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| View Poll Results: For those with children: do you stay at home or work? | |||
| Stay at home parent |     | 32 | 80.00% |
| Work full time and kids in day care |    | 3 | 7.50% |
| Work part time and kids in day care |    | 2 | 5.00% |
| Kids watched by relative/neighbor |    | 3 | 7.50% |
| Voters: 40. You may not vote on this poll | |||
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11-22-2002, 10:43 AM
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| I sorta hit on that on that in my last post. It's true tho...you will always love your kids more than any job, so even if you decide to return to work, it's NOT saying you love your little one(s) less than those who choose to stay home. My older sister is a mental therapist and she will be the first to tell you that her being home just for maternity leave about drove her nutty. Her husband's (ex now) company downsized and he was out of a job for awhile. He took his time finding new employment and while he did the kids didn't go to daycare, HE LOVED IT! LOL! Of course they had just bought a new home (much bigger) and altho he enjoyed being a SAHP, there wasn't any way they could handle the financial changes. She LOVES her work, she loves her kids more, but she truly missed her career. A great sense of pride came with her working outside the home and a great sense of frustration came with her being at home full time. LOL! She's also one of those people who thrive on hustle and bustle...I really think she would have tried making up for her putting her career on hold by filling every moment with volunteer work from A-Z. What's the point in that really if she was still going to fill her days with meetings and such...she admits that she ENJOYS the time she has with her kids more so now then when she took maternity leave. She has SO much patience with my nephews it's unreal and I think it is partly do to the fact that she isn't around them 24/7. Shainie....which would be easier for you hon'...to go back to work and decide it's just not for you...OR to stay home and decide it's not right for you and your family? IF you would decide 2 months down the road you want to return to work, would you be able to pick up where you left off or start from scratch? __________________ [Only registered and activated users can see links. Either login above or Register Now]
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11-22-2002, 11:15 AM
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| I was thinking of this thread yesterday when I was putting my 2 year old girl, Grace, down for her nap. She gets her stuffed dog, Poofy, and her ballerina bear, Priscilla, and puts them by her bed. Then I cover her with her blankie and I say a short prayer, and then I sing two songs for her. I was thinking to myself, 'This is reason enough alone for me to stay home!'
__________________ Jesus is my Lord, my God. |
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11-22-2002, 02:39 PM
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 Is it possible to do both? Are you able to work part-time outside of the home? I do work part-time and I love being around my kids but heres the thing, I have a Child Dev. background so I run an afterschool program that my son comes to when he is done with his school. It is at a Catholic school and I really enjoy going to work but it has its ups and downs. Having a child adds so many factors, what about when he is sick, its harder to get to work on time due to having an extra person to get ready, I find that having kids makes me want to ditch work just to get my life in order and spend some real time with them. If it was me and we did not need the income I would stay home, he will be in school soon and its all over then. If you need the money for fun stuff its a bummer saying no to things your children want so thats why part-time works so well for us. Working out of your home can make you nuts because there are too many other interuptions that make that a joke! If you do stay home remember it is not an easy job. You must take time for yourself, friends and your husband. If you are a better person working then I would go to work but if you feel a huge void then I would stay home for sure. Good luck with this, How nice you are able to choose! __________________ [Only registered and activated users can see links. Either login above or Register Now] Check out these [Only registered and activated users can see links. Either login above or Register Now], or go directly to [Only registered and activated users can see links. Either login above or Register Now] [Only registered and activated users can see links. Either login above or Register Now] EXP: 12.25.2002 Save 20% off of your purchase at ICE.com with coupon code BCD20-588879. |
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11-22-2002, 05:03 PM
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| Thanks everyone for all your replies!! Colin is taking a nap now so I am going to go back and read what everyone said before he wakes up! I do appreciate everyone taking the time to respond and will reply myself as soon as I read what everyone says.
