Empty nester?

[chippers21]

It is actually happening for me in the very near future. My married son and daughter-in-law are finishing packing the last few items to move to Chile. My youngest son will be leaving for his second year of college in just a month.
Then it will be me and dh and the dog. A little apprehensive. A little excited. It has been 28 years since we were just "us"
Any empty-nesters out there? How do you handle it? Any advice from some of you youngsters, who are still smack in the middle of raising your families?

[Debbie42]

I envy you we were empty nesters for about five years just really getting used to it and really settleing into our own ways when our youngest daughter got herself into trouble and we have had custody of two of our grandkids for the last three years. I love them but miss some of the times of it being just me and dh.

[chippers21]

Originally Posted by Debbie42

I envy you we were empty nesters for about five years just really getting used to it and really settleing into our own ways when our youngest daughter got herself into trouble and we have had custody of two of our grandkids for the last three years. I love them but miss some of the times of it being just me and dh.

I find that you can make all the plans you want for when your children are grown, but life just happens anyway. I know you must find it tough sometimes, but you are doing the best thing for your family I am certain.

[june72]

Gosh I couldn't imagine a empty house....I would be crazy. The more home the better for me. don't get me wrong I love my quiet time too. even if I have to stay up half the night to get it lol But shewwwwwwww a empty house with just me and dh gosh thats several years down the road and don't even want to think that far away.

[june72]

Originally Posted by Debbie42

I envy you we were empty nesters for about five years just really getting used to it and really settleing into our own ways when our youngest daughter got herself into trouble and we have had custody of two of our grandkids for the last three years. I love them but miss some of the times of it being just me and dh.

awww that is so great of you to take care of them......I am sure it is rough but I can bet you say it is worth it. If you were close to me I would babysit for ya and give you some time alone again. I have 3 of my neices now on top of my 3 boys lol

[Debbie42]

I don't mean to fuss I adore my grandkids I seem to have more patience with them then I did with mine. I was 18 when dh and I got married we had our first child when I was 18 and our 3rd by the time I was 21. The kids are 5 and 7 the oldest just learned to ride with no training wheels about a month ago. Because all four, nine weeks of first grade he made the principles honor roll when he learned to ride with out the training wheels Papa went out and bought him a new bike. He is so proud of it he had a wreak on it the other day and skinned his knee up really bad but he was more worried about the fact that he had knocked his reflector off his bike then his knee. The youngest she is just spoilt rotten she is papa's girl. I think the hardest part for me is I have seven grandkids and I feel like I don't get to be a grandma much to the others. Any way like you said the best laid plans sometimes get waylaid by life. You will really miss your kids at first but you will get used to it just being the two of you.

[lookin4delz]

Originally Posted by chippers21

It is actually happening for me in the very near future. My married son and daughter-in-law are finishing packing the last few items to move to Chile. My youngest son will be leaving for his second year of college in just a month.
Then it will be me and dh and the dog. A little apprehensive. A little excited. It has been 28 years since we were just "us"
Any empty-nesters out there? How do you handle it? Any advice from some of you youngsters, who are still smack in the middle of raising your families?

I just read in this month's Reader's Digest: "It's true you can go home again-if you're a 20-something that is. Members of that age group are having a hard time finding jobs or their bliss, so boomerang kids are moving back in with Mom and Dad. Big Time. In fact, 65% of recent college grads said that's where they're headed" Reader's Digest Aug. 2005 pg. 143

So just think about it as a possible leave of absence for a couple years-lol
My kids 13,8,7, when the kids are at a friends house it sure feels weird without them around. Hope you adjust well.

[mayfly]

Awww Debbie, it sounds like you are such a good grandma. Just the fact that you want to give all your grandkids equal attention proves that. (((((((((Big Hugs))))))))


June, we are about the same age (me 34). I have found in parenting that when you have little kids at home it just BREAKS your heart to think of them ever growing up and leaving. But because that is the natural way over time you start to want to see them succeed as adults. For me it started happening as my oldest daughter and I really began developing a friendship. I can see the possibilites of the fun we will have when she is an adult. I have to reign it in and put the mom hat back on, but I have a great hope for the future. I am still a little sad that they are growing up (my oldest is 15), but I would never want to go back to when they were all little kids. So I guess what I am telling you is that what you are feeling is very normal for the stage you are in, and don't worry because it gets easier. I don't know how easy because I have yet to have one leave, but I do know I feel a lot different then when the thought of them leaving was unbearable.

[YorkieLover]

When DS moved out, it was really hard for me. It was like an arm was cut off, and I kept looking for it. That was a few years ago. I'm lots better now, but I still miss him. Even though he lives very close, I don't get to spend a lot of time with him because of his busy schedule. (How dare he have a life outside of mine - hahahaha.)

A little over a year ago, DD moved out. She also lives very close, and I get to see her five days a week, as she works in our home office, so that has helped me a lot ... that we get to visit and hug and still stay very close.

