FLINT Rents

[FLINT]

FLINT has been a homeowner for untold eons of time. In fact, FLINT owns two homes. To those apparatchik colleagues who would question the excess and extravagance in arranging one’s necessary domicile under the sun, FLINT would only retort “Why would one limit their aggravation, expense, and generally unmanageable lifestyle to only one sector of the planet when one can easily spread everything they possess willy-nilly across many miles in such a clever way that no matter what location one is at, the item currently most desperately needed is always in the other location”. FLINT thinks he loses things only to purchase them again, and then later re-discovers the aforementioned lost item at his other domicile whereupon he usually proceeds to lose both items collectively. As a general example of this frustrating dilemma, FLINT most certainly has in his possession the greatest collection of umbrellas this side of Harrods in London, but still often finds himself using the Wall Street Journal in a downpour for lack of even one of those lovely little utility devices “at hand” when needed.

If you are already agog at what has already been told, you will be flabbergasted when it is revealed to you that neither of the aforementioned homes is within a thousand miles of the cities where FLINT often works. It is true my kind reader; FLINT often lives in hotels. FLINT often makes the situation of displacement of his possessions on the whole even further egregious by moving back and forth between several hotel suites and forgetting he has booked the same hotel in two cities for the same week.

But never fear; FLINT will save himself!

FLINT has decided that the sensible thing to do is start over. While FLINT was shivering and mumbling expletives to himself while waiting for his limo yesterday evening, a sudden epiphany came upon him rapidly like diarrhea after a protracted Mexican dinner.

FLINT will RENT!

FLINT has decided to just rent a place in the city he most often works in and buy all new stuff! FLINT realizes this may seem strange but if he tried in any way to collect or move/sell his previous residences he would have to make a terrible effort to remember where they were and employ attorneys, moving agents, and various other parasites in a venture FLINT would be sure to make a complete pudding of, so FLINT will just pretend those places do not exist and hope nobody will notice.

So my dear esteemed colleagues, what should FLINT expect of a landlord and how should he proceed?

FLINT has heard stories about the perils of renting and would ask the reader of his epistle the following:

Should FLINT worry about un-invited guests? FLINT does not mind insects so much, with the exception that they have a proclivity to eat one’s food. FLINT DOES NOT like sharing his food with any creature, multi-legged or otherwise.

Do landlords usually notice if one (as FLINT often does) fails to pay the rent at all. FLINT rarely remembers to pay anyone after he has possession of the desired article. FLINT often asks the power company questions like “Why are you sending FLINT a bill? FLINT paid that just last year!” (FLINT is writing this by candlestick).

FLINT would appreciate advice on these matters, as he is too lazy to research them himself.

FLINT would be a serial killer if it were not for his absolute disdain of any form of manual labor.

FLINT will inform his esteemed colleagues of his ventures into tenancy if they so desire and seek their advice further.

God Bless

[Pipanella]

I've only rented for short periods of time, and it was quite a long time ago, so I'm afraid I will be of no help, but I do so desire to be kept informed of FLINT's new adventure in living.

[Debbie42]

I don't rent but I am pretty sure they notice if you don't pay the rent.

[3tbear]

Don't rent a place in the back of the building, rentals in the front are much safer. I used to have an apartment when I was single, in the back of the apartment building. There was a peeping tom whom I mistakenly let into the building one night thinking he lived there. I saw him outside later looking in windows. I was glad then to be on the 2nd floor. If you can get an apartment building with an elevator, it'll make moving much easier. Good luck in your move.

[freesurfer]

Renting sucks FLINT!!

[sblme28]

Good luck FLINT!

[Jaxxie]

Well Flint, I would suggest renting a furnished apartment, (we have places here I believe are called Homestead that rent furnished), automatic withdrawl for your utilities and offer to pay your rent in 6 month chunks, some landlords will give you a discount if you do that, try to get your water and sewer included in your rent one less bill to have to pay. And have the place bombed for unwanted 4 legged or more friends before you move in, and don't forget to get renters insurance to protect your most valuble misplaced belongings.

[ihvfaith]

check out the area before you rent.
Notice the what is happening.
If lots of sirens, loud yelling and gun shots.
It might not be the best place to live.
Then do as Jaxxie said.

[Rockabillie]

I can't talk to people who refer to themselves in the 3rd person--it's too freaky.

[Jaxxie]

Originally Posted by Rockabillie

I can't talk to people who refer to themselves in the 3rd person--it's too freaky.

I find Flint to be fun! 3rd person or not.