Growing Up Lesson 101

[freesurfer]

Question for the day:

My 11 year old does not care what she does with her clean laundry I fold. She will either just leave it lay around or just throw it back in the dirty pile. I've taken clothes from her and hung onto them for a week, I've not washed her clothes for a week, I've made her fold the laundry but nothing works!! THis is a bad habit and very annoying!!

Ideas??

[Mouse7088]

Question...does she care about having clean clothes? I mean, would she or wouldn't she grab clothes from the dirty pile (even if NOT soiled, but all wrinkled and such) and wear them?
If she DOES care what shape her clothes are in when she wears them....stop doing her laundry all together. She's old enuf to know how to run a washing machine. I know my Mom got ticked about us not having our clothes in the hamper and such...she made us start washing our own...if we didn't have that favorite shirt we just HAD to have, it was our own fault.

[Mouse7088]

Ohhhh one more thing...if you do decide to try this....make sure you give an "allotment" of laundry detergent and such....ya never know, she might just try to really deplete the family's stock just so you get irritated about the "amount" she uses and announce you'll be taking over her laundry again. Just a thought of course.

[bestmidwest]

What a great idea Mouse...that's why I love coming to DOD! My kids aren't to that point yet, freesurfer, but I can understand because they treat their toys terribly.

[cata5]

I just spent 10 minutes typing and venting about my own laundry/kid issues and then thought sheesh, who wants to hear my issues? So...I am here to say we all have those problems and we feel for you! lol

What almost always works for me. .."When you have everything put away in your drawers you may watch TV" (or call a friend or whatever she might want to do). Just make sure she does it to your satisfaction with a little leeway for being 11 of course.

[freesurfer]

Cata, I'd love to hear what your situations are!!

Mouse...she has grabbed clothes from the dirty pile before!! So it's kind of an issue of many....the laziness, the uncleanliness, lack of care or respect....

I'd be scared to have her do her own clothes but you know what...maybe 11 isn't too young to start!

[YorkieLover]

I guess I'm lucky because as soon as my kids were able to basically speak, they've been thanking me for doing their laundry and cooking and cleaning. They still do, as does DH, every single time I give them their folded, clean clothes or fix a meal. I guess that's why I don't mind doing the laundry (although cooking is still not my favorite thing to do), because I feel appreciated for doing it. But ... if I were getting the disrespect that you are, I think I would stop doing their laundry. Period. I'd explain why I wouldn't be doing it anymore, show how laundry is sorted and washed/dried/folded properly. Then stick to my guns. If she really changes her attitude, and can show appreciation for all your work before, and for her clothes, then I'd start doing her laundry again ... but only as long as the attitude was right.

You are not her servant. You've done things for her all these years because you love her, and she needs to understand that. But I don't think 11 is too young to pull her fair share of the work. I hope these aggravations get better for you soon!

[cata5]

Not to get into it too much, but to satisfy your curiosity I will tell you that my oldest has been the worst and maybe because there has been a power struggle there. I stopped doing her laundry because she wasn't cooperative about picking clothes up off the floor, taking the dirty clothes to the laundry room, picking up the clean clothes from the laundry room, and putting the clean clothes away. I would find on occasion folded clean clothes in her hamper when she finally picked the clothes up off the floor as well as an occasional "new with tags" garment. THAT would irk me big time. We are talking teenager here.

I think it was such an issue with me that she used it to bug me. It still bugs me, but I have almost let it go. I am ignoring it anyway and I just keep her door closed. I used to nag her (remind her) to death and that didn't work AT ALL so what's the use? Sometimes she would tell me that she wanted to go somewhere and I would say she could go when her room was cleaned up(of dirty clothes). She would race up there and clean clean clean. lol

Just to let you know that we are not all pigs in this family the others have slight issues...mostly temporary...and when confronted the other kids will clean up and take care of their things. It might be a personality thing.

Another thing that would bug me: I have a basket for each kid's clean clothes in the laundry room. I remind them to take it to their room and empty it. Oldest...geez, she's a piece of work ...would go down to see what was clean or to get a particular item and then she would go all the way back up to her room (2 flights of stairs)with the ONE item instead of bringing ALL her stuff. and this happened almost daily because she never brought the basket up!! I told her I was going to put her dresser in the laundry room as long as she was going to go there every day anyway.

