[timberwolf813]

Make an appointment for the 2 of you to get your pics taken together. Ask him to put one up, maybe move an existing pic to one of the kids rooms. Have new pics of kids taken, do the same. Make it clear that in new home it will be a "clean slate" for the 2 of you together. Any remaining pics move to photo album or distributed to kids/family. As far as smoking, try to get him to designate an area for his guests -- basement, garage, backroom or sunroom -- any available place that does not affect the rest of the home, yet doesn't offend guests. See your physican about treatment/therapy for allergies to cat. Do not let it in the bedroom. Vacuum daily and use Febreeze anti-allergen. This may lessen the affects to where allergy meds can control. When cat is gone, remind him it can't be replaced. Show him you have respect for her role in his life. Do a relay-for-life walk with him and the kids. Things like this remind him that you are not trying to replace or remove her memory, just trying to share the future with him. This will allow him and his children to have more respect for your changes in removing some of the daily reminder items such as photos.