Need Advice, what would you do?

[Brenda2000]

OK, I'll try to make this as short as I can.
I had to work with another woman for two years, as involvement in Girl Scouts. Throughout this time, she became very clingy, wanting to be best buddies. She would call 2-4 times a day, and if I wasn't home she would leave messages. She often suggested vacationing together, etc.
I did not want the same type of relationship as she did, as I had a sense something wasn't "quite right" with her. Also, our daughters who are in the same grade had a love-hate relationship with each other. (One minute friends, the next minute hating each other.)Last year, she made a comment I didn't agree with, to my daughter. I let her know, I didn't agree with what she said, or some of the things she has done/said in the past. She became very defensive and hauty. I told her she would have to find someone else to help her with scouts, as I wasn't going to anymore.
She wrote me a very long, disturbing letter...DH said it sounded like we had an affair or something! She made not-so-nice comments about my daughter. It became apparent that I was correct in my assumption that something "wasn't right" with her, and that she has serious issues.
It was a big relief for me, not having to deal with her in my life anymore.
Here's the problem:
Every since then, she seems to blame my daughter for all of the above. When she sees her or my other, younger daughter, she is purposefully rude, mean, or completely ignores them. Just yesterday, my oldest daughter saw her at school, smiled at her, and the woman replied with a nasty sneer and noise. She then made it a point to say hello to the girl setting next to my daughter. (Making it clear she was purposely ignoring my daughter).
She responds this way to anyone in my family or anyone associated with me.
When HER children see me at school, they always say hello, and often come up and give me a hug. I respond, hugging back, or saying hello.

It is hurtful for my children to have someone treat them like this. I told them that she apparently has mental problems, and they haven't done anything wrong.
I don't believe you should treat children that way. I should also mention that she is no longer a Girl Scout leader, which IMOP I think is a really good thing, because I don't think she should be involved with children.
I am wondering if perhaps I should write her a note, basically saying that if she has a problem with me, fine, but please don't be mean to my children. I thought about telephoning her, but she has caller ID and wouldn't answer, or would hang up.
Would you write her? Or just let it go? It's been a year.
Thanks!

UPDATE 5-19
Interesting little update here...my daughter and this woman's daughter have both made the cheerleading squad. The cheerleading coach informed me that this woman called her and told her she doesn't want HER daughter to stand by MY daughter. The coach told the woman that if she has a problem to get over it, she WILL NOT TOLERATE IT.
The same day, when this woman picked up her daughter she said to mine. "What are you looking at scumbag?"
The coach was not aware of this, but told me to tell my daughter to stay close to her, and she would watch for this behaviour..and if she sees any, she will take her daughter off of the squad, and have the school principal bring the woman in to talk to her.
How sad that this woman does not realize how she is effecting her children's lives. It's so unnecessary.
My DH is at the point now, that if there is another incident, he is going to contact the local sheriff.

[chippers21]

My advice: Reassure your children as needed. Say nothing at all to the woman. She is obviously not going to change no matter what you say or do.

[mayfly]

I have to agree with Chippers on this one. Sorry about this situation. ((((((big hug to your little chicklets))))) I think you are handling it the right way.

[freesurfer]

Cut your losses and be happy, but inform the children that she may act this way for a while until she grows up.

[Mouse7088]

Agree w/ all of the above.
It would be different if you actually missed her "friendship" and just had a difference of opinion. Sad that she's treating your kiddos that way.

[worshipfulheart]

I definitely agree with all of the above. i have had two very similar situations and the best thing to do is to encourage and reassure your children. Do not bash her to them, especially if they still have to deal with her on a regular basis. In one situation, after speaking to my 10 yo daughter, my daughter would make a point to say something nice to this womanevery time she saw her no matter how rude she was treated, then we would pray for her when she got home. In a short while the woman came to me and apologized for her behavior and told me how sweet my daughter was and pretty much left us alone except for hi and bye when we saw her.
It does not always work out this way but somehow this woman is trying to force a relationship whether positive or negative and writing her back, (I did this the first time this happened, BIG MISTAKE), just feeds into it. No matter how gently, respectfully, and carefully I chose my words she always saw them as an attack and the situation would get worse from there.


God BLess!!
Angie B<><

[3tbear]

I'd let it go, she obviously is acting very immature for her age, childish, it's not worth wasting the paper to write to her. Let her act like a child, she does sound like she has some major problems. It's time for her to grow up. As for your kids, you've told them the right thing.

[lookn4deals]

Im with the gang to pay her any attention thats probably what shes looking for anyhow. Just tell the kids to ignore her and not to even bother saying hello.
good luck

[Brenda2000]

Thanks everyone. I'm not going to write her. It is so inmature it is seriously irritating.
This actually seems minor now.....I had a major upset this afternoon....had to put my old dog down. Think I'll put another post about that...I'm just so weepy.

[Brenda2000]

JUST BUMPING for update:

UPDATE 5-19
Interesting little update here...my daughter and this woman's daughter have both made the cheerleading squad. The cheerleading coach informed me that this woman called her and told her she doesn't want HER daughter to stand by MY daughter. The coach told the woman that if she has a problem to get over it, she WILL NOT TOLERATE IT.
The same day, when this woman picked up her daughter she said to mine. "What are you looking at scumbag?"
The coach was not aware of this, but told me to tell my daughter to stay close to her, and she would watch for this behaviour..and if she sees any, she will take her daughter off of the squad, and have the school principal bring the woman in to talk to her.
How sad that this woman does not realize how she is effecting her children's lives. It's so unnecessary.
My DH is at the point now, that if there is another incident, he is going to contact the local sheriff.

[freesurfer]

Does she still work with girls for girl scouts?

[Brenda2000]

Originally Posted by freesurfer

Does she still work with girls for girl scouts?

NO, thank goodness.

[mayfly]

oh my word, I can not believe that horrible woman! What is wrong with her???? I have never heard of anyone acting that way.

(((((((((Brendas daughter)))))))))))))
oh my heart goes out to the two of you. I just am in shock, thats so sick. Why would some woman do that to a child? I just can't believe it.

[Brenda2000]

Yesterday, this woman made another nasty remark to my DD when they were in the locker room changing for practice.
I spoke with the coach today, and she was unaware the woman even went into the locker room. She told me she spoke with the principal, and he said if there were any more incidents that he would bring the woman and her daughter into his office.
She also told the woman she was not allowed to come to the practices. (She told her no parents were allowed, which isn't true...just told her that so she wouldn't come).
But, she shows up anyway. The coach told her she wasn't supposed to be there, and she said she was only there to make sure my DD didn't say anything to her DD.
Coach also told me that the woman told her that my DD told some lies about her last year and almost got her put in jail. ??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? (I have no idea what that is about.)
She also told coach she had "better watch out", because my DD might do the same to her.
The coach was like, "HUH?"
I gave coach the disturbing letter the woman wrote me so she could see exactly what she is dealing with. Coach also is a teacher in the school, said she would watch out for my DD as much as possible, and that she could shadow coach's older daughter.
Coach also said I might have to get a restraining order against the woman.
I am so glad school is almost over!!!

[Brenda2000]

Originally Posted by mayfly

oh my word, I can not believe that horrible woman! What is wrong with her???? I have never heard of anyone acting that way.

(((((((((Brendas daughter)))))))))))))
oh my heart goes out to the two of you. I just am in shock, thats so sick. Why would some woman do that to a child? I just can't believe it.

I'm starting to think she is mentally ill. I really don't think she is capable of harming DD....but if the harassment continues, we will file for a restraining order.