I think Iam giong to die

[Juliannaluv]

Why does love hurt so much? As most of you know, I endured an abusive marriage for many years. Last summer i got the courage to leave and move on. Imet the most amazing man and we have been together for 8 months....until Thursday. He first said he needed some time tothink some things through because his feelings had changed.....then he gave me al of my pictures, etc back because "if we don't get back together after 2 weeks that will just be done". Let me tell you, I have never loved anyone the way I love him. Even when I was married I did not have feelings like this. I have told him I will do anything for him to come back to me and he just sayd "I don't know, I just need time". I have this tremendous fear that he's not coming back and I can't live without him. I haven't eaten or had anything to drink since Wednesday. I ended up in the hospital ER on Friday with a severe migraine and dehydration. Then to top it off they told me that I am pregnant...I can feel myself miscarrying because of the stress, lack of food & water and no sleep. My body can't handle it. I talked to him about it and he would prefer to terminate the pregnancy anyhow so I suppose this is best.

How do I go on living? I just want him back. How do I get him back? I just want t curl up into a ball and die! I can't even take care of my children...I had to send them to be with someone who could take care of them. this pain is unbearable

You must get control. If you are pregnant then you are thinking for two. The stress is not helping you, your situation or you unborn child. You need to eat something, no matter how small. Often when you go without nutrition your mind doesn't work like it should and you get really more depressed. As for this "wonderful man" you are describing. It may seem like the end of the world but, it isn't always impossible to be alone. If he did this now, imagine what would happen in the future. Perhaps you could both seek counseling. Do you have family or a church community around? I do believe from your post that you need lots and lots of support. You will be in my thoughts and prayers. (Hugs)

[Snowpuff]

Your #1 priority is taking care of your children. You must see that all their needs are met. You must also eat well and take care of yourself.

Get help ~ from your family, counseling, whatever it takes to get your priorities straight and get back on track.

You must not be so emotionally dependent on "love" and having a man in your life.

Take care of your children and yourself. Good luck to you.

[juliet57]

An abusive marriage can leave you with low self-esteem. Any relationship based on "I have told him I will do anything for him to come back to me" is not a healthy relationship. You can't make someone love you, either he does or he doesn't, but you are no less valuable a person no matter which way things go. What Snowpuff said is true, your kids should be your first priority, as is taking care of yourself. Which do you think a man would find more appealing - a pitiful soul who can't take care of herself or her kids because of how he acts or a self-confident woman who knows she is a wonderful person regardless of what anyone else thinks? I'm sure it does hurt and I feel for you but it will get better. I had been married one week shy of 26 years when my husband woke me up one morning and said he didn't feel well. An hour later he was dead. I'm just telling you that so you know I have been through hurt myself. We are resilient creatures and can live through far more than we give ourselves credit for. If things were meant to work out with this man they will and if not you have to move on and you can if that is what happens. For now you need to take care of yourself and your kids.

[lookin4delz]

(((You are in my prayers juliannlove))) Remember who is always there for you-The Lord is a present help in time of trouble, He will not leave you or forsake you and He loves you with an everlasting love. I pray you will have peace through this, that the Lord will guide you and give you wisdom. With God's help you can do all things. (((((Lots of hugs)))))

[YorkieLover]

I think juliet57 put it very succintly - especially the part about you can't make someone love you.

My heart goes out to you, Juliannaluv! I know how you are hurting, and the black cloud above you will go away. Just try to remember that YOU are a good person, YOU did nothing wrong, and YOU and your kids are the most important thing in life. Put you and your kids first, in all things, and since that's the right thing to do, everything will work out for you soon. You are stronger than you know, and when you can lift yourself up, you'll be just that much more proud of yourself. If we hinge our happiness on someone else, you will most likely be disappointed since we're dealing with humans here. You have been through a lot in the last few years, and from now on, you need to do whatever makes YOU happy, and that will trickle down to the kids.

You sound so down, I feel so badly for you now. Please be strong, and know you can hold your head up ... and someday your heart, too ...

[mayfly]

Julie, I noticed you haven't been on lately, and I have been wondering. (((((((((((gentle hug)))))))))))))). There are times in life where we need to live one minute, one second at a time. This is one of them. "I can get through this for this minute. I will not worry about the next minute."

You are worth it Julie.

wash your face in this minute.

drink a glass of hot tea.

and write. Open up your word pad, and write everything down. Its the thoughts spinning inside your brain that you need to get out.