Are you feeling better now? LOL

[YorkieLover]

Originally Posted by cata5

Oldest...geez, she's a piece of work ...would go down to see what was clean or to get a particular item and then she would go all the way back up to her room (2 flights of stairs)with the ONE item instead of bringing ALL her stuff. and this happened almost daily because she never brought the basket up!!

Talk about stubborn!!! It's so ridiculous it's funny!

(I mean ... I can't believe she would just take one item up the two flights of steps, when she could take all of it up at once.)

[freesurfer]

Wow!! Yep that does satisfy it some...can't wait for the teenage years!!LOL!

[cata5]

Originally Posted by YorkieLover

Talk about stubborn!!! It's so ridiculous it's funny!

Oh yeah, It's a hoot all right. VERY frustrating when you are experiencing it firsthand. My daughter is a wonderful girl and usually VERY mature for her age except for a couple of areas such as laundry and spending money! lol Out of 5 kids she tests me the most. I always say that the problems the other 4 cause COMBINED aren't nearly what she causes. LOL I'm going to miss her when she moves out. LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL

[snooze14]

I can't help but laugh at all the comments. I know it really isn't funny but I am glad that I am not the only one in this situation.

I have the same issues with all my kids. I don't go near their rooms anymore because I will see that their clean clothes are thrown all over the floor with their dirty clothes. The clothes that I spent ALL day cleaning and folding. It was more of an irritant to me than to them.

When they can't find their favorite clothes, they come screaming and throwing a tantrum that I stole their clothes. HA! LOL

I have decided that I need to pick my battles. If they want to wear dirty clothes...so be it. They are teenagers and eventually will care...I hope.

My problem is that I am a little obsessive compulsive about keeping my house clean and I couldn't stand that all my hard work was for nothing. I am working on not being so uptight.

Good luck! I totally know what you all are going through.

[freesurfer]

For those of you who just close the door or look the other way....don't you feel that this is a reflection of your parenting skills? In the future will your daughter be able to handle her own home? If you had friends over or she had friends over wouldn't you be embarrassed for the dirty rooms and the lack of care? Just wondering.

[snooze14]

Originally Posted by freesurfer

For those of you who just close the door or look the other way....don't you feel that this is a reflection of your parenting skills? In the future will your daughter be able to handle her own home? If you had friends over or she had friends over wouldn't you be embarrassed for the dirty rooms and the lack of care? Just wondering.

Yes, I do worry that it is a reflection of my parenting skills. I also get really embarrassed. My hope is that my kids get embarrassed and become somewhat accountable for themselves. I still ask them to put their clothes in the hamper and clean up their rooms but I try not to go in their rooms because I get REALLY mad.

I don't want to be a nag. I pick my battles. I think when they are teenagers, there is so much more to worry about then their clothes. I want them to listen to me when it is MOST important.

I was a complete slob when I was a teenager and now I am disgustingly picky about cleanliness.

I know that I can still be a good parent even if my kids have a dirty room.

I can't be a good parent when I am in a rage....

I hope that helps.

[cata5]

Originally Posted by snooze14

Yes, I do worry that it is a reflection of my parenting skills. I also get really embarrassed. My hope is that my kids get embarrassed and become somewhat accountable for themselves. I still ask them to put their clothes in the hamper and clean up their rooms but I try not to go in their rooms because I get REALLY mad.

I don't want to be a nag. I pick my battles. I think when they are teenagers, there is so much more to worry about then their clothes. I want them to listen to me when it is MOST important.

I was a complete slob when I was a teenager and now I am disgustingly picky about cleanliness.

I know that I can still be a good parent even if my kids have a dirty room.

I can't be a good parent when I am in a rage....

I hope that helps.

I have to say "DITTO!"

I don't like it at all, but I can't stress over it and make it affect the rest of what is going on with my family. I am well aware of the problem and still request that she cleans her room, but now I leave it up to her to carry out that request. I could ground her and impose other restrictions, I guess...Just not sure that would make much difference at this point. Maybe at 11 you could still make changes. Like I said though, some of this is a personality thing. The other kids aren't perfect, but if I say bring your dirty clothes to the laundry room...they do it. Now to just get them to do it without having to ask...

Yesterday Dd was looking for a book and I wanted to scream "Look on the floor in your room!" , but I said "No, hon, I haven't." which irked her. hehe