Personal Question - Ladies Only Please

[Shainie]

Okay . . . I didn't really know where else to go to talk about this, so I figured you gals are always good at giving advice on personal issues!

A little background - I just started birth control (NuvaRing) after I had Shane (8 months ago). Before then, I was never on any type of birth control.

The problem? I have NO desire for sex any more. If I never had sex again, that'd probably be just fine. Now this can't be normal for my age (2.

Can birth control do this to you? I really don't want to switch, because I really like the NuvaRing, but this really bites.

I thought maybe it was just the fact of having 2 kids, but I'm not so sure.

Any thoughts?

Rae Ann


__________________

Check out these [Only registered and activated users can see links. Either login above or Register Now], or go directly to [Only registered and activated users can see links. Either login above or Register Now]
[Only registered and activated users can see links. Either login above or Register Now] EXP: 03.31.2003
Use coupon code C142711229717 to save 15% off of your purchase of $150 or more at Art.com.

[Only registered and activated users can see links. Either login above or Register Now]

[Geckomary]

I don't know about the NuvaRing, but I know that this was the reason that I quit taking birth control pills. My OB/GYN told me "oh, it is normal to lose your sex drive. It's okay there are other more important things". I knew right then and there that I needed to quit taking the pill AND find a new OB/GYN!

I really do think you have to allow some loss of desire to being tired and post pregnancy hormones...but I would follow up with your OB/GYN to see if this is one of NuvaRings side effects. Are you brast feeding? Sometimes this can have an adverse effect on sex drive...

We have 3 biological kids...and yep, I can get real tired...but at least the desire is still there.

Hmmm, I guess I really don't know what the answer is...we used a diaphram (sp?) and now my tubes are tied So I don't even know what else is out on the market, so to speak

Good Luck!

[ftmom]

We also have 3 kids. Timmy is 9 months old, and am in middle 20's. I am not on the pill nor am I breast feeding any longer, but I have no desire. I too could care less. My Dr. says its normal so soon after having a baby. I find that it is still "not right" down there. My best friend, same age, same baby age, has the same problems.

Exercise helps. Also take garlic, vitamin e, or evening primrose oil- they help promote circulation. I was taking them before I got pregnant, it really did help.

Good luck..

[rafala]

i have 3 kids also but my youngest is 4+ years old. no birth control, hubby got snipped and my libido is very low most of the time. every few months, 5-6 sometimes, i get a huge surge and am insatiable for a couple weeks. i havent figured out the trigger but wine definately helps at times I have started running again, after a terrible winter, so i am hoping that will help. good luck and lets hope someone else comes up with some good info


__________________

Check out these [Only registered and activated users can see links. Either login above or Register Now], or go directly to [Only registered and activated users can see links. Either login above or Register Now]
[Only registered and activated users can see links. Either login above or Register Now] EXP: 11.04.2003
Save 15% off of your purchase at Wine.com with coupon code 1025RGEVM.

Check out these [Only registered and activated users can see links. Either login above or Register Now], or go directly to [Only registered and activated users can see links. Either login above or Register Now]
[Only registered and activated users can see links. Either login above or Register Now] EXP: 03.31.2003
Use coupon code C142711229717 to save 15% off of your purchase of $150 or more at Art.com.

[NaomiMarie]

I think this is a LOT more common (in women) than ya think

[Mouse7088]

Oh maaaaan, I gotta tell ya Shainie I think a lot of it IS probably the fact Shane is 8 months old. I was he** on wheels until afer I had Codey..I go through bouts where I am semi-"regular", but it is NOTHING like it once was. Kenny will "tease" some of the newly weds (guys) at work, saying it WILL change, give it time...I tend to disagree BIG time. The kids are getting older and it's not like you can slip into the bathroom even w/o ONE of them knocking on the door or what have ya. They get older and they naturally become more observant. I think part of my "problem" is the fact I just KNOW there will be some sort of interruption, so why bother unless you know w/o a doubt you can finish what you've started..LOL! I am not familiar at all w/ the NuvaRing, but if you have been feeling this way SINCE you've had Shane, I'd think it was the whole post preggie hormones.


