Have any of you cared for a dying cancer patient? (or info on morphine)

[teraberry]

My dad found out he had cancer (again) last month and went downhill quickly. He now is in the hospital on a morphine drip, mostly in a lot of pain. His tumor is in the abdominal area and is about the size of a grapefruit. He could die at any time. He is getting radiation to shrink the tumor, but I don't know if it's working. If it is he could have a few more weeks left. I mostly am wondering about pain relief. Is a morphine drip in the case of a terminally ill pateint basically hastening his death? Is it the only good option for severe pain? Do any of you know what it feels like from talking to someone who lived through it - taking morphine that is. I just wonder if the morphine is the best or only way to go.

[DaizyMae]

[QUOTE][i]Originally posted by teraberry [/i]
[B]My dad found out he had cancer (again) last month and went downhill quickly. He now is in the hospital on a morphine drip, mostly in a lot of pain. His tumor is in the abdominal area and is about the size of a grapefruit. He could die at any time. He is getting radiation to shrink the tumor, but I don't know if it's working. If it is he could have a few more weeks left. I mostly am wondering about pain relief. Is a morphine drip in the case of a terminally ill pateint basically hastening his death? Is it the only good option for severe pain? Do any of you know what it feels like from talking to someone who lived through it - taking morphine that is. I just wonder if the morphine is the best or only way to go. [/B][/QUOTE]


I'm so sorry to hear about your Dad....I don't know if it's the best, but morphine took care of my Mom and my Granny before they passed away of cancer. I took care of both of them at their houses, they passed away two years apart, Mom in 1992 and Granny in 1994. There gets to be a time when nothing else helps to ease the pain, and the morphine seemed to relax them a little. I have no idea if it speeds up the death process, and I don't know if there is anything else out there to help them.
Do they think he has a chance with the radiation, or are they just pulling at straws here? I don't mean to be blunt, or seem cold, but I have to say when the cancer takes over, all the radiation in the world won't help. I'd be happy to talk to you about it if you want to PM me....please be patient and I will get with you as soon as I can....btw....I am a cancer survivor....twice :D

[billsmrs]

I am so sorry. I will keep you in my prayers.

I use to work in oncology for about a year and the morphine doesn't speed up the dying. It just helps them relax more. Alot of times it may even put them in a drug-induced coma. I know that sounds harsh but at least they aren't in any pain and if I eer have to choose that is what I want.

My hubby and his family is looking into that for his grandmother. They really hate to see her in so much pain and they know this will help with that and they won't have to see her suffer so much. She has multiple problems and since she is 83 they say there is nothing they can do but make her comfortable.

[teraberry]

DaizyMae -
Thanks for your input. With the radiation they are claiming that it will shrink the tumor, but at the same time they tell us this is very serious and not at all good. I think they are pulling at straws. He already has had two close calls this week where his breathing slowed to the point of asking if they should recussitate him, need be. He came back on his own both times, and the next day was talking a bit and vitals went up.

It's strange to experience this. In my mind it seems like the medical staff should be able to do something - that they should have the medicines and equipment to make him healthy. Everyone will go at some time though.

I lost a sister-in-law to cancer a year ago. She was in her late 30's. I feel so blessed that there is not a history of cancer with the women in my family (and I have my mother plus 5 older sisters and lots of aunts). Not that it couldn't happen to me, but it seems like the relatively younger women I've heard of having cancer also have mothers or sisters who had cancer.

Wow - you beat it twice! I'm so happy for you! I can't imagine what that was like, but you must be a strong-willed person. God bless you! Really!

[mcshelll]

My BIL died from abdominal cancer. My Grandma died of bile duct cancer at about the same time. Unless, something new has been developed, morphine is the way to go. My BIL was often given timed release morphine to use at home. However, he didn't digest well due to the blockages. Drip is about the best and fastest way to receive it. I am so sorry to hear about your about your Dad. It is very hard to watch a loved be in pain. I will pray for you and your family and your Dad.

