Mother-In-Law Problems-- Suggestions Please!!

[Jaxxie]

Idon't know if you own your home or rent, but what i did after i foolishly gave out my key......we own our home so i went out picked up a pretty lockset and had hubby replace it When the family asked why? i just laughed and said i found it on sale and i really liked it....i never offered a key. Now when i need family to stop by to feed animals, i give them my garage door opener....that way i am guaranteed to get it back and they can't go make a copy of it.

You don't have to be spotless if toys are the biggest mess in your house get a basket...can even be a clothes basket or wicker...and keep in the corner of living room and at night toss all the toys into it before bed. Kids love to dig anyway.

Get caller ID or a answering machine, and put them to good use.

Family can be very petty, if you love your husband that is 99 percent of life.....and all you should really care about. Yes it would be a wonderfull world if everyone got along. My own mother lives 3 doors down from me, she never ever knocks...my DH is a saint to put up with it!! But when we want to be alone, i just shut and lock the door. When she says i came up.....i just say oh i must have been at the neighbors.

Would it be possible instead of making a big deal of it, make a joke out of it? When they sit and talk and leave you out of the conversation......laugh and say gee i feel so out of the loop on this? Or when you know they are talking about you...ask.."who are you talking about".

Dont' send the letter, just make quiet little remarks to let them know you are getting hurt feelings. Take it slow....you have a long life ahead of you with them.

And always remember...."Could be worse" how you ask......they could LIVE with you 24/7!

Good LUCK!!!!

[janeen]

How annoying. They obviously need to get a life. It kindof sounds like they are jealous of you, because they can't be supportive, they just cut you down. Don't let Mommy Dearest take the baby for a week, the next thing you know you'll have the children's services people knocking on your door, saying you "deserted" the baby with her! Get the keys back or re-key the locks. Keep your doors locked so noone can "kidnap" the baby, and tell her you are following her advise. I'd grab the baby and leave on "errands" every time you smell them coming and just not expose yourself to the cruel things they say. They know you will hear it, and they want a reaction. If they tell your hubby and he tells you, laugh your head off, loudly, so that when they ask him what you said he can tell them that you just laughed. If they see that they are no longer bugging you, maybe they'll move their act down the road to the next victim. After all, isn't that what they are trying to do, bug you? Don't let it!!!! Sounds like these people are mean, you don't need it, see how it's making you feel! Good luck!!!

[Mouse7088]

Macy...I hope you read this...I sent you a PM yesterday. :D

Ok...personally..I was given the Mother-In-Law from you know where the first go around at marriage. She was always sticking her noce in my business and would say horrible things about me. Did my husband stand up for me? Nopers! It caused some major problems, but it wasn't THE problem. I would say something now and then in a nice manner and it went right over her head...finally it got really bad. If I was to confront her on anything I didn't stop until I made her cry. Lemme tell ya...it did feel good, BUT I the guilt came later. So then I had her butt to put up with along with the guilt of being a bad person. LOL! I did divorce her son and remarried...I still don't have a "perfect" MIL, but she doesn't have a perfect DIL either...hee hee!
I will always feel that it is my hubby's place to talk to his Mom (Dad) if there's a problem and my place to talk to my mom (or Dad).
I would be tempted to change the locks as well...that is YOUR home and you should be allowed to open the door and invite someone into your home, not having anyone walk right in.
My in laws have stopped by and even with the doors open (screen door shut), they will stand on the porch and wait for us. I mean, hubby and I could be having some "alone time"...you don't just open the door to a bathroom, you first knock to see if anyone is in there...the same should go with a home.
Your letter...well...I usually just feel better after writing down my thoughts. You say DH doesn't want you to send it...did he read it? If so then he should know what is bothering you and HE should be the one to talk to them. If not...then I would suggest trying to have a rational conversation....try to get your hubby to sit in on that. He doesn't have to really say anything, but that way there won't be any confusion on what is being said. His Mom can't come back to him later and twist your words a bit.

