Ways to keep your marriage happy

[Pipanella]

What a great explanation, Mayor.

[kat]

Originally Posted by mayor

The man should never RULE over the woman. But God created man as the leader of the household for a reason. There MUST be some sort of hierarchy, else no one has the final say in a situation.

However, this only works in light of Biblical principles. While it is true that a woman is called to submit to her husband (as long as whatever he asks does not cause her to sin), an overlooked portion of Scripture is that the man is to SERVE his wife and Submit to her as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for her. The husband is to love his wife with the same kind of sacrificial love that Christ demonstrated while on earth. This means that he is seeking to meet her needs as a servant/leader.

Too many men have abused the submission verses and left out key portions.

When a man is loving his wife in this fashion, the woman feels safe, respected, honored and treasured. It is then natural for her to want to follow his leadership. This is how God intended for it to be.

While it may seem empowering for the man, it is actually liberating for the woman. The man becomes accountable to God for his wife and his family. The buck stops here. This is a great deal of responsibility and not an easy one to live up to. It definitely takes the power of God working in a man's heart and life to make it work.

A man should never "Lord it over" his wife.

I hope that makes it clear.

Mayor

Well, without getting my nose too far out of joint, let me just say that there is no reason that I can possibly think of for the MAN to be the leader of the house! At least NOT in my house! Here we have a JOINT responsibility to one another, to our marriage and to our family. I do not follow my husband, nor does he follow me - and neither of us is accountable to whomever is in charge above (if indeed there is someone there - God or Goddess, however you believe).

But... if believing such works for you, then more power to you. However, it does not work for me or for many others. And yes, you can have a very happy and long marriage without it. My parents and in laws were both great examples - they were happily married for well over 50 years each and out of the four, only my mother believes in God.

I still believe that communication is the ONLY reason for a long lasting marriage that can withstand the test of time.

[Rockabillie]

Originally Posted by mayor

a woman is called to submit to her husband

oh dear, I don't know if that's sad or funny.

[freesurfer]

Now I have lots to say: LOL!!

One exercise that I remember reading about was to give each partner two sheets of paper - on one they wrote down all the things they hated/disliked about the other and on the other, all the things they loved/liked.

Only 2 sheets??

I think some dogs like to be led but otherwise , er, no woman I know. Heck, what am I saying? Dogs don't like it either and you all know it!

Have you seen Good Boy?? LMBO!!!

we are so close that we both know how to most hurt the other in an argument, of course that isn't fair

Yeah, that really stinks!!! And it happens right now alot and we do need to realize this fact!

But God created man as the leader of the household for a reason.

Awww...I'll let ya slide on this one....

J/K!!!


And in light of whom ever be'ith in charge....didn't a man being the "head of house" so to say work in the past?

<<<<Runs for cover>>>>>

[3tbear]

My DH treats me like a queen, he does all the cooking, he even does laundry sometimes without me even asking, does the dishes, does the renovations in our house, takes me out to dinner every now and then, plus the regular teasing, so I know he loves me. When I'm sick, he makes special trips to the store to buy me my medicine or special foods that I can eat. I told him the other day, you don't have to agree with me on everything, you just have to support me. A good relationship is an open relationship.

[pandybat]

God may have created man as the leader of the household for a reason but some men just aren't cut out for the job or abuse that priviledge. My first husband is a wonderful example of not being able to handle the job. Geesh...am I glad that's over! LOL

[Pipanella]

Originally Posted by pandybat

God may have created man as the leader of the household for a reason but some men just aren't cut out for the job or abuse that priviledge. My first husband is a wonderful example of not being able to handle the job. Geesh...am I glad that's over! LOL

Oh, Sandy, that's so true! I'm sorry you had to go through that. I know Bubba realizes what a treasure he has in you, and you deserve that!!

[hmsram]

The other morning I heard a brief interview on a radio station with Dr. Laura about her book "The proper care and feeding of husbands" I think I will have to go buy the book and read it to see if she is right

[mayor]

Originally Posted by Rockabillie

oh dear, I don't know if that's sad or funny.

It may be both to you, but you'll have to take it up with God. It's His design and plan. :-)

Mayor

[Reneek]

Originally Posted by mayor

It may be both to you, but you'll have to take it up with God. It's His design and plan. :-)

Mayor

It scares me when folks think that they KNOW what God's plan is. I think the worst thing that any couple can do is to let others TELL you that one has to be over the other. That's insanity....but if you want to believe that more power to you. Just don't presume to tell everyone else that your way is the 'RIGHT' way. I'll take equality any day, thank you very much! lol

[Rockabillie]

Originally Posted by Reneek

I'll take equality any day, thank you very much!

Yes, me too!
Of course it is the law of the land, the very reason for this nation existing, the cornerstone of our Constitution: FREEDOM!

Anytime you start talking about one person "submitting" to another person, you are getting into some scary sadistic territory. There are sick people who literally get off on making people submit to them; they are generally considered sick and evil. People with a need to control other human beings (or animals for that matter, they do usually start on animals and work their way up to people) hurt them to keep them submissive.

Getting pleasure from hurting or controlling someone else is sick. It is called Sadism, named after the Marquis de Sade, who physically and sexually tortured people.

Of course, so is the opposite. People who don't feel right unless someone else is controlling or hurting them are called Masochists and have pathological self-hatred and think they deserve to be punished. A good example is an abused woman who stays because she thinks she deserves to be beaten for being a bad wife.

[Pipanella]

Why can't anyone understand that it's NOT about CONTROL? And the Bible does clearly state God's plan for marriage.

[Rockabillie]

Because you can't make someone SUBMIT without CONTROL. To submit is to give control to someone else. Cause and Effect, Fire and Ashes, You can't have 1 without the other. They are intrinsically tied together. It is impossible to submit to someone unless that someone is controling you.

If you ask someone to submit you are controlling. That's the facts. The absolute definition of submit is to give control to another. To want someone to submit to you is to want to control another human being. And that is sadistic.

Actually, abusers use very similar agruments: "You have to submit to me," in one breath and making excuses in the next: "I'm not trying to control you." Well, you can't have it both ways. Submission is giving control to another and it is the sign of sickness and a need for help.

I know there are these S&M couples where each gets off on the other side of the control coin, one gets off on controlling people and the other gets off on submitting to another person. Sounds sick to me, but they do exist; I just don't think a religion should be based on that dynamic. It's very dehumanizing.

[mayfly]

very interesting rockbillie. Its almost as if you are not reading any of the posts.

[Pipanella]

And it's stuff like this that made Jesus' teachings very radical. Many who heard Him then misunderstood, too.