__________________

Check out these [Only registered and activated users can see links. Either login above or Register Now], or go directly to [Only registered and activated users can see links. Either login above or Register Now]
[Only registered and activated users can see links. Either login above or Register Now] EXP: 03.31.2003
Use coupon code C142711229717 to save 15% off of your purchase of $150 or more at Art.com.

[Juliannaluv]

My oldest is 8 years old. I don't take any kind of BC. DH is "snipped". I go in spurts, but I am so tired most of the time that I'd much rather sleep when I get some free time. About once every 3 months or so, I go through a "phase" where I can't get enough of him & won't leave him alone for about 2-3 weeks, but then it's back to the same ol' same ol'. I feel kind of bad for him, but I consider myself a single mom because DH works nights so I am alone with the kids all week plus I work 40+ hours a week. I am just flat out tired.

From what I have heard, millions of women in the US suffer from lack of sex drive. I am sure there are many contributing factors & every woman is different.

You should talk to your doc about it

[billsmrs]

This is VERY common. And after having a baby doesn't help matters. I know after both of mine I wanted no part of sex. I think part of it was I didn't feel sexy. Know? I mean, I had went through a pregnancy and childbirth and my body changed so much. I just wasn't comfortable in my own body anymore is what I guess you could say. <sigh>

Even now I go through spurts and my youngest is 4 years old. Some weeks I can't get enough and then other weeks I just want him to leave me alone.

Talk to your doctor though.......I have heard there is something they can do about that now.


__________________

Check out these [Only registered and activated users can see links. Either login above or Register Now], or go directly to [Only registered and activated users can see links. Either login above or Register Now]
[Only registered and activated users can see links. Either login above or Register Now] EXP: 03.31.2003
Use coupon code C142711229717 to save 15% off of your purchase of $150 or more at Art.com.

[jen6889]

I lost my desire when I was on the pill too. You may want to try different birth control methods. One pill made me moody and crampy and I had NO desire whatsoever, but the other I did just fine on and had a lot more of a desire than I did on the other.

It could also be because you just had a baby, especially if you're breastfeeding. When I was breastfeeding, I did not want to be touched for anything! And the stress of having two little ones running about.... whew! That'll ruin anybody's desire for sex!

If it were me, I'd give your current method a little more time and see if your desire increases any later on, but you really should talk to your doctor about it.

[hrdlife1]

I agree, this is probably A LOT more common than you think

I was on the Depo-Provera shot for about a year after I had Skylar and omg i didn't want chris to even LOOK at me, much less touch me LOL!!

and as we all know here at DOD, i got off of it (after MASSIVE weight gain as well) and chris got SNIPPED.

i didn't have any desire whatsoever though after both of mine were born up until they were AT LEAST a year old...just didn't feel like it at all...and skylar was a difficult baby so after a day (and half the night) with her i was just EXHAUSTED!

I can't say that I could go the rest of my life without it now, but about 2/3 years ago i would have definitely agreed with you!!

Once my hormones weren't bouncing all over the place and I started to feel better about myself (after i lost some weight and started eating right and getting enough sleep FINALLY) it started to come back little by little...

this is probably much too racy to post on the boards but if you want to pm me that's cool, i hate to look like some kind of weirdo hanging from the chandeliers kinda chick but honestly...we went to one of "those" stores and it opened up a WHOLE NEW WORLD for me and christopher...you know what i mean...'those kind of stores'...*blush* just pm me LOL!!! maybe that could help the spark a little? darn near started a FIRE for me ROFL!!

k, now that we've established that i'm a freak, ROFL, it really is COMPLETELY normal...and more common than not...and it's good that you are asking...i thought i was the only one too until i finally got up enough nerve to talk to some online friends about it too...and then i was certainly relieved to find that *i think* all women go through it...

(((((shainie)))))) darn those hormones!!


__________________

Check out these [Only registered and activated users can see links. Either login above or Register Now], or go directly to [Only registered and activated users can see links. Either login above or Register Now]
[Only registered and activated users can see links. Either login above or Register Now] EXP: 03.31.2003
Use coupon code C142711229717 to save 15% off of your purchase of $150 or more at Art.com.

