Teenagers that lie!

[brieke]

I wanted to ask anyone here that has a teenager this question...how do you handle your teen when he/she lies? I am at a loss as to what to do with my 14 year old daughter.She feels the need to lie about so many different things and I have tried all kinds of punishments.I have taught her to always tell me the truth but she's definitely got her own mind!I'm getting WAY TOO MANY gray hairs over this!

[hrdlife1]

i have no idea how to help mine are only 4 and 2 but i thought i'd give ya a hug cuz you looked like you needed one

[brieke]

Thank you,Steph,I needed that! ((((HUGS)))) to you,too,for all you go through with your little ones.(I read your posts!)

[Jaxxie]

For some reason i have found with my own two they are now 22 and 16 they both lied, about the stupidest things. The 22 yr old when she was 16 i caught her lying to a friend about a paper she received a B+ on. I know she worked her butt off on the paper and i was proud of her. Told her so too. But i overheard her telling her friend on the phone that I was angry with the B and that if it wasn't an A then it wasn't worth looking at. TOTAL LIE. I was crushed. I then confronted her and said you have truly hurt my feelings and i feel that you have made your friends see me in a bad way that only you created in their minds. Of course you must do this with tears in your eyes for the effect. She grew out of the "dramatics" she wanted in her life. But for some reason girls just want the sympathy and dramatics i have found. She just graduated college and wrote me the most beautiful thank you note about what wonderful parents she has and how she is truly blessed. Oh now she tells me too much that goes on in her life. Some things i feel i would be MUCH better off not knowing. LOLOL

But my son. UGH. Do boys have feelings when they are 16?
Anyway when he was ages 12-15 he lied constantly. He is the type that would tell you the teacher wouldn't take his homework because the paper was wrinkled, or he was the one who cleaned up the kitchen when he knows damn well he didn't. My favorite was he would tell his friends were very rich..LMAO So when i caught him lying i would just say okay you stand by that story and if he said yes, i would say..i will call the school tommorrow, the look on his face usually tells me whether or not he has told the truth. The other thing i also do is if he lies to his friends no matter what it is, whether he is teasing or joking, i tell his friends the truth. By doing this, this has curbed his story telling tremendously. I never yell when i know he lies, i just bluntly say, i find that hard to believe and until you prove it to me i am sorry i cannot believe you. He is much better now as he grows older. i have actually called them a thief. Then they yell back to me WHAT I DIDN'T STEAL ANYTHING. I calmly reply, yes you did, you just stole the truth and to lie is to steal.

Good luck to you in these happy years of hormone ****. Start looking for those Valium freebies....they help..LMAO

[chippers21]

My kids (ages:23,20,18,15)did not lie so much as they tried to hide the truth of things they had done. They told each other, though, and eventually it got back to me. I am not sure anything I have done has caused it, but so far all my kids are basic good people. I am way too fond of lecturing, as evidenced by my kids referring to my lecture as #..... (as in please do not give me lecture #17 again)

[SkyeJaz]

I have twin 17 y.o. sons...they lie about really dumb things...and they make up such ridiculous stories that they should write fiction...However, they (to my knowledge) have NOT lied about the 10 or so things that are TOTALLY NOT TO BE COMPROMISED RULES in my house...they will lie to their friends about grades 'cuz they really don't want friends to know that THEY care about them (god forbid), they will lie to their grandparents about their gifts (no, I LIKE the sweater), and stuff like that...I guess I'm fortunate that they are FINALLY learning about other's feelings and the difference between lying to save your skin and white lies. Brieke, my suggestion is if your daughter feels that she needs to lie, take her out when you're not angry with her, and let her know that while SOME lies MIGHT be tolerated...others will NOT and if she hopes to drive when she turns 16, she'll learn the diff pretty darn quick..LOL

[csmommy]

Sorry brieke, my children are still too young also, 5 & 2. But you guys are scaring me!!! I guess what people say IS correct: Little children little problems, big children big problems. And all bad phases come to an end, just don't pull your hair out!! (((brieke))) Good luck!

[cata5]

I have to agree that teen girls need alot of drama in their lives which leads to "twisting" their parents words or taking things out of context. I joke alot with my girls about not dating until they're 25 etc. They have been heard telling their friends these things as if they are fact. Which is not to say they're telling lies, but everyone views things differently.

I would worry if my child lied about where they were going or where they had been. That seems like trouble. If it is only about small things then I would be aware but not make it a major issue. I think Jaxxie is right about letting them know you will find out for yourself whether or not they are being truthful. Or let them know their lies could hurt their friendships.

I have this problem with my 8 yr old which is different but as frustrating. He lies about brushing his teeth etc. I tell myself often that as long as he isn't hurting anyone or anything I should not make it a major issue. It only wastes his time by having to stop what he is doing and go brush his teeth (or whatever) We keep it a short discussion without too much emotion altho sometimes I am sooo mad. In this case too he is more lazy than a liar...

On the other hand, I have seen some major lies come from my neighbor boy. He has put himself in some dangerous situations with his lies and he too is only 8. I have even caught him doing things that he has then lied about to his parents in front of me.I was very worried about him and his influence on my son. It has passed I think but I still keep my eye on him.LOL

Try to focus on the GOOD in your daughter and maybe it will soon pass.

[babytiger120]

I have good news and bad news for you. The bad news is my twin sister and I lied about anything and everything when we were teenagers. The good news is we outgrew it.
I saw this post and asked my sister about it. She had the same reply as me. We don't know why we did it. Sorry, not much help to you. I guess I was about 17 (I'm 26 now) when I finally realized that I had nothing to gain by lying to my grandparents. (they raised my sister and myself)
From what my sister and I could gather, it was just a stage we went through. We weren't looking for attention or anything else. We were raised to always tell the truth, and we received more than enough love and guidance growing up.
I'm afraid I wasn't able to give you a solution, but I hope this helped to ease your mind. Good luck!

[brieke]

Thank you,everyone,for all your suggestions and stories...at least I know I'm not alone!In fact,some of you put your parents through more torture than my daughter does to me...I feel better already!

[smileygirl]

What did your parents say to you when you lied as a teenager, and also I wouldn't make I big deal out of it, cause if you do make a big deal, they will lie more, to get the attention, and also do you tell little white lies, everybody lies in some point of their lives, so when she lies don't say anything but when she does good, praise her, and maybe she will stop lying cause she's not getting a rise out of you when she lies. smileygirl

[bonniejeanne]

Boy, the most I can do is just shake my head sometimes. I can be looking right at my 14 year old son and watch him do something, and he'll still swear that he didn't do it. It's never about anything real important, so there's really no need to lie. I can't figure it out for the life of me.

[iluvcoupons]

LMAO. My daughter who is 10, lied a lot. She does the same thing as you mentioned. Just when you think it sinks in not to lie, they do something else. Can't figure it out either.

Originally posted by bonniejeanne
Boy, the most I can do is just shake my head sometimes. I can be looking right at my 14 year old son and watch him do something, and he'll still swear that he didn't do it. It's never about anything real important, so there's really no need to lie. I can't figure it out for the life of me.