__________________ Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall. |
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11-22-2002, 06:57 PM
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| I started to read all the opinions here but..... I want to share my experience without agreeing or disagreeing with anyone here. Nothing personal to anyone, because I decided not to read the other posts and find out who believes what. This can be a very sensitive topic. Many working moms will tell you the kids will be just fine if you return to work, and I think it is part a defense of their actions and part a real belief. I do not have any statistics to back up my beliefs, but I will tell you that I was a stay at home Mom of 4 for 19 years, not returning to any form of employment until the 3rd child left for college. During those 19 years I shopped with coupons and looked for good buys and we had used cars and a nice home but lots of basic-type furnishings and few luxuries. We rarely went out to dinner, had mostly neighborhood and other parent friends, and did not have a tv for 10 years. I would not trade those 19 years for 19 years of a career FOR ANYTHING. I have the best memories. I was always able to be there for my kids. I do not regret missing out on any Things or the Prestige of a career. I am very proud of my 4 kids and I am thankful every day that I was able to stay with them, play with them, learn with them, teach them, hug them, laugh with them, and generally know them better 24 hours a day. I had plenty of adult contact through neighbors, the school system, the sports my kids played, my church, volunteer activities and my husbands work. My bottom line is that you only live once. You have kids and they are yours.....No one can raise them better than you. No one will love them like you do and teach them right and wrong....Once you give up raising your kids, you give up so.....much. And I am sorry if working moms think that picking their kids up after work and spending the evening with them is enough... I just do not think it is. I do not believe in the modern "quality time" philosophy. Mom (or Dad) is the best person to be with your kids. And the more time you spend with them the better. My advice: Work only when your kids are in school. No matter what your present career area is, it can be done if you want it enough. __________________ [Only registered and activated users can see links. Either login above or Register Now] Check out these [Only registered and activated users can see links. Either login above or Register Now], or go directly to [Only registered and activated users can see links. Either login above or Register Now] [Only registered and activated users can see links. Either login above or Register Now] EXP: 11.30.2002 Click through to save $15 off of your $150 or more purchase at Buy.com. Check out these [Only registered and activated users can see links. Either login above or Register Now], or go directly to [Only registered and activated users can see links. Either login above or Register Now] [Only registered and activated users can see links. Either login above or Register Now] EXP: 12.25.2002 Save 20% off of your purchase at ICE.com with coupon code BCD20-588879. [Only registered and activated users can see links. Either login above or Register Now]
__________________ Doing the Biggest Loser at the YMCA. Go Green! Thank you Sue, Angela, and MaryEllen for being the best trainers. My goal is to break 140 again. It would be the first time in 22 years. |
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11-22-2002, 08:43 PM
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| The one thing I really agree on is this is a touchy subject, lol. Right now I have a sick 10 month old baby who only has one wish in this entire world and that is to be cuddled close to me 24 hours a day, lol....impossible if I were to work outside the home and I just couldn't give her up to anyone else while she is sick like this. It would break her heart, and mine. (though it does make it tough to write long posts one handed, lol) I have been a SAHM for 8 years now, and I love it. I've been a SAHM while dh was in the Air Force as a lowly airman making less than poverty level wages (yes, that is what they pay the people defending this country) and we did it, without even applying for WIC and food stamps though we did easily qualify for them! (nothing against them, only dh's pride.) and I've been a SAHM while dh was making really good money, all I'm saying is that I've been there, at almost all income levels, and there are always ways to do it. from a mom of 4 who doesn't park her kids in front of the TV all day, mostly because we don't have one, lol. __________________ [Only registered and activated users can see links. Either login above or Register Now] [Only registered and activated users can see links. Either login above or Register Now] [Only registered and activated users can see links. Either login above or Register Now] |
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11-22-2002, 09:43 PM
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| I stayed at home for a year after the birth of my first, then went back to work part-time. Quit working when I was 8 months pregnant with my second, and have not gone back. That was eight years ago. One thing I know for sure is that if I was working, and my kids had to stay home from school because of illness...I'd be the one who would have to take off of work to stay home with them. They probably would also not be as involved in some of the things they currently are....sports, ect,.....because, again, I would have to be the one running them everywhere. I feel most fortunate to be able to stay home...but there are times I miss working. I miss my own paycheck, going to lunch with co-workers, the sense of accomplishment I would get when fininshing something, holiday parties, ect. __________________ [Only registered and activated users can see links. Either login above or Register Now] |
