Mother-In-Law Problems-- Suggestions Please!!

[freebz4me]

Okay guys, I might get long-winded here:

I have been with my husband for almost 6 years. We have one child together, and I have one from a previous relationship. My mother-in-law has never liked me from the day I started dating my husband. I am not the "Betty Crocker" type of woman. He knew that, and didn't expect that from me. I get the feeling this is the type of woman "Mommy" wanted him to marry. Well anyway, ever since I had a child with him, she is in our business nonstop!! And if it's not her, it's my husband's sister or his Dad. It's always someone. I am always looking over my shoulder, it seems. They are always very, very nice to me when I am around them, but they always talk about me when I'm not around. They barge into my house uninvited and then go and talk amongst themselves if my house is not up to their standards. I will tell you now that I am not the best housekeeper. But they act like I live in a dump. I just can't stand this! They don't even bring their "concerns" up to me, they talk amongst themselves or to my husband. I bathe and feed my children daily. I spend soo much time with them! It seems like my in-laws always come over when the house is not-so-clean, or I'm just waking up in the morning, etc. so it always looks like I'm this lazy slob that doesn't take care of my kids. My husband tells them that I am not that way, but it just eats me up that these people have this wrong opinion of me and I can't change it!!
The other day, my sister-in-law helps herself into my house....My baby and I are just waking up (this is at 8 in the morning), and the baby runs into the living room. I am just waking up, so I wasn't immediately after the baby. I had to get dressed, etc. Well, the sister-in-law goes home and tells her Mom that I was sleeping while the baby was running around the house for 30 minutes before I came to see what was going on! UGGGGH!!!!! Well now MIL is all worried about the kids, thinking that someone is going to come kidnap the kids from the house, etc. Now she wants to keep my baby for a week. I just don't know what to do. I haven't even gotten into the situation with them, but this is getting to be such a long post. Bottom line: I wrote them a letter telling them to stay out of my business, but my husband doesn't want me to send it. Do you guys have any other suggestions about how I can deal with this situation once and for all??? Pleas help me, I'm about to lose my mind!!!

[tasker109]

If your husband cant or wont tell them to MYOB then you need to. Its your house and your life. If they dont like it, thats tough. Just make sure its what your hubby wants too! That kind of thing happens all the time so dont think you are the only one!! Good luck.....signed.....Abigail Van Buren ( :p )

[macy40]

after 10 yrs together my husband would still not stand up to his mom and would not let me either so......i gave him back to his mother..........best gift i ever gave :)

[buckeyemomma]

I agree with tasker . You might have hubby tell them to please call before stopping by also.


I know what I would do...MOVE AWAY!!

[freebz4me]

LOL! I wish I could move away! Whew, that would be really nice! But, I can't. I am going to deal with this situation one way or the other, and it probably won't be pretty! I really like the people, and I guess they mean well, but I just hate this situation. I don't like being the subject of gossip and controversy, especially when it's not true! But, I think I am gonna send that letter (if I get the courage), or at least try to have a "heart to heart" with MIL (yuck!) and SIL(yuckier!)-- And if that don't work, I'll just start locking doors and blocking phone numbers!!

[macy40]

reebz4me i am sorry if my reply upset.....i was just being honest ...i recived a hateful e-mail from another dod member who said i had upset you and that i should mind my bussiness......well, to that person, i agree......i will be removing my membership from dod......the short time i have been a member it has really opened my eyes....i really liked this site until i became a member.....life is too short and i don't have time for petty behavior.

[kells3]

First I'm sorry about your in-law problems. My family is like the one on "Everybody Loves Raymond" so I know what you are going through. At least we don't live close by, so they don't drop in. I'm not sure what you should do, but I don't think that I would write a letter. That is something they can hold on to and throw it in your face when ever they want too. Even years later. I would keep my door locked then if its quiet you can pretend your not home when they knock on the door. If they ask why you are now locking the door just tell them you feel safer that way.

Good luck.

Kelly

[NaomiMarie]

Change your locks and tell DH to get a backbone (sorry if I'm being a bit TOO blunt) and defend you, his wife!

Naomi :)

[valleygirl]

Maybe it would be better if you all just sat down and discussed this. Just make sure hubby is there and supports you. I would be like you and want to send a letter too, but I feel if you just sit down and get this in the open would be best. Do it in a kind way. Maybe have hubby bring it up with something like " we need to work on how you are making freebz4me feel". Just my opinion as I have never had too many inlaw problems.

[NaomiMarie]

[QUOTE][i]Originally posted by valleygirl [/i]
[B]Just my opinion as I have never had too many inlaw problems. [/B][/QUOTE]
You're lucky :)
I now know why in-laws are often referred to as OUTLAWS :) ;)

[3tbear]

Lock your doors so they can't barge in any old time, or, if they have keys to your place, change the locks. That should give them the hint.

I wouldn't send them the letter.

Talk to your hubby, tell him he should talk to them. He'll have to figure out how to word things.

I wish you luck! Sounds like a tough situation to me!

[chippers21]

Change your locks if necessary. Make sure they do not get a key. Kiss the hubby and thank him for his support. Love him up.
Be civil but not friendly with the relatives. Never share info. Never argue. Just leave the room if someone is offensive. Get your hubby on your side and you win the battle. If hubby will not cooperate, make it plain to him that to have a good marriage you need to work together.
If all else fails, find a way to move away. A long way away.

[Brendabutt]

macy40--sorry your post upset someone--I thought it was cute. Made me laugh out loud!!!! And I've felt like doing that sometimes too. Why are men soooo afraid to stand up to their mothers???????????? And why do mothers never let their sons go??????? I have two daughters, so I don't understand the son/mother relationship.

[verwon]

Macy, please don't leave. If you want to forward me a copy of the email or tell me who it was I will gladly handle it. You didn't say anything wrong. My husband and I both got a laugh out of it and such nasty things are not tolerated here!!!

To whomever had to send her a nasty email, this is unacceptable, totally rude and immature. Go find something better to do.

[valleygirl]

[QUOTE][i]Originally posted by NaomiMarie [/i]
[B]
You're lucky :)
I now know why in-laws are often referred to as OUTLAWS :) ;) [/B][/QUOTE]


LOL I said never had TOO many problems with them, there have been a few but nothing real major. :D

Now I see where she stated that they helped themselves into her house. Now I am assuming these people have keys, and that she didn't just leave the door unlocked. Now THAT I would not like at all. I would have no problem with them dropping by but to just come on in the house unannounced like that? nope. They would have to ring doorbell or knock at least. Yes, I would change locks if it continued. The outcome really lays heavily on your husband. He will have to balance his actions very carefully, LOL if he wants to keep everyone happy. But if one has to be unhappy, it had better be the mother. LOL