Apparently I'm single

[kirsey2121]

i feel like my family and friends in the flesh are not being supportive, they all feel like, "its for the better" ect but that doesnt make me feel better

[kirsey2121]

i have let a lotta people go over the years and i feel alone

[tlspiegel]

This is not a lecture. I'm sure this isn't going to make you feel any better, but... it's a good idea to not let anyone - no matter if it's your spouse, lover, parent, child, or any animal - be the "be all and end all" in your life. Even IF the relationship is successful and so wonderful that nothing could ever tear it apart, that person or animal could die. Then what? You still have to go on with your own life.

I know it's not a pleasant thought, but it IS a life lesson to not let anything become so important that your life happiness depends and needs someone else in order to feel whole and complete and happy.

Happiness and peace of mind do not come from people, places or things. It comes from within. It takes a lot of work to get there, but you can do it!

[kirsey2121]

I know. What you say is so true. I jsut feel so lost and don't know where to begin? How to pick up everything I left behind and just try to start over, where to make new friends, all of the uncertainties right now, while TJ is going out w/ all his friends who are there for him not matter what I feel like I'm being left in the dust to grieve alone and I will make it no matter what I know I will, I am calling a doctor on Tuesday b/c I do need to make myself better from the inside out. I really do and for myself, not anyone else, i've just been relying on people for so long

[tlspiegel]

I am sorry, and I know everything seems absolutely wrong and upside down. Your emotions and feelings are raw. Take some time to soothe your soul, spend time nourishing yourself and Holden. Don't worry about TJ and what he is doing with his friends and don't worry about making new friends just right yet. Again, your peace of mind and happiness comes from within you. Believe me when I say you are growing now. It doesn't seem like there's much growth when your life has taken so many steps backwards, but now is the time to move forward and get whole and strong again. You can do it. It isn't going to happen overnight, it takes a lot of work and dedication. Life is a struggle - I'm very aware of that. But over time, you'll begin to see light at the end of this dark tunnel. Windows will open and then doors will open. Right now, it seems like you're standing in a dark hallway, but that hallway leads to windows and doors.

Be kind to yourself, don't beat yourself up and think 'what if this and what if that'. It's useless to worry about the past. You did your best. You didn't wake up in the morning and go "now what can I do today to make this a horrible day for everyone"? You woke up with good intentions and you tried to do your best. :) Live in the now, move forward to the future. Set small goals and take baby steps. Do not beat yourself up. We are here for you. :)

[Brenda2000]

I'm truly sorry to hear of all you are going through. But I'm also glad to hear that you are looking positively, into your future self, by seeking counseling, looking into new hobbies and avenues.
I wish you the best in this difficult time....

[june72]

Just wanted to let you know that I am still keeping you in my prayers!

[katlnhats]

Kirsey,

You and Holden are also in my prayers and I know what you're going through. I'm sending you a pm....

Hugs,
Marilyn

[kirsey2121]

just wanted to thank everyone for such kind words. I am starting to see TJ in a different light. (still hard) it is so hard not to think about what he is doing espessially where I hear (And he confirmed it) that he went out to a bar friday night (24hrs after we broke up) starting flirting with a girl he had met a couple of times (so he says) and spent the entire night kissing her, and stayed at a house w/ her. He cannot understand why that would hurt and according to him that fact that it bugs me is just another one of my personality flaws. :( He has always been really flirty and he is the type of guy that girls like, and all I can picture is him inititating this with this girl and it hurts inside. I cannot even think about someone else in my life right now and hes already acting on it...hard

[Snowpuff]

Kirsey, it's time for you to move on. That's the way many men are. Women just don't mean much to them, period.

And we all do have to learn not to let a man be "everything" to us, because it's not the nature of a man to let any woman mean "everything" to him.

I went through a great deal of pain when my 23 year marriage broke up, but I found real strength and independence within myself.

It took time, but I'm happier now, by myself, than I ever was while I was married to an egotistical, mean, selfish womanizer. And I see it happening to women all the time, married or otherwise.

So, move on with your life. He's not worth your pain, and his lack of commitment proves it.

Be good to yourself. Find new things that make you happy. Maybe take a class or two.

Don't dwell on him or the past. Keep busy moving forward.

Most people are just about as happy as they want to be, so be happy! Find something to laugh about every day; do things to make your child happy, too!

Good luck to you!

[daysky]

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HI I JUST WANTED TO OFFER SOME ADVICE. IF YOUR KIDS DAD LEFT ,LET IT BE HIS LOSE . TWO PEOPLE SHOULD'NT STAY TOGETHER B/C OF KIDS-IT'S A KNOWN FACT A CHILD WOULD RATHER HAVE 2 HAPPY SEPERATED PARENTS THAN 2 MISERABLE PARENTS IN THE SAME HOUSE. MY AUNT STAYED W/HER HUSBAND FOR HER KIDS SAKE (THEY DID A GOOD JOB OF HIDING THEIR UN-HAPPINESS TOO)MY WHOLE FAMILY THOUGHT THEY'D BE THE 2 THAT WERE TOGETHER 4-EVER . THEY WERE TOGETHER SINCE MY AUNT WAS 14 AND SHE'S 45 !!! WHAT A WAIST OF LIFE! MY HUSBAND AND I HAVE BEEN TOGETHER FOR 10 YRS I GOT MARRIED RIGHT AFTER I TURNED 18 IN 97 . AND I WONDER ALOT IF IT WAS THE RIGHT THING TO DO . WE GOT MARRIED B/C WE WERE IN LOVE :kiss: ,BUT THESE DAYS IT FEELS LIKE I LIVE W/A ROOMATE ,AND I TOLD HIM THAT. WE'VE SPLIT 2-3 X IN 10 YRS ONCE I WAS $700 IN TO A $800 DIVORCE AND I BACKED OUT -YA DONT GET YOUR $ BACK EITHER .WE HAVE A 7 YR OLD BOY AND A 14 MONTH OLD GIRL.SO I THANK GOD FOR HER !!!! BUT WE WERE APART ONCE FOR 2 YRS AND WERE BOTH W/SOMEONE ELSE-AND WHEN WE GOT BACK TOGETHER IT SCREWED W/MY SONS HEAD , HE MISSED THE GUY I WAS W/ BUT WAS HAPPY THAT HIS DAD WAS ALWAYS AROUND . BUT WHEN HE'D ASK ABOUT MY X IT WOULD MAKE HIS DAD SAD. SO I MADE MY SON A PROMISE (I HOPE I CAN KEEP) THAT OUR FAMILY WILL NEVER SPLIT UP AGAIN . BUT I WONT LIVE A UNHAPPY LIFE 4-EVER . I JUST DONT KNOW IF THINGS WILL CHANGE OR STAY THE SAME ,AND IF THEY STAY THE SAME -IM OUT . IM NOT HAPPY -WE DONT GO NO-WHERE HE SLEEPS ON THE COUCH B/C MY BED KILLS HIS BACK AND WE'RE RARELEY INTIMATE . HE NEVER COMPLIMENTS ME ANYMORE -NOTHING- WELL I PLANNED ON GIVING YOU SOME WORDS OF ADVICE BUT I THINK I NEED MY OWN :laugh: YA THINK ?( IM GONNA QUIT RAMBLING ON W.MY PROBS I CAME TO GIVE ADVICE. THANKS FOR LISTENING THOUGH . I APPRECIATE IT . APRIL AKA daysky