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11-23-2002, 12:08 AM
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 __________________ [Only registered and activated users can see links. Either login above or Register Now] Check out these [Only registered and activated users can see links. Either login above or Register Now], or go directly to [Only registered and activated users can see links. Either login above or Register Now] [Only registered and activated users can see links. Either login above or Register Now] EXP: 11.30.2002 Click through to save $15 off of your $150 or more purchase at Buy.com. Check out these [Only registered and activated users can see links. Either login above or Register Now], or go directly to [Only registered and activated users can see links. Either login above or Register Now] [Only registered and activated users can see links. Either login above or Register Now] EXP: If you've never registered at eBay, you are missing out on the world's greatest garage sale! A must-use for all bargain hunters, you can register for FREE today. Sell your stuff. Buy new stuff. It's that simple. [Only registered and activated users can see links. Either login above or Register Now] |
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11-24-2002, 04:57 AM
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 k, here we go.... i have been on both sides of this coin....so i'd like to offer my 2 cents if you'll have it  and yep, better go get a drink, a snack, smoke a cigarrette real quick whatever cuz it's gonna be a long one.... i worked up until THE DAY i had gavin....went on my maternity leave....maternity leave was up....they called, i quit. just like that. i had been working there for 2 years and was the office manager...i just could NOT handle leaving this innocent tiny little precious baby man at home or in day care all day long with people i barely knew...i had puking spells just thinking about it..if i remember correctly, this is your first child isn't it shaina? if so, i know EXACTLY what you are going through right now...and it's awful (((((((shaina)))))) after gavin was 3 months old, and this was the third month we were unable to make our rent payment and were surviving off of WIC and food stamps...i got another job...that lasted exactly 3 months....i had a bad experience with a babysitter so i decided to stay home again....2 months later we were *this* close to being evicted sooooo...chris went into the navy (the best decision he ever made by the way but that's another story for another time lol)....and i stayed home...and stay home i did...along came skylar and i continued to thoroughly enjoy my domestic bliss...we were still on food stamps and WIC and still surviving on noodles and butter....but we were in love, our children were healthy and beautiful...life was very content.... i always knew that eventually i would go back to work...i had immense office skills obviously but nothing seemed to interest me...and the one thing i had was time...and i took the time to reflect on many things about my life.... sooooo i decided to go back to school and study what interested me the most (this you've obviously already done but i did not make it to college) so once i did go back to work i would do something that didn't bore me to tears and i could make money at it too, which is always good LOL!! i met someone at school who passed on this opportunity for the job i have now on to me...skylar was starting first step and gavin was going into first grade...granted i wanted to wait until sissy was in first grade (here first step and kindergarten are only half day) but i felt i could not pass up this opportunity...so i grabbed it! now i'm working...and i have never been so exhausted yet so happy and fulfilled in my entire life...don't get me wrong, being a mother and a wife was very fulfilling to me and i would NEVER want to be anything else...my family comes FIRST before anything else!! but i'll tell you a little secret, chris and i got ourselves DEEPLY into debt those first few years, not to mention some stupid things we both did before we were even together...in the short time i have been working we have PAID OFF over $6,000 of that debt and are slowly but surely crawling out of the black pit we were in...we didn't have to file bankruptcy, we didn't have to do anything like that...we have both busted our you know what's to get where we are today and to tell ya the truth, yeah i am a little proud of that...and not only that, our family is strong, we are one unbreakable force all 4 of us together LOL!! but would i take back any of those years i spent at home? NEVER!!! would i have gone back to work earlier...possibly...but it does seem a little easier now that i know at least for most of the day they are in school anyway...and if they're sick well heck yeah i stay home with them....i wouldn't think of doing anything but that!! anyway, my whole roundabout point is this...you do what works for YOUR family....if you can go back to work and he's fine and you're fine, then GO FOR IT!!!! if you just can't, and it's just too hard then don't! you have to do what works for you because if YOU are not happy, then your work AT work will suffer, and the same goes if you stay home...it's just money....at least...that's what i kept telling myself LOL!! there really is no right or wrong answer to this question, it is a very tough decision for a mom to make....and think about this: many moms out there don't even have that choice, they have to work, so consider yourself lucky that you can choose, because whatever you choose i'm sure will be the right decision for your family like i said, i've