Have any of you cared for a dying cancer patient? (or info on morphine)

[NaomiMarie]

[QUOTE][i]Originally posted by eaparham [/i]
[B]My dad had colon cancer in 1983. They "got it all"....He was fine until 1986, when he started having severe pain in his leg. He went back to the doctor, and they told him he had cancer again...not only again, but it had been there since the first time.. They wanted to do chemo and radiation, but they couldn't guarantee anything other than make him very sick. So, he and my mom decided they wanted the pain controlled, and to enjoy however much time he had left. In October of 86, he became bedridden, with a broken leg. We opted not to have the leg fixed....it would have been foolish, considering he was never going to walk again anyway.

Before he died, he was able to plan every detail of his funeral, and he and my mom redecorated the house. He said he didnt want to look down and say "she spent the insurance on a new couch and carpet."

One day Mom went to pick up his morphine drip, and the pharmacy asked her if she was worried about Daddy getting addicted. She flat out told them he was dying, and it didnt make any difference.

He was really out of it most of the time because his morphine went thru a catheter straight into his heart. A couple days before he died, he came out of it long enough to say goodbye.

I did not get to go to his funeral, as I was stationed in the Philippines and overdue with my second child. But, I know that Daddy had the best care possible (Hospice), and he died at home the way that he wanted to. Alot of people thought my folks were nuts about the way they handled the whole thing, but they were happy with their choice.


Well, I have babbled long enough, but you and your family are the ones who have to live with the decisions you make about your dad's care. The docs were surprised my dad lived as long as he did, and in the end, they think Daddy was just making sure everything was set for Mom. Dad died at the age of 53, after being married to Mom for 28 years.

(thanks for letting me vent my memories) [/B][/QUOTE]

(((((( eaparham ))))))

[jskarp]

My heart goes out to all of you...........I will keep you in my prayers. ~Joy

[teraberry]

It's interesting to hear everyone's point of views. This is the first time I've been though the dying process with someone. I said before that my SIL died of cancer about a year ago, but I wasn't involved in the day to day with her, and with her it was almost too quick to be involved.

Anyway, one thing I am surprised about is how I'm dealing with it. Initially when I found out that my dad didn't have long I grieved right away. I cried and was more "down". After a few days of that I'm not really "down" anymore. I've pretty much accepted it and am not scared of when his day comes. I would've thought I'd be "down" for a longer period of time, really until his death and beyond. I'm curious if any of you have had similiar feelings.

[NaomiMarie]

My maternal grandmother passed away several years ago. She had Alzeimer's Disease for many years and eventually developed complications......
I think, in a way, when you deal with a sick loved one, day in and day out, you are a bit more "prepared" for the inevitable (no one is ever "ready" to say goodbye but there's a difference in being prepared & ready)

You sound very strong.........I hope and pray that you find the strength to remain so........
((((((HUGS))))))
Naomi

[Brittwoman]

Teraberry if there is anything I can do for you just PM me! Not only did I live thru the "horror" that cancer does to a loved one...I also work in a hospital on an Oncology Unit :(

[tlspiegel]

Hugs to all our caregivers and survivors. I'm sorry.

My mom passed from endstage Lung Ca which was diagnosed 6 weeks before she passed. I had her on palliative care/oral morphine/and lots of company. She slept most the time, it was best because of the nausea and pain.

Teraberry - your feelings are going to be a conglomeration of anger, sadness, acceptance, denial, etc., which are the emotions one goes through while grieving. Whatever sequence the emotions come and go as - is what your way of grieving will be. There is no right or wrong. Some days will be better than others, and others will be just plain bad. The grieving process is a very personal thing - everyone does it in their own way. And each time you go through the grieving process for a loved one, it will not be the same as the last time. Be kind to yourself. This is a very difficult time. Many hugs to you.

