what will happen though is #2- You stay with this job, go through the adjusting period, and after 4-5 months you will see if this works for you and your family or not. DH may be a little pouty, but hopefully you both will keep good communication going.

The longer I have been married the more I realize how poor most men are about talking about how they really feel. Communication in a marriage is the hardest part for me. Part of it is that I have never seen it mentored, I come from a long line of divorced couples. SLLLLowly we are figuring it out. And you will too.

I think it will be #2, he will of course pout. He is already doing that.

And the communication in our house is zero!! I am begining to realize that my husband has never been honest with me about his feelings on anything. And for the most part I get the silent treatment until he needs something or wants something. He has selective hearing. He only hears what he wants. But that is another long story. We won't go there today.

Hope you can get all of it figured out for you and your family.
Tracy

P.S. What does this mean? "IMHO"

[PAAR]

After my first dau was born 8 1/2 yrs ago I went from full time to PT b/c my sp and I could work out child care w/the help of a wonderful woman who took care of my dau as if she was her own when my sp could not be home w/her. We moved when I was pregnant w/my 2nd child and I have been home for 6 years now. My youngest just started Kindergarten which is full day here and for the first month I loved the free time. So many things i could get done in a day. It was amazing. Then I got bored!!! I could not believe it. I was looking at the clock counting the hours till they would come home. Yes I had other responsibilites, teaching sunday school and bible study every Wed. but most of my friends still have preschoolers at home so they were busy. I decided to substitute teach at my kids school. It is the best of both worlds. I am in the same building w/them so we have the same hours and days plus I can work when I want to or not if I have an appointment. I am making extra money and making a difference in the life of a child, not just my own. I hate to see parents who sit home all day and expect everyone else to raise them so I am trying to do my small part. I challenge all of you who are sahm's if your children are in school to sub or at least volunteer at your childs school. It is so worthwhile.

[monapoe]

Blondgirl,
First off, I have to say your post was too funny! I know it probably wasn't funny when it was happening to you though, lol. My opinion is do what YOU want to do. I can tell you have already given thought to your husband and children by working within their schedules. If the couple hours away make you happy, everybody at home will sense that eventually and will be ok once they settle into a new routine. Just give your husband time, lol, he'll be ok. I had my first child at 19 and now I'm 33 with 4 children, so I know the feeling of needing some time alone. I stay at home because I want to be home for my children. However, when my youngest will be in school, I intend on going back to work. I just see no sense in me sitting at home by myself when I could be out contributing to the household financially. I will make sure though, that I will be home when the kids get home from school. That's just my preference. But I have known many children who's parents both worked and they have turned out just fine. I guess it's just a matter of your own personal preference, the keyword being your "OWN". Do what makes you feel good and everybody else will adjust. It may be a while before an opportunity like that comes around again. You know, with good hours to work around your schedule. Good luck!

[Shainie]

It really burns my butt when people have the idea that when mommy leaves to do something else, she's neglecting her family. But daddy can work 2 jobs and see the kids 15 mintues a day - but that's okay! (**deep breath**)

The basic point is, you're getting out of the house, your kids still have a full-time parent, your husband is getting some one-on-one time with the kids, and you're making a little extra money on the side. I don't see anyone suffering.

Well, of course your husband will have to get used to it. LOL He probably had it easy before, since you did all the work! My husband would be the same way. It's two issues - control over their wife, and having to do more domestic duties than before.

Yes, kids are a top priority - but your #1 priority above all is yourself. Because if you don't do things to make yourself happy, you're not going to be much use to your kids.

SweetCindy I do agree that parents - moms and dads- spread themselves too think - and even though I work, my son is always top priority. But every individual is different, and there are women who are not made out to be SAHM's. There are people who SAHM because they feel they should, and then are miserable and do not enjoy their time with the kids, which has a negative impact on the kids. Then there are the working moms who cherish their children and make the best out of every single minute they have with their kids. The quality of the time is more important than the quantity.

[blondgirl]

Originally posted by monapoe
Blondgirl,
First off, I have to say your post was too funny! I know it probably wasn't funny when it was happening to you though, lol.

Oh, I think it is funny too. THe way my hubby and I communicate. It is funny NOW. I used to get mad. But I have decided until God grants a miracle in our lives. It is best to laugh and go on when I can. So that is the twist I put on my words in my original post. I am glad someone caught the humor I put into my words. When all else fails laugh. LOL!!

Paar,
I think it is great that you are getting involved in your children's education. Great for you!! I homeschool so I am VERY involved. LOL!! I totally agree, if you can't homeschool then get involved in your public school.

[blondgirl]

Originally posted by Shainie
It really burns my butt when people have the idea that when mommy leaves to do something else, she's neglecting her family. But daddy can work 2 jobs and see the kids 15 mintues a day - but that's okay! (**deep breath**)

The basic point is, you're getting out of the house, your kids still have a full-time parent, your husband is getting some one-on-one time with the kids, and you're making a little extra money on the side. I don't see anyone suffering.

Well, of course your husband will have to get used to it. LOL He probably had it easy before, since you did all the work! My husband would be the same way. It's two issues - control over their wife, and having to do more domestic duties than before.

Yes, kids are a top priority - but your #1 priority above all is yourself. Because if you don't do things to make yourself happy, you're not going to be much use to your kids.

SweetCindy I do agree that parents - moms and dads- spread themselves too think - and even though I work, my son is always top priority. But every individual is different, and there are women who are not made out to be SAHM's. There are people who SAHM because they feel they should, and then are miserable and do not enjoy their time with the kids, which has a negative impact on the kids. Then there are the working moms who cherish their children and make the best out of every single minute they have with their kids. The quality of the time is more important than the quantity.

I totally agree with all that you said. Sometimes we are better off to get away from our kids and hubbys just for a few minutes or hours just to regroup and let off some steam. And then maybe we can appreciate each other more. And the time together can be quality time. Right??

[lightning1966]

Originally posted by Mouse7088
i don't think it's up to one person in a marriage to make the decisions, i'm sorry, that's a boss and an employee...not husband and wife.

Thanks, Mouse! I agree! I couldn't have said it any better, myself!

[cata5]

Originally posted by blondgirl


That seems like a long time to be at home

11 years IS a long time. My girls were 4, 2, and 5 months when I quit working. Since then, we've had 2 boys, too. Lots of kids need lots of time and TAKE lots of time...LOL It is well worth it, but stress does build and if you can't take care of your own needs, your family could suffer.