Discussion: Influences

[pandybat]

Has your life changed dramatically as the result of some seemingly random external influence? If so, in what ways?

[freesurfer]

Do ex-spouses who are a pain in the a@@ count??

[worshipfulheart]

yes, it is a long story to explain but my life has changed dramatically. To others it would seem o be random external influences but I can see the obvious order and things that happened that would not make sense to others to do or to happen, (it did not all make sense to me but by faith in God I followed). I know God was at work and my life has been dramatically changed and blessed by these seemingly random, but not so, external influences.
Even a year ago, I never thought I would move halfway across the country and be happy and comfortable living where the weather is colder! But here I am and loving it along with all the other seemingly random things that have come with it.

God is good!!!

God Bless!!
Angie B<><

[whitequeen96]

Yes, just over 3 years ago, I was told that my then-4 yr. old son has autism. Boy, that certainly caused some PROFOUND changes in my life! First of all, and most dramatically, I saw all my dreams for him come crashing down. The psychologist told me he was mentally retarded and, because he was violent, he would have to be locked up in a hospital by the time he was 12 yrs. old. I sat there in absolute shock and horror, looking at my beloved only child, the one who I had waited until I was 42 yrs. old to have. The psychologist told me that I should go ahead and cry, that "It IS a tragedy!" She said there is no cure, and that I would just have to accept this. She also told me that some parents would prefer to have a child with almost any other ailment than autism, including blind, deaf, profoundly mentally retarded, etc. That was the most terrible moment of my life, and I am really surprised that I survived it.

I spent 3 days on the couch, crying and shaking. My Mom came over to help me deal with it. My husband was overseas, and I knew I couldn't tell him yet. Finally, after watching my son, I realized that the "expert" was VERY, VERY WRONG! It was WAY TOO EARLY to give up, and I realized that *I* am the expert on my child, no one else! And *I* saw him as bright and loving, with lots of potential.

This is where my life started all over again and I was, in effect, reborn. I became a "Mom on a Mission!" I gave up all idea of going back to work or re-starting my small import company. I devoted 30 hours a week to educating myself about autism and all the available programs out there to help my son. I got in touch with other parents of autistic children. I used all my resources, my intelligence, my age (and hard-acquired life experience), my time, and the support of my wonderful mother and friends, everything I had (!) to find out what I could do with my son.

I read somewhere that the definition of happiness is having enough to get by, having someone to love, and having work that you feel is really worthwhile and that you enjoy. Well, that is my life now. I am devoted to making my son the best damn little autistic kid there ever was! And, thanks to all the help available out there (and the fact that he is only mildly autistic), he is doing PHENOMENONLY WELL! He is in a special program for autistic kids and is functioning at grade level (about B level), is no longer violent, has absolutely beautiful manners, and has almost reached the goal of parents like me; becoming "indistinguishable from his peers." His maturity is a bit delayed; he likes to play with 5 yr. olds rather than his own age group of 7 yr. olds, he has minor trouble with frustration, and he does NOT like to meet new adults! I also have to watch him very carefully to make sure he is not getting over-stimulated, so I've become a bit hyper-vigilant. (But if you had a kid with a heart condition, wouldn't you be watching to make sure his lips weren't turning blue or he was gasping for breath?) But I have every hope that he will have a "normal," happy, and fulfilling life someday.

This experience changed me in so many ways. Ever since he was about 2 yrs. old, I had been concerned about things I saw in my son, only to be dismissed by doctors as an "overly-concerned older mother." Then another "expert" told me he was, essentially, hopeless. I now believe that "mother instinct" is MAGIC, and should be listened to, above everything else. I am also incredibly grateful that I live where I do (wonderful programs for kids like mine), in the time that I do (when treatments are now starting to be available), that I have the opportunity to stay home with my son, that I have such a great Mom and friends, and that I am as old as I am.

So thanks for reading this long, loooooong story about how a "bolt from the blue" changed my life.

[mayfly]

I love this story!!!!! Whitequeen, what an encouragement you must be to your friends, and people you come into contact with who are going through similiar struggles. I appreciate all the times you have shared your life with us, and I am so thankful that you and your son are where you are now.

[worshipfulheart]

What an inspiration and a blessing oyu are Whitequeen! My mom worked as a teacher's aid in the school system and she saw so many handicapped kids whose parents couldn't handle it, just gave up, or became discouraged and disheartened at what the doctors told them. What a blessing you are to your child. Thank you for sharing your story!

God BLess!
Angie B<><

[whitequeen96]

Wow! Thanks, you guys! I know I have shared parts of this story before, so I apologize to anyone who is getting sick of it, but it really is the most important story of my life (and maybe my son's life, too)!

Worshipfulheart, it just kills me what you said about peple becoming disheartened by what the doctors told them. Most doctors are not up-to-date on the latest developments in autism, and they think they are "being cruel to be kind" by discouraging parents' hopes.