People who don't take care of their kids...

[Brenda2000]

Venting some steam here.

Some of you read the daycare post, and I talked about being a Girl Scout leader for my oldest daughter's troop. I mentioned how sometimes parents don't pick up their daughters from the weekly meeting (without letting us know), and one of leaders ends up driving the child home, often discovering that no one is there. Then we end up taking them to our home, and often feeding them dinner, ect. Babysitting until we can contact the parents.

I also mentioned how my neighbors have me watch their little girl in the mornings so I can get her to the bus stop with my kids.
I don't mind this, but on Wednesdays I drive my kids to school so they know not to drop her off on that day.
Occasionally they forget and drop her off anyway, and I end up taking her to the busstop by herself. Also, a few times no one has been there to pick her up when school is over, so she ends up at my house. Once, my kids and I stayed after school for an activity, and returned home at 5:30 to find this little girl waiting in our driveway.

Yesterday, she gets off the bus with my kids, and no one is there to pick her up again. So I drive her to her house, no one is there and it's locked up. Back to my house we go. At this point, I'm wondering what to do, because we have to leave soon to get my oldest daughter to basketball practice. The little girl gives me her Grandma's phone number...I call...no one answers.

I ask if she knows her Mom's work number. No, she doesn't know it, but she knows the doctors name that she works for. I look it up in the phone book, call and I get an answering machine.
Hmmm...ok.
Suddenly she remembers her Dad's cell phone number. I call it, but don't get her Dad but someone else. They tell me they will give him a message.
15 minutes later, the Mom calls me. The little girl was supposed to go to Grandmas instead of riding the bus home. As soon as she could get a hold of Grandma, she would pick her up.
15 minutes later....Mom calls again....Grandma's car won't start!

As soon as Grandma gets a vehicle, she'll come pick her up.
Well, so much for making it to basketball practice on time!
An hour and a half later, Grandma picks her up.
The parents always thank me profusely, and say "How scary".

It's starting to make me mad, for one thing, we live on a country gravel road, in Colorado (it gets cold here), and the bus stop is six tenths of a mile away. There are times I am not home and my kids don't ride the bus home. What is this kid supposed to do if I'm not around, and no one is there for her? Walk all the way home to a locked house, in the cold? So far, we're lucky that I've usually been here. I know her family is financially strapped and they both have to work, but isn't their daughter's welfare more important? They need a back up plan, or a least a better system.

What do you think about this? I feel as though they sometimes take advantage of me, plus that they need to take more precautions where their daughter is concerned.
I've seen a lot of this with Girl Scouts and my neighbor in the past six months, and I just don't get it.
Am I so old-fashioned or over protective of my own kids, I worry about abductions, ect.
Maybe it's just PMS today....

Forgot to mention, she's nine years old.


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[teraberry]

You're right to feel that the parents are not doing their job. They should have a closer handle on what is going on with their girl. At the same time though, this girl is kind of stuck. If it were me I'd probably think of it as an opportunity to minister to this little girl. If her parents are that irresponsible, I'd want to bring some measure of security that her parents aren't giving. Personally I'd try not to make a big deal of it (although I'd surely urge the parents to get their act together). When you do talk to them about it, please make sure it is when the girl is not stuck in the middle. It probably would feel bad for her to think that her parents aren't careful with her, and she may think you don't want her around because you don't like her or something.

I know it's not what everyone would do, but that's just me. I try to take the bad situations and think of it as a way to minister to someone's heart. I always remember that it's easy to love others when circumstances are fine, but how much more pleasing it must be to the Lord when we love others even when circumstance are poor, and we have to give some effort. I think it's a good lessen for my kids to see this in me... and I encouarge them to be the same way. If they grumble about something I'll often tell them "It's easy to grumble when things are hard, but how pleasing it is to God when you make good of it."


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[hrdlife1]

this story makes me so sad, not only because you have to live with it, but also for that poor little girl....


brenda, i have to say this, i work and i have like 50 back up plans LOL...i don't understand this woman AT ALL....i'm serious no matter what happens i have AT LEAST 6 people i could call that i KNOW for a fact have no other obligations and we have discussed them being there in an emergency because going from a full time mom to a full time working "girl" (lol) i made SURE that my kids would NEVER have to worry about something like that...so what frustrates me is that brenda...i think YOU are the back up plan....i've seen so many parents do that...take advantage of a neighbor's kindness and it ends up ruining friendships etc....this woman has gone and taken advantage of your kindness without even asking you if you minded...

and i really hope that is really what is going on...because if it's not...the only other option is that she doesn't care about her daughter

that is so sad (((((((brenda)))))))


(and yep the very same things used to drive me crazy when i stayed home, i got the typical "but you're not DOING anything" grrr, i feel for ya bren!!)

[cujo0123]

Grrrrr. Don't get me started!!




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[Brenda2000]

Originally posted by hrdlife1


(and yep the very same things used to drive me crazy when i stayed home, i got the typical "but you're not DOING anything" grrr, i feel for ya bren!!)
/SIZE]

Yup, I know what you mean there. They know I'm a SAHM, and sometimes I feel they think that way too. But, they also know that we run a business out of our home.

My only problem with them considering me as a possible back-up plan, is that I am not that reliable of one! My DD's have so many activities going on right now that I'm not always home!