[teraberry]

billsmrs - I understand what you are saying. I don't know where I stand on it. I think I myself would rather be at least awake a portion of the day, than to be put in a deep sleep. But I have no idea how intense the pain is. I really wonder what it is like to me in that state of being on morphine. I wonder if it is disturbing to the patient. I did some searching and found a site that has personal testimonies of fighting cancer pain. One woman lived through the cancer and morphine. She said for her it was a lose lose situation. She did not like the feeling of being on morphine, and yet obviously did not like the pain either. It's a tough call. I think it 's one the pateint should make if they can. And especially if you have terminal cancer, talk to your family about it so they know you're wishes.

[DaizyMae]

[QUOTE][i]Originally posted by teraberry [/i]
[B]DaizyMae -
Thanks for your input. With the radiation they are claiming that it will shrink the tumor, but at the same time they tell us this is very serious and not at all good. I think they are pulling at straws. He already has had two close calls this week where his breathing slowed to the point of asking if they should recussitate him, need be. He came back on his own both times, and the next day was talking a bit and vitals went up.

It's strange to experience this. In my mind it seems like the medical staff should be able to do something - that they should have the medicines and equipment to make him healthy. Everyone will go at some time though.

I lost a sister-in-law to cancer a year ago. She was in her late 30's. I feel so blessed that there is not a history of cancer with the women in my family (and I have my mother plus 5 older sisters and lots of aunts). Not that it couldn't happen to me, but it seems like the relatively younger women I've heard of having cancer also have mothers or sisters who had cancer.

Wow - you beat it twice! I'm so happy for you! I can't imagine what that was like, but you must be a strong-willed person. God bless you! Really! [/B][/QUOTE]

I agree, you'd think with all the technology nowadays, they could wipe it out completely...just one of life's mysteries at the moment I guess. And who knows, he might pull out of it, that would be great! As much as I've been through it with me and family, I'll never get used to it...it's so hard to go through, I wish you all the luck and strength in the world!!!
I've had my Mom, Granny, 3 Great Aunts and 1 Great Uncle that all died from breast cancer, among other cancers. I've had so many relitives pass away with one form of cancer or another that I couldn't even count them anymore. You should have seen the lady's face the fist time I went in for a mamogram, her chin about hit the floor when I started telling her everyone that had cancer.
I now live each day as it is my last, and if I have something to say, I say it...tell your Dad everything you want to NOW, he will hear you...I'm here if you need to talk...

[Airslady]

teraberry>> First off i just want to say that i am so sorry to hear of your dad and will have him in my prayers as well as your self it takes alot of lovve and courage to help someone in this condition I work for A HomeCare/Hospice Program so therefore I deal with terminally ill patients on a day to day basis.Morphine is one of the most strongest and recomendded Narcotics that is used for pain relief in almost all Cancer Patients and in other areas of where strong Pain Relief is needed It does not prolong life just make it a little more bearable if used correctly in some cases it can alter breathing and vital signs as it sounds like in your dads case if enough is administered as in my FIL case in can induce a term called Medically Induced Coma in my FIL case he passed away after 12 hours of being medically induced but it was for the beter he suffered a long 17 months But what most people don't understand and I am not saying this to cause any fear or concerns NO Medication will take away all the pain just put it on hold because it stimulates nerves and such like paralyzing them when you feel no pain you are in what they call a TWILIGHT you know like out in space but lets assure that while in the TWILIGHT stage you are pain free I only hope the best for your dad and that things go right and you keep up your faith and strenghth Cancer Patients feed off the strenghth of their loved ones I hope this lil bit of info was helpful to some point if you feel like you would like to ask anything else or just talk feel free to email me or PM me ........Angie

[DaizyMae]

I know this post is about you and your Dad, teraberry, but I have to do something, I hope you won't mind...

Hey Airslady....((((((((((((((AIRSLADY))))))))))))))))))
I wanted to give you a hug for the job you do!!! If it weren't for the ladies that came and helped me with Mom and Granny, I would have gone out of my mind. They kept my head straight so I could take care of them....thank you for all your hard work!!!

[DaizyMae]

How is he doing today?

