Anybody hear Andy Rooneys rant on 60 minutes just now?

[tasker109]

woohoo..he sure chewed the french up and spit them out....im going to look around and see if there is a transcript of it at cbs.........


ya here is the link

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[dlabrie708]

LOL...very good!

Lori

[jeskibuff]

Yeah...I watched it...it was great..especially THIS part...right on the money:

The French lost WW II to the Germans in about 20 minutes. Along with the British, we got into the war and had about 150,000 guys killed getting their country back for them. We fought all across France, and the Germans finally surrendered in a French schoolhouse.

You'd think that school building in Reims would be a great tourist attraction but it isn't. The French seem embarrassed by it. They don't want to call attention to the fact that we freed them from German occupation.


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[cujo0123]

Wow!! I did not see that. WWIII here we come.

[tlspiegel]

It is wasn't for the Americans freeing France in WWII the French would be speaking German instead of French.

[Pipanella]

I saw it, it was GREAT! It was great, because it was spoken by someone who has some real perspective on the French, which I do not have, in regard to this issue.

[hrdlife1]

NOPE, was watching court tv.

[luvs2shopalot]

Ah, DD still thinks she is going to France with the French Club next year (Sophomore year high school).

Over my dead body. Too much unrest in the world!

[sydnie]

First time I've found myself in agreement with Mr. Rooney in a loooooong time. He really annoys me most of the time (and I'm glad I read this as a transcript vs. seeing him deliver it), but this hit it on the head. I was driving back from Phoenix last night and missed 60 Mins -- thanks, OP, for the post and link.

[apeller]

I love Andy Rooney's commentaries!

[jeskibuff]

Gallic Wars - Lost. In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2000 years of French history, France is conquered by of all things, an Italian.

Hundred Years War - Mostly lost, saved at last by female schizophrenic who inadvertently creates The First Rule of French Warfare; "France's armies are victorious only when not led by a Frenchman."

Italian Wars - Lost. France becomes the first and only country to ever lose two wars when fighting Italians.

Wars of Religion - France goes 0-5-4 against the Huguenots.

Thirty Years War - France is technically not a participant, but manages toget invaded anyway. Claims a tie on the basis that eventually the other participants started ignoring her.

War of Devolution - Tied. Frenchmen take to wearing red flowerpots as chapeaux.

The Dutch War - Tied.

War of the Augsburg League/King William's War/French and Indian War - Lost, but claimed as a tie. Three ties in a row induces deluded Frogophiles the world over to label the period as the height of French military power.

War of the Spanish Succession - Lost. The War also gave the French their first taste of a Marlboro, which they have loved every since.

American Revolution - In a move that will become quite familiar to future Americans, France claims a win even though the English colonists saw far more action. This is later known as "de Gaulle Syndrome", and leads to The Second Rule of French Warfare; "France only wins when America does most of the fighting."

French Revolution - Won, primarily due the fact that the opponent was also French.

The Napoleonic Wars - Lost. Temporary victories (remember the First Rule!) due to leadership of a Corsican, who ended up being no match for a British footwear designer.

The Franco-Prussian War - Lost. Germany first plays the role of drunk Frat boy to France's ugly girl home alone on a Saturday night.

World War I - Tied and on the way to losing, France is saved by the United States. Thousands of French women find out what it's like to not only sleep with a winner, but one who doesn't call her "Fraulein." Sadly, widespread use of condoms by American forces forestalls any improvement in the French bloodline.

World War II - Lost. Conquered French liberated by the United States and Britain just as they finish learning the Horst Wessel Song.

War in Indochina - Lost. French forces plead sickness, take to bed with the Dien Bien Flu.

Algerian Rebellion - Lost. Loss marks the first defeat of a western army by a Non-Turkic Muslim force since the Crusades, and produces The First Rule of Muslim Warfare; "We can always beat the French." This rule is identical to the First Rules of the Italians, Russians, Germans, English, Dutch, Spanish, Vietnamese and Esquimaux.

War on Terrorism - France, keeping in mind its recent history, surrenders to Germans and Muslims just to be safe. Attempts to surrender to Vietnamese ambassador fail after he takes refuge in a McDonald's.


Classic Quote:
"Going to war without France is like going deer hunting without your accordion."
-- Donald Rumsfeld


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[tasker109]

that is such a hoot...i have to send it around to some folks...thanks jeff..

[FUNdamental]

Did any of you Andy Rooney fans hear his commentary last night?

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"Years ago, I was asked to write a speech for President Nixon.

I didn't do that, but I wish President Bush would ask me to write a speech for him now.

Here's what I'd write if he asked me to - which is unlikely:

'My fellow Americans - (the word "fellow" includes women in political speeches):

My fellow Americans. One of the reasons we invaded Iraq was because I suggested Saddam Hussein had something to do with the terrorist attack on the World Trade Center. No evidence that's so, I wish I hadn't said it.

I said we were going to get Saddam Hussein. To be honest, we don't know whether we got him or not. Probably not.

I said we'd get Osama bin Laden and wipe out al Qaeda. We haven't been able to do that, either. I'm as disappointed as you are.

I probably shouldn't have said Iraq had nuclear weapons. Our guys and the U.N. have looked under every bed in Iraq and can't find one.

In one speech, I told you Saddam Hussein tried to buy the makings of nuclear bombs from Africa. That was a mistake and I wish I hadn't said that. I get bad information sometimes just like you do.

On May 1, I declared major combat was over and gave you the impression the war was over. I shouldn't have declared that. Since then, 215 American soldiers have been killed in Iraq. As the person who sent them there, how terrible do you think that makes me feel?

I promised to leave no child behind when it comes to education. Then I asked for an additional $87 billion for Iraq. It has to come from somewhere. I hope the kids aren't going to have to pay for it - now in school or later when they're your age.

When I landed on the deck of the carrier, I wish they hadn't put up the sign saying MISSION ACCOMPLISHED. It isn't accomplished.

Maybe it should have been MISSION IMPOSSIBLE.

I've made some mistakes and I regret it. Let me just read you excerpts from something my father wrote five years ago in his book, “A World Transformed.”

I firmly believed we should not march into Baghdad ...To occupy Iraq would instantly shatter our coalition, turning the whole Arab world against us and make a broken tyrant, into a latter-day Arab hero …

This is my father writing this.

...assigning young soldiers to a fruitless hunt for a securely entrenched dictator and condemning them to fight in what would be an unwinnable urban guerrilla war.

We should all take our father's advice.'

That's the speech I'd write for President Bush. No charge. "


Written By Andy Rooney © MMIII, CBS Broadcasting Inc. All Rights Reserved.

[luvmetender]

OMG... FUN! What a great post! At first I thought it was jeskibuff and I was flipping out.. LOL!

[FUNdamental]

Originally Posted by luvmetender

OMG... FUN! What a great post! At first I thought it was jeskibuff and I was flipping out.. LOL!

I wanted to Juxtapose it with Mr. Rooney's anti France rant so I would not get "Oh, he is nothing but a d*mn Liberal" response.

You are welcome, I am glad you enjoyed it.