been on both sides of this, i stayed home with them and now i'm at work...and to tell you the truth, since i've been working, things have gotten A LOT better if anything just for the financial strain that has slowly been lifting off of us week by week, month by month....and YES i miss them all the time, omg i miss them so much sometimes i can't even SEE....but i would miss them just as much while they were in school as well....and when they are babies it's hard, it's very hard, those "mommy-bear" instincts kick in and NO ONE can take care of your baby as well as you can, oh boy do i know that feeling LOL, what you are going through is completely and totally normal!! if anyone EVER tries to tell you or guilt trip you into believing you are a bad mother cuz you work, don't listen to them!! even when i was a stay at home mom i never believed that about any mother who was working...in fact, i was a little jealous of the things they were able to go and do with the kids on the weekends cuz they had the extra money too...and now, i can do that, i can take them to the zoo and have a picnic and not worry about checks bouncing or bills going unpaid and we can have a good time, and i can spend good quality time with them...and yep, when i wasn't working it was THAT bad...we couldn't even afford the zoo, heck we couldn't even afford to use the gas on driving to the big park cuz chris needed it to get back and forth to work the rest of the week! it's things like that you could consider....it's HOW you spend the time with them that counts the most, now how MUCH...and i'm here to tell you, things are A LOT different now...every single solitary moment i spend with my children is precious...whereas before, i didn't necessarily plop them in front of the tv all the time but mommy had some lazy days every now and again...now i truly and honestly can say that the time we spend is time well spent... someone also made a good point about your line of work being one where you didn't have to be in everyday 9-5...i wanted to tell you, our accountant at work only comes in 2 days a week and yep she makes a lot of money so it may not be that hard for you you could possibly do that, and that would be awesome!! i hope whatever you decide is something you feel is best for your family....because if that's the case, you will truly have bliss, no matter if you stay home or go to work  __________________ [Only registered and activated users can see links. Either login above or Register Now] [Only registered and activated users can see links. Either login above or Register Now] [Only registered and activated users can see links. Either login above or Register Now] Check out these [Only registered and activated users can see links. Either login above or Register Now], or go directly to [Only registered and activated users can see links. Either login above or Register Now] [Only registered and activated users can see links. Either login above or Register Now] EXP: 12.31.2002 Save $5 off of your purchase of $25 or more at Half.com with coupon code PIZZA77. Check out these [Only registered and activated users can see links. Either login above or Register Now], or go directly to [Only registered and activated users can see links. Either login above or Register Now] [Only registered and activated users can see links. Either login above or Register Now] EXP: 12.25.2002 Save 20% off of your purchase at ICE.com with coupon code BCD20-588879. 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__________________ ~Steph~ [Only registered and activated users can see links. Either login above or Register Now] ~Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind, don't matter and those who matter, don't mind~  |
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11-24-2002, 08:35 AM
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| During the 19 years I was a stay-at-home my kids never missed out on anything for financial reasons, unless you think not having a new car, the most expensive, extensive wardrobe, or a trip to the Mall every week are necessities. I got the impression, from your original post, that your circumstances would be ok on your hubbys salary. Mine were for those 19 years. On that basis, I gave you my outlook on staying home. I AM critical of Moms who work and leave their kids all day, especially when they are very young. BUT I COMPLETELY UNDERSTAND IF IT IS A FINANCIAL NECESSITY. I just feel sorry for people who have kids, and love them dearly, but do not raise them for whatever reason. I know a couple who tried for 6 years to get pregnant, went through 3 miscarriages. Finally had a beautiful healthy little girl. Anyone would think they would want to spend some precious time with that child. (I know they had bucks, a nice home, 2 new cars and always dressed to the 9's so finances were not the issue unless you mean maintaining an extravagant lifestyle is important) When the baby was 6 weeks old Mom went back to work full-time and put the babe in daycare. I witnessed them putting that child into the car early in the morning and taking her out after 6 each night. So....they basically bathed, fed and cared for the child about 2-3 waking hours per day. Is that raising your child? They went through so much to have her, and then gave her to someone else to raise. I am sorry but that makes no sense to me. __________________ [Only registered and activated users can see links. Either login above or Register Now] Check out these [Only registered and activated users can see links. Either login above or Register Now], or go directly to [Only registered and activated users can see links. Either login above or Register Now] [Only registered and activated users can see links. Either login above or Register Now] EXP: 12.25.2002 Save 20% off of your purchase at ICE.com with coupon code BCD20-588879.