I know you can do this Julie. I know you can.
(((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))))))

[hmsram]

Please try to get your head together ....I feel so bad for you but your children need there mom to be well... NO MAN NOWhere is worth haveing your children suffer...A mother is what children need and if the man is so quickly just saying terminate the pregnancy then its best not to have that man in your life...I know you hurt and I wish nothing but the best for you.... But please for your childreen get your self together, clean ya self up and go get your babies and take them to a park, a zoo a nice picnic anything , I did that once when I was split up with my dh I was about to lose control of my whole life , and I finally got up one morning dressed the kids and went to the park and played the whole day...it was amazing how being with them helped me...They needed me, and once I let my self try I realized that all I really needed was them

I will pray for you and your children and also for your unborn child, no matter what you decide to do I will not down you one bit just please for the children just try to get ya self together ....

Sorry if it sounded as I was rambling I just was typing so fast cause I feel so bad for you right now

[Jaxxie]

Ok Juliana you were smart enough to get out of an abusive relationship and you are smart enough to get through this. Do NOT turn this into a multiple tragedy. You are a valuable human being, I know you think this was your last chance at love but it isn't. He was the first person to show you kindness after your divorce, I can promise he won't be the last. You need to set an example for your children who I know you love and they love you. You may have been let down, but please don't let your children down. The worst thing you can do is beg for him back, you need to look in the mirror and tell yourself "We (meaning you and your children) will be fine!" You never know what the future holds. Now go take a nice hot shower, do your hair, put on makeup and realize tommorrow is another day and who knows who you might meet!

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[Snowpuff]

hmsram was right ~ spend an entire day making your children happy! Take them to the park, a picnic, for ice creams, the zoo, whatever! And do it often! Having fun and laughing with your children will perk you up and make you feel so good about yourself, them and life in general!

We're all sending you the best hugs and vibes we can. Let us know how you're doing.

[telos2000]

I am sooooo sorry! I have no idea how my original post ended up on this thread. I thought was posting in another thread about broken bones instead of a broken heart.

Julie, you are getting some very good advice here. I can't add much, but I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. I sincerely pray that you will receive the peace that surpasses all understanding.


{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Julie}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

[tlspiegel]

Telos! You're in the wrong thread...

Juliana you WILL get through this. Coming out of an abusive relationship leaves one's head and physical being all messed up. Signals that seem good don't set up the red flags that normally would be there for you.

You're antennae are out of whack.

This new guy is NOT worth worrying one more minute about. You WILL realize that he is also being abusive to you by hanging you out to dry like this. He either is for you, or he's not. Tell him to hit the road, until he figures out what he wants to do. There should be no question in his head. Until then you chill g-friend.

The bottom line: Any guy who lets you dangle on the end of a string needs to have that string cut. If he is so wishy-washy now (and I'm SURE he's a very nice guy) just imagine what it will be like in the future when he get's a bug up his a** about something. Your hair, your kids, it could be anything that throws him for a loop. Then what do you do? You wish you never met him. NEVER EVER tell anyone - you'll do anything to be with them or have them come back to you. This gives HIM the POWER. YOU TAKE the POWER. Learn to say NO! And mean it.

Hugs to you - you will make it through this. It's a test of your strength. God is giving you a lot right now - I realize it's almost impossible to see the light at the end of this tunnel. But you Pray and Pray some more. Pray for guidance.

[Shainie]

Originally Posted by juliet57

Which do you think a man would find more appealing - a pitiful soul who can't take care of herself or her kids because of how he acts or a self-confident woman who knows she is a wonderful person regardless of what anyone else thinks?

This is what came to my mind. Saying you'd do anything for him to come back . . . that makes a man run farther.

It sounds like you started seeing this man pretty soon after you left your husband - like he was a bandaid for your already fragile heart. Maybe you didn't give yourself time to heal before you headed into another relationship.

Get yourself together. Talk to someone. Ask your boyfriend to talk to you. He should be able to tell you what his reasons are. Just don't do any begging or pleading. Just listen. Maybe he has some valuable points.

As others have said. You can't make him love you. And you don't want him to stick around if he doesn't want to be there.

I've had my heart broken once before. And I thought it would never heal. But it did. And yours will.

You need to step back and take care of yourself and your kids. No one can truly love you until you love yourself.

((((HUGS)))))

[hmsram]

I have been thinking of you all day since I posted here...I hope you are feeling better ....I do not know you personally out side of deal of day but I wanna tell ya something..........

I love ya!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ok thats it!!!!

Please let us all know you are ok I have been thinking about you and just worried about you ....

[mayfly]

I know, I have been refreshing this post all day. I wish I had her number so that I could call her. I finally grabbed my husband and we just prayed for you Julie. ((((((((((big hugs babe))))))))))))). You are cared about, and I know it might not feel like enough now, but we are here for you. Do not listen to the lies that tells you that no one wants you, or that you are not important. Please accept that your DoD family wants you and has hugs and support for you.