My hubby has never had a "problem" with my parents...I'm wondering if it's a Momma's boy type thing...if that's the case, I am in trouble because I have all boys...wonder if this means I will one day be the MIL from you know where!?!?!?! YIKES!!!! LOL!

Good luck babe:)

[deal4u]

Just my experience but I would make my comments face to face before I would send a letter.

When you send a letter your MIL can twist your words to mean what she wants them to mean or she may take something you wrote different than how you meant it to sound. Plus, she can take the letter all over town and show it anyone making an even bigger problem.

I would try to get everyone who is involved (you, hubby, MIL, FIL, SIL) together and have a heart to heart with them. Hubby needs to put his support behind you anf not his mother.

[freebz4me]

Thank ALL OF YOU for the wonderful and useful advice. You have all given me a lot to think about. I am glad I didn't send the letter, because it definately would have ruffled feathers, and you all are right, she will find SOME way to use it against me!! I tell hubby how I feel about this situation night and day, but I think I will just have to accept that I'm not liked and "play nice" with his Dear Mommy. You all have been a lot of help to me. Thank you.


Macy,

I do not know why someone emailed you saying you offended me. I thought your comment was funny. I have no idea why this person would say you offended me. Don't leave DoD because of this person attacking you. I was not behind this, I just think someone wanted to pick on you. I'm soooo sorry ((((Macy)))).

[macy40]

Thanks to all 312 e-mails i have recieved....there is no way i can answer them all so i will answer here......hugs to all that wrote...they really suprised me.....as for the "tacky e-mail" i got, it has been given to the proper person and as it turned out the person who wrote it was banned from this a while back site (so i wonder how this person even got the info to e-mail)...as my son told me last night, one bad apple does not ruin the whole bunch......once again thaks for the e-mails....they were very touching :)

[luvmetender]

Glad things got straightened out, macy! I thought your post was great!

[valleygirl]

[QUOTE][i]Originally posted by macy40 [/i]
[B]Thanks to all 312 e-mails i have recieved....there is no way i can answer them all so i will answer here......hugs to all that wrote...they really suprised me.....as for the "tacky e-mail" i got, it has been given to the proper person and as it turned out the person who wrote it was banned from this a while back site (so i wonder how this person even got the info to e-mail)...as my son told me last night, one bad apple does not ruin the whole bunch......once again thaks for the e-mails....they were very touching :) [/B][/QUOTE]



I liked your post also macy. Saw nothing wrong with it. I can't believe someone would email you something like that. I guess they need to be in the same category as the NOSY mother in law here.:D

Glad you recieved all the GOOD emails in response to this.

[S_Breeze1]

Wow... all I can say is good luck with this... and the only advice I can give you is.... Remind Hubby the good book says cleave to your spouce....(NOT YOUR MOMMY) lock your doors and from now on do not mention any personal issues with any of them.... your finances, your dr visits, what you spend on groceries, from now on let them ask the questions and you give tactful but uninforming answers... the less they know about anything the better... and last... forgive them...and you may tell them that you forgive them. If they ask why?? tell them gossip is bad for a family.....but on the other side of this... tell them ok talk all ya want... If your talkin about me then your leaving some other poor soul alone... AND KEEP YOUR DOORS LOCKD.. how rude of her to come over to your house at 8 am uninvited... these people really need to get some manners...jeeeeesh!!!

[alohagirl67]

I can understand your aggravation with your in-laws. It sounds like they have in place little or no boundaries. I, like you, need my morning time to gather my thought for the day. Regardless, they may be family, but your home is your space, not theirs, unless you INVITE them into it.
Tell them you need a phone call before they come over...that way you can tidy up, and prepare yourself emotionally for them as well.
IF your relationship with them is an important one to you, then you will work it out. The major problem I foresee is more than likely they will be unreceptive toward your needs if you lay it on the line in a letter.
I bet if you reread that letter when you have a clear mind, you may find its a little hostile, simply because you have been walked on by them.
Certainly make attempts to rein them in so your not being railroaded by them constantly but remember, baby steps! Start with the phone call before they pop in- then once that is going well, take on another issue. Good luck!