[DaizyMae]

[QUOTE][i]Originally posted by teraberry [/i]
[B]DaizyMae - it's 7:45 in the morning here, so I haven't called to find out how he's doing today yet. I call every day to find out though at least once (he's in Nebraska and I'm in Arizona). I have 11 siblings, so we make sure that there is virtuall always someone there with him from morning to 10pm or so. I'm going to fly up on Saturday night and stay until Tuesday to see him, God willing.

Anyway, the past two days it sounds like he has been better. No close calls and he wasn't just constantly dealing with pain like he was a few days ago. My mom said he was able to converse a bit and even joke around a little. The doctor told my brother that the radiation is only to make him more comfortable not to lengthen his life. I was surprised. I knew shrinking the tumor would alleviate the pressure he has in his abdomine from it, but I thought it would also possible give him added weeks. I guess it's just too advanced at this point.

Thanks for asking! [/B][/QUOTE]

WOW that's a lot of family there!!! That's wonderful you are going to see him, it will do you both good. I will pray you have a safe trip....
I'm glad to hear the past few days have been better for him. Oh, I understand about the radiation for comfort not lengthening...uummmm...I think you are right, I think he may be too far advanced. I'm not saying this to upset you more, God knows you don't need anything else on you right now, but I'm just stating my opinion from the facts I've learned, dealing with cancer. Now I could be totally WRONG, and the doc could be wrong also, we just never really know.
Honey, I feel for you so much and my heart pounds reading your threads, reliving the feelings, but please know there are many great people in here that will talk to you anytime you'd like. I don't get on here much, but will talk when I am, ok? I really mean it!!! :)
You take care and let me know how he's doing, please...

[Airslady]

My prayers still remain for you and your family and that all you will continue your strength and Love



Daize Thanks for the kind words I love my job and can't see myself doing anything else it is very challenging mentally and physically we are not suppose to get close to our patients but go spend a few days a week or a couple hours a day with them and then say that thats my way of putting it I alsways say I treat each and everyone of my patients rather it's just a one time visit or a longterm visit as if they where a member of my family and the way i would want to be treated if in that situation There are days that go well and i come home with big grin on my face then there are days that I cry alot because I feel helpless even though I know I am doing my best and to hear someone say thank You is such an enjoyment it makes me realize that people do understand . ......

[mayfly]

((((((airslady)))))
((((((brittwoman))))))

You gals have special hearts. Thanks so much for doing the hard jobs that you do.
God bless you!!!!!

[ihvfaith]

Teraberry you are in my prayers.
I lost my grandpa to brain cancer a
few years back. He was in a hospice
and they did morphine drip. He seemed
to be pain free with the drip. It is hard
to tell as with the brain cancer he lost
his functions and died shortly after
being diagnosed. Everyone thought it
was Alzeimers but it was the tumor
growing.

[ILoveElf]

I only have my wife's answer to how the pain medication felt to her as I never asked anyone else who took it what it felt like.Her answer was that it did not get rid of the pain exactly it still hurt just not as bad and it made you not care that it still hurt.What she did not like about it was that she did not feel like she could think as clearly when she took it.As many of you talked via the computer with her in the last months of her life some of you without knowing how ill she was you may agree with me that her mind was clear some of the time but not always.

Hugs to all.

Cancer is a terrorist.It took my sister away as a child and my wife as an adult.It took way to many loved ones away from all of us!

If you want to talk we are here.

[Tom4ever]

My best friend passed away on Sunday due to glioblastoma cancer and he fought a tough battle for the last month. HE was supose to start chemo today. Through talking with his family yesterday we thought that is was best that he pass away before he had to go through all the trials and tribulations of further treatment. Sometimes Chemo can take away the good cells and still leave the bad cells that the patient wants to have taken out. Tom's family and friends lost a great guy on Sunday but we all know that he is in a better place. No one wants to watch a loved one die:( so some people use iv drips and other means of survival to keep their loved one around. IS that really what the patient wants? Communicate with the patient and let it be known as to what the dying loved one final request are.