Can you be TOO frugal?

[cata5]

Thought this was interesting.


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Dear Dollar Stretcher,
I am a long time reader and I really appreciate what you have to say. I just wanted to get something off my chest. Sometimes in the quest to be frugal one can lose sight of other important qualities. It is also important to be generous, kind and unselfish. It seems like in the rush to save a few bucks or get something for free, people can take advantage of others and cause hurt feelings. For instance, a group of people will agree to go in on a present and one person will buy the gift. But then when that person goes to collect, someone in the group brushes the collector off and keeps saying they'll bring in money later, but then never does.

Or, for an example from my own family, this holiday we all got together for a potluck style dinner. My sister-in-law, who is very proud of her "tightwad" lifestyle, insisted that we order a ham even though no one else wanted it. When it came time to order it, she put no money towards it and the rest of us did. At the meal, most of it did not get eaten, and then without asking anyone else, she wrapped it up and took it home! She was so excited about saving a few cents and feeding her family for cheap that she forgot her manners.

I see examples of this all the time, and I am not talking about poor people, it is usually people that have a very comfortable lifestyle.
Amy

Amy makes a valid point. It's fine to be frugal. But, like most good things, thriftiness can be taken too far and become a fault. The trick is in determining what is 'going too far'.

Where is that point? One way to answer is by deciding what really is frugal living? The American Heritage Dictionary defines frugal as "avoiding unnecessary expenditure or money; thrifty; costing little; inexpensive".

I'd add to that definition. Maybe it's wishful thinking, but frugality should help us lead a balanced, fulfilled life without harming others.

Some examples of a prudent lifestyle:

Finding a second use for an item
Making something to last longer
Using less with the same results
Finding a less costly alternative
True frugality has a way of creating wealth that wasn't there before. Most frugal living ideas fall under one of two categories. Either they're a way of needing less of something. Or they're a way of providing more of a resource at a reduced cost. Either way you've provided more value for the money or resource that you consume.

Frugality should never be used as an excuse for theft or a lack of honesty. I think that most of us would agree with Amy that agreeing to help pay for something and then not doing so isn't right. And probably not even really thrifty. Isn't the relationship with your relatives worth more than the leftover ham?

Some thrifty tactics aren't so black or white. For instance, suppose you walk into an antique shop and realize that they have seriously underpriced an item. Are you taking advantage of the shop owner if you buy the item at that price without telling them of their mistake?

Whatever your answer was, would you apply the same rules if you found the same item underpriced at a church thrift store? Or at a garage sale? At a garage sale in a poor part of town? Yes, we all like to find a 'bargain'. But for most people, there is a point where we feel we're taking advantage of the other person.

Amy is also right about getting too wrapped up in what we're doing and losing sight of the world around us. One summer I was so successful in reducing our electric bill that it became an obsession. A hot Florida summer and a nut controlling the thermostat isn't a comfortable combination! The original goal was fine. But common sense got lost along the way.

Once you've been living more frugally for awhile, it's probably a good idea to step back and analyze what you're doing. Maybe you've gone overboard. Or, maybe it's time to give yourself and your family a small reward for what you've already achieved.

What can Amy do? If their relationship is good, she might gently remind her sister-in-law that frugal living is a balance. Or, if that's not possible, she can remember that we're all subject to making mistakes. Hopefully the ones we make aren't too public and don't do too much damage!


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[cujo0123]

I was going to answer by saying I can never be too frugal, but after reading that I see a different view. I have never thought of cheating someone as being frugal. Or immoral actions. In my personal definition of frugal, I can never be too frugal. I can not be dishonest either so I guess I don't think of the evils.

Does that make sense? I hope so.

[AndersonGal]

I'm with you.
Frugal is one thing, immoral is another.

But I would have said yes in the first place.
It's fun to be frugal, a hobby even but never should it be in poor taste. What is too frugal I guess would depend on the person and their situation. When people are rude, illegal, immoral~that's not frugal. That's called being a jerk.

[blueaguave]

like people who stock up on napkins, utensils, etc when they go to the condiment bar at a fast food place, taking vast quantities. Its tacky


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[3tbear]

Hey, some people can be real jerks about things, even when it comes to being frugal. It's just not right ordering a ham, then not contributing a dime towards it, and taking home the leftovers, it's rude.

I like to recycle things, so I guess I'm frugal. I once made a shirt from a dress and you know, it looked darn good if I might say so. No one knew the difference and I had something different to wear to work. I don't like throwing things away if I can use them in another capacity.

[Pipanella]

Yes. My dad is frugal to the extreme, in most things. Well, he will be ridiculous in some things, and throw caution to the wind in a few other things (just a few, because he's a very frugal person, LOL). He's one of those people that rules the thermostat, shuts doors and turns out lights almost before you've left the room. He grew up dirt poor, and worked sooooo hard all his life, and now that he can buy pretty much whatever he wants, when he wants, he finds it hard to live like that.


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[bestmidwest]

Wow...I think there's a big difference between frugal and cheap. Most of the people I know who are truly frugal are also very generous with both their time and resources. If they find a good deal, they often pick up extra for the food pantry...just little things like that.

I have a cousin who used to go to one grandma's house or the other for lunch every day because then she wouldn't have to pay for it. She would never dream of spending a penny of her own, but would have no problem blowing other people's money at the casino, etc. She and her husband live in a gorgeous home and have jet-skis, boats....all that stuff. To me, she is cheap and tacky.

Now, I would consider myself frugal. I don't deny myself things that I really want, but I do think long and hard about them. If I really want something, I do the research and try to find the best price. I clip coupons, wait for sales. When I buy gifts, they may not be the most expensive, but I try to make them thoughtful and meaningful to the person. We buy nice used vehicles, and I don't have a problem dressing my kids in decent looking second-hand clothes. I love to shop rummage sales. I was at a great church rummage sale where they were selling clothes for $1 per bag and I got some amazing baby clothes...so I gave them a few bucks more. It was still way less than I would have paid on ebay, and it made me feel a little bit better. I'm proud when I can save my family money to use for fun things.


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[blueaguave]

you have to take some of this frugal advice with a grain of salt, some if it helps, some of it doesn't. Some of the frugal websites assume that everyone has tons of time on their hands, and they assume you don't mind being tacky.
I dispute how great coupons are. Virtually all coupons I see in my Sunday paper are for prepackaged, refined carb, high sodium and/or sugar junk food. Whats so great about saving 80% if you ruin your health. Have you ever seen a coupon for salmon or brocolli?
I agree you should sign up for all the grocery "club cards" in your area though.


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[cutie_pie]

That woman and her ham made me think. I pride myself on being frugal, squeezing out as much as I can out of a dollar, but this sister-in-law isn't frugal, she is a rude, selfish, immoral leech. I am happy to say though I am frugal, I am extremely generous as well. I think the more money one saves, the more is expendable in other areas (like special treats, gifts--and yes I save on those too ) I think I would be frugal even if I were to have loads of money, I think I would still be frugal....wasting isn;t my thing, esp. money

On the other side, there are those, like my sis, who refuses to use a coupon <shrug> and the fool I saw at the car wash tossing a handful of pennies into the trash (my ds was shocked, which is good he knows money isn;t for tossing into the trash).


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