Check out these [Only registered and activated users can see links. Either login above or Register Now], or go directly to [Only registered and activated users can see links. Either login above or Register Now]
[Only registered and activated users can see links. Either login above or Register Now] EXP: 03.31.2003
Save $5 off of your first purchase of $10 or more at Half.com with coupon code BIRDIE.

[mayfly]

WOOOHOOO STEPH! Is that the chandelier I see swinging behind you? LOL

Shainie, what you are feeling is completely normal for the stage that you are in babe!! Hormones affect it, but mostly its just having babies and little kids around. I will pm ya some ideas to help you get through this stage, but I PROMISE you won't always be here! Every woman has her own time table, but usually it all balances out in the end.

Although like Hrdlfe touched on, sometimes our weight can so motivate our self-esteem, that we do NOT feel good emotionally if we are not where we want to be on the scale, so we don't feel able to be free in this area. And for any woman out there that feels that way I give you a (((((((big hug)))))))). Size doesn't matter, but saying that sometimes doesn't help someone who feels like it does.

[Shainie]

Thanks so much for all your advice! Glad to see I'm not the only one who has dealt with this. Maybe I'll wait it out a bit and see if things improve. If they don't, I might drop the BC for a while and see if that was the problem. I feel bad for constantly avoiding my husband or shooting him down, but I'm just SO not interested!

We can't go the snip route yet, because I would like one more little one.

Hehe Steph, you wild woman. I'm not sure I could bring in "toys" to the relationship . . . I can't even watch a steamy movie sex scene with my husband without turning bright red! Call me weird.

Thanks again!

Rae Ann


__________________

[Only registered and activated users can see links. Either login above or Register Now]

[Darster]

A lot of it has to do with just being tired and stressed.

When you've spent all day with kids hanging on you and touching you, the last thing you want is one more person touching you!

Been there, done that, bought the tee shirt LOL

Most things are just temporary when your kids are young, just try to go with the flow.

[Lucette]

You ARE so not alone!

I also have 3 kids, aged 8, 2, and 10 months.

My husband is gone when they get up in the morning, and usually doesn't come home until they are in bed. He has two "on call" weekends, one "on" weekend, and gets only one "for sure" weekend off per month, and works on commission, so sometimes it's kind of worth it, and other times it's not.

I have all of the responsibilities, except for bringing home the paycheck. I get them up, bathed, dressed, fed, the oldest off to school, dishes, laundry, diapers, clean potty, bathroom, feed cat, clean cat litter, vaccuum, lunch, nap time for baby and sometimes toddler, clean up again, sweep food off kitchen floor, wash table and other things touched by sticky hands, snacks, get dinner ready, dishes again, clean up again, get kids ready for bed. I do the grocery shopping, pay the bills, etc, all with all 3 kids in tow. Other things such as cleaning the fridge, defrosting freezer, etc, is all left up to me.

By the time he gets home, I just need time for ME. To do what I want... surf the net, read the paper or a book, have a candle-light bubble bath all by myself, watch something other than kids' shows, etc.

What I find helps, the best foreplay he could give, is a hand around the house. (pretty hard to do, considering his work hours... but when he makes the time to do the following, it really makes a difference) Change the baby's diaper, give the kids a bath, do the dishes, vaccuum, or do some laundry or other things around the house... without complaining. Next best thing is time alone together out of the home. Preferably something where you can talk and have fun, such as going bowling, playing a couple of games of pool or something of the sort.

Also, I can understand if you wouldn't want to post that you're thinking about trying a "toy store" but do think about it. Also, take him with you when/if you go shopping. There are some pretty raunchy things, but there are milder ones also, as well as massage oils, "Emotion lotion" (comes in different scents, and warms up when you blow on it or rub with it), scented, flavored lubricants etc.


__________________

[Only registered and activated users can see links. Either login above or Register Now]

[chippers21]

Shainie I think it is pretty normal but I would still suggest that you go the extra effort once a week or so to have a special night with hubby where you do something together...something that is likely to put you more in the mood. Sex is more important to men than women, but to have a healthy, happy marriage ( I speak from 30 years of experience) sex on a regular basis is a good idea.