__________________ Doing the Biggest Loser at the YMCA. Go Green! Thank you Sue, Angela, and MaryEllen for being the best trainers. My goal is to break 140 again. It would be the first time in 22 years. |
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11-24-2002, 11:31 AM
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| Steph - I commend you for staying at home to be with your kids, despite how much of a financial sacrafice it was! chippers - that is sad about your neighbor, and you're right, it makes no sense. Life isn't all about money, is it! __________________ Check out these [Only registered and activated users can see links. Either login above or Register Now], or go directly to [Only registered and activated users can see links. Either login above or Register Now] [Only registered and activated users can see links. Either login above or Register Now] EXP: 12.25.2002 Save 20% off of your purchase at ICE.com with coupon code BCD20-588879.
__________________ Jesus is my Lord, my God. |
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11-24-2002, 03:21 PM
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| OMG!! You guys are awesome! (I finally have some time to myself as the baby is downstairs with DH watching football). Reading everything that you all wrote is making me cry for some reason. This decision is just killing me. I don't really like the word spoiled but I think that is what I am. From when I graduated college in '93 to when I got married in '99 I was on my own. I have worked non-stop and always was completely in charge of my own money. If I wanted something I either bought it or saved until I could buy it. I was always pretty frugal (always had a roommate, no cable tv, rarely eating out, etc.) but I was never dependent on anyone else. I can live on a tight budget...I've done it before. But, it scares the heck out of me to have to do it again. What helps is that my DH was raised by babysitters since he was two months old. Both his parents worked way too much IMHO. So, although he says the decision is mine, he is hoping that we won't go the babysitter/daycare route. I don't do taxes (never have thankfully) so it would be a little harder for me to go the part time accountant route and I am not sure if I want to. Right now we still have money coming in from my job (short term disability, vacation time and sick time) so it is hard to imagine what will happen in January when it is all gone and we only have one salary. (I know I keep coming back to the $$ aspect of it but that is the biggest hurdle I think.) What struck me the most about reading what everyone here wrote is that there is nobody who was a SAHM who regrets it. Every single one of you that did it is happy you made that choice. That speaks volumes. Shaina __________________ Click here to shop for deals at art.com now! Check out these great deals, or go directly to buy.com Save $15 off $150 Purchase at Buy.com EXP: 11.30.2002 Click through to save $15 off of your $150 or more purchase at Buy.com. Check out these great deals, or go directly to ice.com Save 20% off Purchase at ICE.com EXP: 12.25.2002 Save 20% off of your purchase at ICE.com with coupon code BCD20-588879.
