Every have a rat in your house?

[mayfly]

This occured last Thanksgiving. Living by the river everyone here sometimes will see a rat from time to time. We have never had any in our house (Thank YOU Lord!), but we have had them under our house. We bought some d-con. The instructions on the little box say to leave the poison in the little box, and slide the little box and its contents into the area you wish to trap the buggers. Well, we read the directions, and heartily laughed at their conservativeness, and decided the BEST way would be to toss handfuls of the poison in every direction under our house. We thought we were so clever.

Six days later we noticed a suspicious smell.

It grew worse and worse. A dead rodent smell. We were confused, when rats eat d-con they run away from the house in search for water, why would a rat have stayed to die? Slowly, realization came to us; with the poison scattered the rat only ate a teeny bit, and so slowly died, rather than gorging himself and splitting the coop. What was the answer? Why I sent dh under the house to escavate the rat.

He took off the crawl space cover, peered at the foundation, and a small spider web brushed against his hand. Instantly he convulsed with the Heebie Jeebie shudders. Desperately he tried to fast talk me into waiting until the smell dissapated; "Only three or four weeks!" he insisted. The look in my eye must have told him it was no dice, as he sadly resigned himself to his manly duty to climb under the house.

Excitement lit his face again "I will bring the kids!" he announced. Then he went into the house to arm himself. Forty minutes later my dh emerged from the bedroom looking like a Wookie, but sounding like Darth Vader. He wore my sweat pants over his jeans, and 4 shirts, with an old turtleneck topping them all. Twelve yards of duct tape encased his legs, sealing his pants from his ankles to his knees. His hands were secured with a pair of surgical gloves also well taped to his shirt sleeve. And his face, his face was the scariest part, he wore a ski mask with alien snow goggles, and a huge ventilator. He turned to stare at me, at least I think he was staring, I couldn't see his eyes. With one finger he beckoned to me and said "KEEEE KUUUUUU Woman KEEEE KUUUUUU I am ready to go KEEEE KUUUUU under the house." The sound affects were not for humor, but his actually breathing coming through the ventilator. Suddenly scampering from under his padded arms was his little duo, the kids masked and taped like his own personal Mini Me's.
************continued*************


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[mayfly]

**************continued************
The three of them solemly depart, and I hear the crawl space cover being lifted once again. As if on an underwater exploration I see their saftey line being pulled in after them, a 40 foot extention cord with a light. DH made DS lug that, DH had the important job of beating off the horrible evil spider webs that tried to entangle him. DD follows as a silent partner, carrying the box knife.

I wait and listen, all is still. Then I hear DH yell at the kids through his ventilator "KEEEE KUUUU take off your masks children KEEEEE KUUUUUU see if you can smell it." Of course his rank and station made it that this duty must be ordered to the peons. "Ewwww Daddy! Yes we smell it! Right here!" My innocent children pointed.

More silence, he was cutting the insulation. I sit at the kitchen table and wait. Suddenly I hear his scream SCREAM I tell you, and the whole house shakes like a 6.0 earthquake. Bumping and thumping and screaming, and then the childrens Laughter. He scrambles out from under the house, his stocking cap swathed in spider webs, bits of lint dangling off of it like earrings. But He has a bag, and its heavy, and its filled, and he is victorious, yes he is man, he has bagged the kill. He saunters off to the compost pile to bury his sick find, while the children rush to tell me their tales. Apparently when DH made the cut into the insulation he was right on target, and as he pulled the insulation apart the dead rat fell out and landed on his chest. In attempt to escape this evil threat he almost knocked the entire house off its foundation, but He had succeeded, and he had the right to gloat now. And gloat he did.

He's my man, and I sure love him! Poor guy!

[LocaChica]

OMG I am rolling!! ROFLMAO Not so much at the story, but at the way you tell it. I love it

[ihvfaith]

Oh Oh Oh my sides are killing me.
You made me laugh so hard so funny.

[jenimadison]

OMG!!! I'm sorry to hear of the rat...but...













Thanks for the giggles You're a great story teller

[Mouse7088]

Oh mercy...thankfully I wasn't drinking anything yet this morning!!! Oh my mayfly, you REALLY know how to tell a story!! ROFLMBO!!!!!

Sadly, I do know about those rats...<sigh>

We have a creek that runs in our back yard so when the there isn't much rain critters tend to move toward the house in search of water. We also use the rat poisoning because those suckers dig tunnels. Our garage is just a dirt/gravel floor so you can imagine what kind of friight you go through when suddenly you find your piggies a foot underground! YIPES! LOL!
Codey had gone up to the attic with me and found a bag full of stuffed animals that I just didn't have the heart to toss out, he took the various toys and scattered it seemed every where he went that day. Hubby came home and wanted to rearrange a stack of wood in there to make room for more he had cut. My job was to get the small stack of old wood moved as so we could put it right on top of the new. After awhile doing any work like that you seem to go on auto pilot, meaning you're not really paying close attention..hee hee...I look down and see another furry toy that Codey has obviously left behind for the zillionth time that day. As I am leaning over to toss this toy out of the way I'm telling Kenny what other goofy places I have found these toys....imagine the shock on my face when I realize I am NOT holding a stuffed animal, but a dead friggin' rat!!!!!!! We're talking an award winning heebie jeebie dance tossed with a HUGE amount of gagging!!! Kenny and I were both crying, he from laughter and me from being so grossed out and scared. Thankfully my nightmares only lasted for a few weeks...LOL!

[mayfly]

ROFLMBO!!!! Love that story mouse! Especially the line of finding your piggies a foot below ground-hehe!
EWWWWWWWWW to the dead rat!

Loca, you mean to tell me this kind of stuff doesn't happen to you? *wink* Do you live in a condo or an apartment? I wonder if you can get rodents when you live in one of those? Where the heck would you put the poison?

[Rayann]

That is hilarious!
What a story

[JVIGH]

had one 2000, electon night. was tense about Bush and Gore and Florida, suddenly a small tiny field mouse ran accross the living floor. I thought I was gonna go in labor I screamed so LOUD, was 36 weeks then. I think to this day my scream killed it. DH lifted the sofa to the side there it was not moving. grab the tail and threw it out and far far from us. we live next to a empty field. Terminax put bait out and around. never had a problem since.


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[LocaChica]

Originally posted by mayfly


Loca, you mean to tell me this kind of stuff doesn't happen to you? *wink* Do you live in a condo or an apartment? I wonder if you can get rodents when you live in one of those? Where the heck would you put the poison?

Nothing that exciting ever happens here. I live in an apartment and I don't EVEN wanna find out what would happen if a rat were to die in a hard to reach area. yuck!
What's funny is that there's a donut/doughnut shop very, very close (a few car spaces away). One of these days I swear I'm going to see a mouse. ewwwww

[NaomiMarie]

Ewwwwwww, never had a rat (don't intend to either)

[nrages]

I am utterly grossed out!!
I would have died!!!! If the dead rat fell on me, and if I would have picked up a dead rat without knowing! ugh!!!!!!!!!

[jskarp]

Boy Mayfly......what do they say.........The family that plays together stays together! LOL! You are a hoot! ~Joy

[kat]

Ewwww... nooooo!!! I climbed up on a chair the one & only time we ever had a mouse dare to come in our house and that was a tiny field mouse. I think I'd move if a rat came anywhere near!

But your story had me ROFLMBO!!! I could just imagine how funny he'd look outfitted like that too.

[3tbear]

You tell a really good story, your hubby must have looked so funny in that get up. That poor guy, the rat fell on him? Ewwww.