I'd like to give a friend advice on where to find the girl of his dreams, need advice

[3tbear]

This guy became fast friends with me at school, he actually has a thing for me, but...I'm married, so he knows it's hands off, but...he is willing to get hooked up with a friend of mine, who...is afraid to write him, figures he might not like her, 'cause he has so much to offer and she doesn't. If that doesn't work out between the two of them, where can I tell him to look for a girlfriend? He works full time, I doubt he is interested in anyone where he works or he'd be seeing someone by now, and he goes to school 2 nights a week, so the only time he has is pretty much on the weekends. He is not a gambling type, nor do I think he drinks, so I'd say bars are out. Any suggestions guys?

[tlspiegel -Closed]

Is this the same guy you are trying to fix up with a girl who is afraid to write him. Is this another person or the same one? If it's the same one, then tell him that love is like a butterfly. It will land on his shoulder when he least expects it. That's how it usually happens. Tell him to be happy in his own life and frequent book stores, grocery stores, hardware stores, the library, etc. Tell him to talk to people and be friendly. One never knows what or who lurks out there.

He could also join an internet dating service. Put up a profile and let things happen that way. Many are still free and if not free have a certain period of time to test out the service.

The best thing for this neat guy to do is not push and worry about it... life happens when you least expect it.

[3tbear]

Yes, it's the same guy, he so sweet too, he deserves a special lady, but at the same time, he is a quiet type, and you know how guys are afraid of rejection. Your advice is good, I like what you said about the butterfly, you're right. Grocery stores, hmmm, hadn't thought of that. Guys used to approach me in grocery stores, so I think you're onto something. I'll mention that to him next time I see him. I guess he feels anxious 'cause he is in his early 30's, you know, your time clock is ticking. I realize he's not that old, but he probably feels otherwise, like he'll never meet that special someone. He is divorced. I think the girl who let him go was a fool, honestly. Nice guys don't come around too often.

[Rockabillie]

Oh yeah, one of our upscale grocery stores has a rep as a place singles meet over the gourmet-to-go section. Sure makes the single girls dress up better when they go to the grocery store. Sometimes guys strike up conversations with women by asking how to cook something or how to tell if fruit is ripe.

I wonder why you say he has everything to offer and she doesn't? If she feels that way 1st thing she needs to do is gain self-esteem.

I always say: Do what you like and you'll make sure to meet someone who has the same likes as you! Some people get suckered into going places know as good meeting spots and then end up meeting people with different values. If you go to bars you're going to meet a lot of drinkers. If you like bowling, the perfect place to meet your perfect bowling partner is the bowling alley.

Maybe he needs to figure some of this out on his own. Moral support is good, but there comes a point when a back seat driver creates more stress. Constantly asking how he did, did he meet anyone last night, etc., will put pressure on him. I wonder why you need to be SO involved in his love life? Just a rhetorical question. Sometimes a step back can help.

And I remember when I benefited from this advice myself: Don't be too needy. Singles afraid of being alone can emit a hungry aura that just scares everyone away. He sounds a little anxious. Maybe he (and you) need to relax a little and stop trying so hard.

As someone already said: Love usually hits you when you're least expecting it. It's because you're relaxed and at your best when you aren't trying so hard.

[Rockabillie]

I just remembered a GREAT place to meet singles:
the local Jaycees organization.
Members work on public servie projects and meet other young professionals in the area. If I was single now, I'd join in a heartbeat to meet the most eligible bachelors in the area.
They do service projects BUT also have LOTS of social functions, singles nights, etc. And you know they're at least hardworking, dedicated people, known in their community.
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[mayor]

Church groups are a good place to find women of good character. I know there are many singles groups that encourage spiritual growth and relationships. It's a two for one deal!

Mayor

[bestmidwest]

Originally Posted by mayor

Church groups are a good place to find women of good character. I know there are many singles groups that encourage spiritual growth and relationships. It's a two for one deal!

Mayor

Originally Posted by Rockabillie

I just remembered a GREAT place to meet singles:
the local Jaycees organization.
Members work on public servie projects and meet other young professionals in the area. If I was single now, I'd join in a heartbeat to meet the most eligible bachelors in the area.
They do service projects BUT also have LOTS of social functions, singles nights, etc. And you know they're at least hardworking, dedicated people, known in their community.
[Only registered and activated users can see links. Either login above or Register Now]

Those are both great ideas. It's too bad he's shy because I know community theater is a great way to meet somebody. I have heard of lots of people finding each other online too.

That's too bad that your friend is afraid to write to him. How will she know unless she tries? That's like quitting before you even start. Sad.

[3tbear]

I know Kristin, I mean, does she think great guys grow on trees?

As far as me getting so involved in his love life, that's what he wants, and I am a good friend of his, so that's what friends do for one another, help each other out. I really don't mind. I just want him to be happy.

My GF feels she doesn't have alot to offer 'cause she has never gone to college, he is presently in college, he has a good job, she doesn't have a good job, her life consists of babysitting, that's it. She is such a sweet caring individual too. I wish she didn't feel the way she did, but you really can't change the way a person feels.

I'll mention the church thing to him, that sounds like a great idea, a good way for him to meet a decent woman. Thanx guys for all your input, I appreciate it.

UPDATE:

My GF just phoned me, said she wants to phone my male friend to get to know him. Finally, she has come to her senses. I'll see where it goes from there.

[Rockabillie]

She sounds great: caring and compassion is a great quality. Compassion is Much more important in a relationship than a piece of paper. I hope she comes to see that and know what value she has.

[3tbear]

Originally Posted by Rockabillie

She sounds great: caring and compassion is a great quality. Compassion is Much more important in a relationship than a piece of paper. I hope she comes to see that and know what value she has.

I did ask her what she thought of his photo, and she said "He's OK", that was it. If you saw this guy you wouldn't say "He's Ok", he is really good looking. If I were single, yum, I'd be grabbing him for my boyfriend. At least I can be friends with him, I'll have to settle for that.