I remember telling my mom, when her last child was going to move out, that she needs to reconnect with my dad ... since she was so very focused on us kids ... and I should have been taking my own advice! It's really hard! First, when a kid moves out, the whole family dynamics changes. Really! Then, when the last kid moves out ... and it really is just you and your DH ... we found ourselves looking at each other and was like, "Well, what do we do now?" Our life revolves around work and kids, so when all of a sudden I wasn't involved with the business, and the kids moved out ... it's tough!!!

Slowly, but surely, we have 'reconnected', and now we talk up a storm about everything, and while the kids are still very important to us, we know it's about 'us' now. The kids have their own lives, and we have to have ours. It's kind of freeing to let that part go ... the constantly thinking about the kids ... but it's for the best - for us and for them. I can honestly say DH is my best friend, and I'm looking forward to retiring with him and getting to see some more of our beautiful country ... the two of us.

From what I've heard, some people are really happy the last kid is out, and some people almost go through a mourning stage ... and probably everything in between those two. Just give yourself time to get used to it. I try to keep busy with the house and yard, and I have my little dog to keep me company and to care for, and I know that helps me a lot. When someone needs a little help, I have time now. Right now I'm taking a day or two a week and helping my dad clean up his house and sort through his tons of papers. How about a hobby you've never had time for? How about a fun cooking class to jazz up your skills? How about an instructional class you've been thinking of taking? How about taking up RV'ing or hiking? The way I look at it, the busier you can keep yourself to help you get over the worst of it, the better, and then one day you'll look around and be okay with it all.

Good luck with your transformation!!!

[june72]

Originally Posted by june72

awww that is so great of you to take care of them......I am sure it is rough but I can bet you say it is worth it. If you were close to me I would babysit for ya and give you some time alone again. I have 3 of my neices now on top of my 3 boys lol

Yea it is very much worth it. Thanks wish you were could help each other out. My mil is the best, it don't matter what I have to do she is always there to babysit when needed. They are precious and they grow up fast so hang in there and enjoy every minute with them. The hardest part is gettin use to sharing your time between dh and kids.
Dh and I were married 9 years before our ds came along. They didnt think I could have kids and we were checking into adoption when I got pregnant. Lord knows what he is doing. They were tough years, but needless to say our house always had someones kids in it. They all still holler to come to aunt junnies house. Last summer I had 16 of my nieces and nephews over for the night. They ranged in ages from 1-17. Was a great time. Just hang in there. We are now ready to hit our 17th anniversary and our boys are just 7, 6 and 22 months. We went backwards but there is no way I want my empty nest back. Ever get in Ky holler.

[june72]

Originally Posted by mayfly

Awww Debbie, it sounds like you are such a good grandma. Just the fact that you want to give all your grandkids equal attention proves that. (((((((((Big Hugs))))))))


June, we are about the same age (me 34). I have found in parenting that when you have little kids at home it just BREAKS your heart to think of them ever growing up and leaving. But because that is the natural way over time you start to want to see them succeed as adults. For me it started happening as my oldest daughter and I really began developing a friendship. I can see the possibilites of the fun we will have when she is an adult. I have to reign it in and put the mom hat back on, but I have a great hope for the future. I am still a little sad that they are growing up (my oldest is 15), but I would never want to go back to when they were all little kids. So I guess what I am telling you is that what you are feeling is very normal for the stage you are in, and don't worry because it gets easier. I don't know how easy because I have yet to have one leave, but I do know I feel a lot different then when the thought of them leaving was unbearable.

Welp we are ain't we....I remember when 33 was old.........not no more lol
Our kids would have been close to the same age if me and dh had, had them when we first married. but like I said God knows best.
gosh I would hope it to get easier, they do things everyday and I look at dh and say they are growing up on us. wish you could've heard ds sing at church tonight "Steppin On The Clouds" he did a great job. He loves to sing. They sure are precious.

[chippers21]

Well we are down to 3, including my 19 year old...who works all day and "plays" all night and has plans for every weekend. He is ambitious and busy. I would not change him for the world, but it is like having an empty nest already.
The hardest part for me so far is that my hubby gets up early for work and wants to go to bed early. I get up when I feel like it and go to bed when I feel like it. (my work shifts are almost all 1-6 PM) I need to be nicer to hubby, if you know what I mean.
All of you that have commented on being in your 30's- - enjoy it. For me that time just zoomed by, with 4 children and all that entails.

[june72]

Originally Posted by chippers21

Well we are down to 3, including my 19 year old...who works all day and "plays" all night and has plans for every weekend. He is ambitious and busy. I would not change him for the world, but it is like having an empty nest already.
The hardest part for me so far is that my hubby gets up early for work and wants to go to bed early. I get up when I feel like it and go to bed when I feel like it. (my work shifts are almost all 1-6 PM) I need to be nicer to hubby, if you know what I mean.
All of you that have commented on being in your 30's- - enjoy it. For me that time just zoomed by, with 4 children and all that entails.

So sorry this is tough for you, I can only imagine what you feel.
Your hubby sounds like mine early to bed early to rise.......i'm a night owl, but I also don't work so I am able to do that. lol I know whatcha mean.
Yea I agree with that my 30's are swiftly passing by. to swiftly.
I will pray for God to send you comfort to deal with this.