[teraberry]

DaizyMae - it's 7:45 in the morning here, so I haven't called to find out how he's doing today yet. I call every day to find out though at least once (he's in Nebraska and I'm in Arizona). I have 11 siblings, so we make sure that there is virtuall always someone there with him from morning to 10pm or so. I'm going to fly up on Saturday night and stay until Tuesday to see him, God willing.

Anyway, the past two days it sounds like he has been better. No close calls and he wasn't just constantly dealing with pain like he was a few days ago. My mom said he was able to converse a bit and even joke around a little. The doctor told my brother that the radiation is only to make him more comfortable not to lengthen his life. I was surprised. I knew shrinking the tumor would alleviate the pressure he has in his abdomine from it, but I thought it would also possible give him added weeks. I guess it's just too advanced at this point.

Thanks for asking!

[mayfly]

((((((((((teraberry))))))))))))

[jsalba]

Fortunately, I have never had to deal with this experience.

I was at the funeral home yesterday, though, to support a girlfriend of mine whose father passed from cancer.

He had been home-bound and on morphine for several months.. and I think he was just holding on for the sake of the kids (all adults). They talked with him the other day and told him how much they love him and that it is ok to let go now and he deserves to rest. He passed that night in his sleep.

My heart really does go out for you.. and I truly am saddened by this news. PLEASE for real.. let me know if I can help you in any way.. I really do care.

Jeff

[eaparham]

My dad had colon cancer in 1983. They "got it all"....He was fine until 1986, when he started having severe pain in his leg. He went back to the doctor, and they told him he had cancer again...not only again, but it had been there since the first time.. They wanted to do chemo and radiation, but they couldn't guarantee anything other than make him very sick. So, he and my mom decided they wanted the pain controlled, and to enjoy however much time he had left. In October of 86, he became bedridden, with a broken leg. We opted not to have the leg fixed....it would have been foolish, considering he was never going to walk again anyway.

Before he died, he was able to plan every detail of his funeral, and he and my mom redecorated the house. He said he didnt want to look down and say "she spent the insurance on a new couch and carpet."

One day Mom went to pick up his morphine drip, and the pharmacy asked her if she was worried about Daddy getting addicted. She flat out told them he was dying, and it didnt make any difference.

He was really out of it most of the time because his morphine went thru a catheter straight into his heart. A couple days before he died, he came out of it long enough to say goodbye.

I did not get to go to his funeral, as I was stationed in the Philippines and overdue with my second child. But, I know that Daddy had the best care possible (Hospice), and he died at home the way that he wanted to. Alot of people thought my folks were nuts about the way they handled the whole thing, but they were happy with their choice.


Well, I have babbled long enough, but you and your family are the ones who have to live with the decisions you make about your dad's care. The docs were surprised my dad lived as long as he did, and in the end, they think Daddy was just making sure everything was set for Mom. Dad died at the age of 53, after being married to Mom for 28 years.

(thanks for letting me vent my memories)

[NaomiMarie]

[QUOTE][i]Originally posted by jsalba [/i]
[B]Fortunately, I have never had to deal with this experience.

I was at the funeral home yesterday, though, to support a girlfriend of mine whose father passed from cancer.

He had been home-bound and on morphine for several months.. and I think he was just holding on for the sake of the kids (all adults). They talked with him the other day and told him how much they love him and that it is ok to let go now and he deserves to rest. He passed that night in his sleep.

My heart really does go out for you.. and I truly am saddened by this news. PLEASE for real.. let me know if I can help you in any way.. I really do care.

Jeff [/B][/QUOTE]

Well I personally believe that our loved ones do "hear" us talking to them in those final moments........
As some of you probably know, my grandmother passed away jsut last month. I hadn't seen her (or my father) in over a year (too long a story)......My father at least had the decency to call me and inform me of Nana's condition. I made arrangements to meet my Dad there to see her one last time....She was "unresponsive" BUT I do believe that she was aware of my presence and heard me speaking to her. I told her that it was OK to leave us, that we would all be alright, etc. I also think she was holding on until I got there.....kinda like closure and contentment knowing my Dad & I would (once again) reconcile. She passed away less than 24 hrs later....... :(
Naomi


((((((teraberry & family))))))
Saying a prayer that you will be able to remain strong during these difficult times :(