For example:
Mondays after school youngest has Girl Scouts
Tuesdays after school oldest has Basketball practice
Wednesdays are free, except driving kids to school in AM
Thursdays oldest has basketball practice again
Fridays after school oldest has Girl Scouts (And I'm a leader so I have to be there.)
Saturdays we have Basketball games, one in AM, one in PM
Sunday 9:30 church, catechism for youngest from 10:30-11:30, and youngest has basketball practice at 4:00

And that is just our standard schedule right now, it changes. I had to take youngest to the orthodontist for an adjustment after school Tuesday, before practice.

teraberry, I don't mind ministering to this child, EXCEPT when it interferes with my own children and their activities. I don't feel like I should have to change our schedule because her parents can't get their act together.
And I do think the little girl feels stuck in the middle. She is always thanking me, telling me she's sorry, ect. I feel bad for her, but I would NEVER say anything to her. I just tell her it's OK, no problem, I don't mind, ect. I'm always cheerful around her, even if her parents steam me.
I'm not going to make a big deal out of it, but I just want her parents to realize that they can't always rely on me being around, plus that if I am home, I may not be able to watch their child (unexpectably) for hours, because of other plans we have. The thing is, I just never know.

And what really bothers me is that the school has been sending the kids home papers on safety with strangers, ect, because there have been three reported attempted child abductions in the past three weeks in our area.

I think they genuinely care for her, it's just that they have a lousy system.


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[cashhound]

Sounds like they don't really HAVE a system

[valleygirl]

"And what really bothers me is that the school has been sending the kids home papers on safety with strangers, ect, because there have been three reported attempted child abductions in the past three weeks in our area."


this is so scary. What type work does her parents do? Could they not have her go to thier office after school for maybe an hour or so? Or maybe even hire a teenager to watch her for a couple hours after school even if she had to go to thier home?


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[3tbear]

I don't think you're overprotective at all, you're just being a good parent what other parents should be like. A 9 year old girl is still a young child and I agree with you, I'd worry about the kid being abducted or worse even. I think the parents rely way too much on your kindness and they should make other arrangements so that their child has a place to go after school and a way to get there. It sounds like it puts you out quite a bit. You are really nice to care about their child like that, but it's simply not your child. There should be some responsibility here from her parents.


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[mayfly]

I wonder if you could call the school and let them know the problem. How this child is dropped of with no place to go, no way to get in the house, in the middle of winter.

I think its absolutely sick!
I feel if you want to speak up you should, silence could be enabling child endangerment because what if this child cant reach you, and ends up getting hurt or stolen because there is no one there. It is not your responsiblilty, and this goes beyond the "sure, if you need me I can be there."

[JVIGH]

since you may not want to get in it with the parents, go to the school. express repeated concerns.


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[Jalina2]

It does seem as if they're taking advantage of you. As for you being over protective; no, not at all! You care and are there for your children.

It's our responsibility to care for and look after our OWN children.

Being a parent who loves and cares for their child/children is a blessing!


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[freesurfer]

The poor girl!!!!!!!!!

What must she think her parents think of her??


WoW!! Sticky situation!

[WallyK]

Talk with your bus driver about making sure she is not let off alone!Creeps will notice she is alone faster than her parents will.
A friend of mine made a deal with the bus driver of a neighbors kid that before leaving the kid off alone he would find out if someone was there for her after the kid spent 4 hours outside a locked empty house waiting for someone anyone to come home.Their deal was if knowone was there of the neighbors the kid went to normally he was to call the police.Well it happened less than a month later and the police gave the parents a big enough scare that they got all sorts of back-up plans set up that it did not happen again.
By the way, they had the coroner watch her.They called the parents asking them to call back about their daughter.When they called they asked them to come down, then asked them who they left their daughter with?After finding out that they had not made plans with the neighbor to watch her they were led to the coroners office and told this time they were lucky she is okay but next time they may not be as lucky.
This happened in a town where a child around the same age had been taken and later found dead.If that explains why the police were willing to let the parents assume the worst before seeing their child.


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[kat]

We had neighbors like this too - but they were worse because their child was a little 5 year old kindergartener! We tried talking to them, but some parents just don't care. And the winters here are not something that you can lock your child outside in!

We tried calling the school but they didn't seem to care much either - once the child was let out at 11am, they were only concerned that he left school grounds safely & then it was up to the parents. And taking the child into my house on a daily basis simply wasn't an option - I was gone with my youngest a couple of days a week at the time, and the mother took offense to my offering to watch her little one the on the days I was home when kindergarten let out.

So we called the police and they came by and waited for the little guy to show up and took him to the police station to wait on his parents. The mother showed up at her normal 4:30pm and we waited to see if she'd ask us where the child was but nope - they didn't notice he was missing until the father came home at 6:30pm and they sat down to eat! My DH was so mad - I think if our kids weren't standing right there, he might have popped the guy.

I don't know exactly what the parents were charged with, if anything. But I do know that social services came out & interviewed all the neighbors and the parents had to take parenting classes (which only lasted two weeks before they moved out of our county, so who knows what they did to that poor kid).

People like this make me soooo mad! I had an incredibly hard time having my children - I can't imagine just leaving them alone with no one to take care of them.


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[LocaChica]

Originally posted by kat


The mother showed up at her normal 4:30pm and we waited to see if she'd ask us where the child was but nope - they didn't notice he was missing until the father came home at 6:30pm and they sat down to eat!

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