__________________ Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall. |
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11-24-2002, 06:21 PM
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__________________ Jesus is my Lord, my God. |
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11-24-2002, 07:58 PM
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| teraberry...how long did you work outside the home before you decided to stay at home? I mean, were you completely independent for as long as ShainaT was? To me, that is the biggest hurdle. Shaina, you know there was a period of adjustment after you got married...the figuring out the his/mine/ours thing...lol. It will be another adjusting period if you decide to stay home. I have no doubts it will all work out...it's just something to think about. You are the only one who knows if you can live with depending on someone else totally for your well being. Some people can...some can't...regardless of how strong the marriage is. Maybe I look at this a different way. My husband and I were/are a TEAM. We raised the kids together, our combined incomes went into the bank together, we paid bills...no wait..I paid bills...lol. Anyway...you see my point. We did EVERYTHING together. But, I DID work outside the home. I loved it. I loved having a job, contributing to the common good...all of that. I don't agree that it is just the moms who should stay at home or make all of the sacrifices for the kids. Children deserve to have dads contributing to the raising too. If it means dad is going to work longer hours to make ends meet...well...I say work. I guess my point is your decision to work should be based on what YOU want. You shouldn't feel guilty for WANTING to work. Even if it's not a money issue. Why should moms be frowned upon for WANTING a career? Dads aren't. If you are going to stay at home and be unhappy because you WANT to work, then you are doing you son a huge disservice. He deserves a HAPPY mom. If it would make you happy to stay at home, then stay at home. Then again...if your husband's income and your income is close...and you want to work...let HIM stay home. That way you solve the delimma about wanting to work, but not wanting to put your son in daycare. __________________ Check out these [Only registered and activated users can see links. Either login above or Register Now], or go directly to [Only registered and activated users can see links. Either login above or Register Now] [Only registered and activated users can see links. Either login above or Register Now] EXP: 12.25.2002 Save 20% off of your purchase at ICE.com with coupon code BCD20-588879.
__________________ Niki [Only registered and activated users can see links. Either login above or Register Now] The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently.--Friedrich Nietzsche  |
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11-24-2002, 08:35 PM
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| This issue comes up a lot with my friends and I. One thing about this issue is that I am always amazed at the animosity involved in the working moms and SAHM issue. Really. I have always chosen to be a SAHM because I hated being raised by sitters. That was my personal decision. My mom went back to work when I was a baby and I hated it. I hated coming home to an empty house after school, hated not having my parents around. Does this make me insensitive to working moms? No. Every woman has a decision to make. Some have it made for them. Financially, we have made a lot of sacrifices with me staying at home but I think they were worth it. And it is not just working women who are vilified, it is the SAHM as well. We are often depicted as unintelligent, lazy, boring, etc. And often we are used as the ones that everyone turns to for things because after all, we stay at home so we must have tons of time to bake your cookies, watch your kids, etc. I ran a day care out of my home in Oregon for years and I have seen both sides of the issue. I know a lot of women who were torn by their decision but bent over backwards to be with their kids...taking off time for school programs, etc. They are the ones that appreciated everything I did with their children and we became friends and our families became friends. I also have known a few women who I don't even know why they had kids...seemed like they had a child and went back to work right away and let others completely raise their kids. These are also the women that treated me badly while I took care of their kids..not showing up on time to pick them up, dropping them off sick or with lice, or just acted like I had nothing better to do than watch their kids. I have also known SAHM moms that might as well have worked as they don't really do much with their kids except sit them in front of a TV and do their own thing. My point is that we are all women, sisters if you will, and we should quit being so divided and think of ways that we can help each other. There should be better maternity leave for women, and paternity leave for men as well. I still believe that it is a better world when one parent can stay at home with the kids. But it is also unrealistic in many ways. I hope I have not offended anyone by my views, especially my friends, but this is just my view. If a person wants to go back to work, then maybe they should try it. If it works out, then WONDERFUL. If not, then they tried and now they can stay at home and figure things out from there. But as the saying goes "if Momma ain't happy, ain't no one happy" OR something like that. __________________ Check out these [Only registered and activated users can see links. Either login above or Register Now], or go directly to [Only registered and activated users can see links. Either login above or Register Now] [Only registered and activated users can see links. Either login above or Register Now] EXP: 12.25.2002 Save 20% off of your purchase at ICE.com with coupon code BCD20-588879.
__________________ Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow.  |
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