Things you'd love to say at work, but can't

[lovemydogs]

THINGS YOU'D LOVE TO SAY AT WORK, BUT CAN'T

1. I can see your point, but I still think you're full of ****.

2. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.

3. How about never? Is never good for you?

4. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.

5. I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to see it my way.

6. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.

7. I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message..

8. I don't work here. I'm a consultant.

9. It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you're saying.

10. Ahhh...I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again...

11. I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.

12. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.

13. I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't give a d***.

14. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.

15. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.

16. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view

17. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.

18. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.

19. What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?

20. I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.

21. It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.

22. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.

23. And your crybaby whiny-butt opinion would be...?

24. Do I look like a people person?

25. This isn't an office. It's **** with fluorescent lighting.

26. I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.

27. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.

28. If I throw a stick, will you leave?

29. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.

30. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.

31. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.

32. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.

33. Can I trade this job for what's behind door #1?

34. Too many freaks, not enough circuses.

35. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?

36. Chaos, panic, & disorder - my work here is done.

37. How do I set a laser printer to stun?

38. I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted pay checks.

[LocaChica]

LMAO @ 25 & 37

[lovemydogs]

LocaChica, I guess you have to have worked in the right environment to understand, huh?

[andywon]

I have said some of these things at work.Mabye thats why i cant keep a job. Hmmmmmmm.......... nope there fault lol

[LocaChica]

or just have a strange, sarcastic sense of humor. LOL

[lovemydogs]

LocaChica, I'm hurt!! I can't believe you would accuse me of being STRANGE? Me, the woman who sleeps with six dogs? The woman who can't bypass a deal, even if it's for something she really doesn't need? I mean, why not order that free sample of Depends or that free condom? Just because I haven't the need for either of them now doesn't mean I won't ever, huh? Who knows what the future holds? Oh, and by the way, you just confirmed #12!!

[devlina2u]

ROFL!!!! These are hilarious!!!

I surely would love to tell them at a work place but I would not prefer to hear them......LOL!

[dixichik]

Will remember #'s 1,3,6,9,14,28,and 31 for my annual fight with DH. Only get to go at it about once a year, as it is hard to fight with someone who won't fight back. I do try, tho.

[jsalba]

That was hysterical!! I actually have said a few of those things at work.. but never heard of most..

I am printing this list out for future use and will be setting aside some quiet time to memorize the entire list.

Thanks for posting this.. I was laughing hysterically when I was reading it!

[blueaguave]

A certain song written by David Allan Coe for Johnny Paycheck comes to mind!!!!

[prism68]

so funny! and just the thing to keep in my pocket for those "hormonally influenced rages" I'm prone to >)

#19- flypaper for freaks-
OMG now it makes sense why I attract these people!!!

[lovemydogs]

Glad I could give you guys a laugh!

[ftmom]

Oh that was too funny.. I printed it for my hubby.. **** like it...